Best way to approach DD-I'm concerned

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD told us she is Bi a few months ago. She is 17 and had dated one boy for a few months a year ago. She is now seeing an 18 y.o. female. She doesn't share much with us and is very closed- is keeping to herself at home. She hasn't been very social over the last year, very seldom does anything with friends, no dances, no sports or school activities. She has had some CBT for therapy for anxiety. She seems a bit flat. I'm worried about her isolating herself and told her that if she's interested in talking to someone, I could schedule a therapy session. She found it offensive that I asked because it insinuates that she has a problem because she's bi. I have no idea what the best approach is- I just want her to be healthy/happy. I imagine life is confusing for her right now. Any advice?

I think the people responding to you are being really mean. Sorry about that.

It sounds as if you're worried about apparent social anxiety problems. The bi part is relevant because the daughter is using that to deflect attention from the isolation.

Maybe find a church or group for parents with LGBTQI kids, or, say, a volunteer group that helps LGBTQI kids with parents who kick them out, and go to meetings for that? Maybe going to the meetings with your daughter would be a way to get her out of the house.

If you join a volunteer group, maybe that would also give your daughter something to put on resumes and job applications.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't read the OP's post as her being upset about the bi issue at all. It sounds to me like a mom concerned because her daughter seems isolated, maybe depressed, but clearly going through some kind of hard time and she wants to help.

Really? The whole weird tangent about her once having a boyfriend, which has literally nothing to do with anything she later identifies as the problem doesn't make you suspect that she has a problem with her daughter being bi/dating a woman?

[Anonymous]

It's tough to parent at this age, when they need and want you to back off and let them breathe and become adults.

Does her girlfriend come over, or does she just see her at school and interact through texting/facetiming? Do you know her?

I always find it helpful to get a feel for the personality and baggage of whoever my teens in that age range are friends with or dating.

[Anonymous]

The PPL jumping all over you probably haven't experienced parenting a withdrawn teen. A lot of teens pull back from their parents. Introverts are exhausted from school and they "cave" when they are home. That's normal, but I think even at 17, you can still tell her she needs a certain level of people engagement. Then work with her to identify ways to get it. Offer to go on hikes, take a knitting class, go to lectures, concerts, book readings etc. Let her propose the activity but insist on 1/week or 2/month + regular family meals and see if she can do that. If she can't or won't, I think that validates your concern and gives you something specific to be concerned about. She may still feel attacked but you'll be on stronger footing I think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Social media is convincing kids and teens they are bi, gay, trans, ace, or any number of things. OP is right to be concerned.

And you have no LGTBQ kids. My son has told me he has liked boys since 1st grade. He is gay. Social media did not make him gay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Social media is convincing kids and teens they are bi, gay, trans, ace, or any number of things. OP is right to be concerned.

And you have no LGTBQ kids. My son has told me he has liked boys since 1st grade. He is gay. Social media did not make him gay.

No, but it does seem to be cool or edgy to be bi if you're a girl at the moment.

[Anonymous]

You could say that you would be happy to have her girlfriend over for dinner sometime, if that's something she'd like.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't worry about it. It could be worse - drugs and shit. If I were you, I'd back off and not make her feel like you're monitoring her. She already feels that way. I think the best you can do is be fun, focus on your own stuff, show her you believe in her and trust she's doing what makes her happy, and not show any more concern because it's just off putting and makes you look like you're monitoring her every expression, mood, and move.

[Anonymous]

I don't get the connection between these things. You start out mentioning her sexuality then you continue on to her mental health, implying some causation. What exactly is your concern? Are you worried she's unhappy? I feel like you didn't give enough information. It's natural to be confused about pretty much everything at her age. Also natural to try on different roles and sexualities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Social media is convincing kids and teens they are bi, gay, trans, ace, or any number of things. OP is right to be concerned.

And you have no LGTBQ kids. My son has told me he has liked boys since 1st grade. He is gay. Social media did not make him gay.

No, but it does seem to be cool or edgy to be bi if you're a girl at the moment.

Well, so what? That person's comment that OP is "right to be concerned" is annoying because on its face, it's nothing to be concerned about. I agree, btw. My DD is 12 and it seems like all her friends think they're bi or gay. I have no problem with that and I actually think it's funny. As a bi woman myself, it's refreshing. Probably most of them will marry men in 20 years anyway. It's still easier to be straight.