How to improve relationship with SIL?

[Anonymous]

SIL loves her brother. She tolerates you. You should not try to compete for her affection. Don't wish for a "tight-knit" family. That shouldn't be your goal. That is probably driving your SIL nuts, or at the very least, it's outside her comfort level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:SIL loves her brother. She tolerates you. You should not try to compete for her affection. Don't wish for a "tight-knit" family. That shouldn't be your goal. That is probably driving your SIL nuts, or at the very least, it's outside her comfort level.

You’re right. I deleted her number out of my phone and am never contacting her again.

It was important to my DH to at least try with his family and I did and am over it now.

I love being married and constantly feeling like an outsider with his close knit family, it’s great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SIL loves her brother. She tolerates you. You should not try to compete for her affection. Don't wish for a "tight-knit" family. That shouldn't be your goal. That is probably driving your SIL nuts, or at the very least, it's outside her comfort level.

You’re right. I deleted her number out of my phone and am never contacting her again.

It was important to my DH to at least try with his family and I did and am over it now.

I love being married and constantly feeling like an outsider with his close knit family, it’s great.

DP. I was with you all the way, OP, until I read your post above. Now you sound childish and petty. It really makes me wonder about your role in all of this and that perhaps your SIL is trying to avoid your drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here,

Then I’m just going to let it go and stop making the effort for their side of the family. DH can remember birthdays, dishes to bring to dinner, and the communication. If he forgets something, it’s not my fault.

I thought I was doing something wrong, I wanted to make the effort but I think I’m just over trying. They’re his family, not mine.

Pps, thank you for the responses.

Seems a bit vindictive and petty. Why not give up expecting more from her than she will do, and give up trying to be her friend, trying extra hard, but still show kindness when appropriate.

It sounds like you are willing to be as obnoxious as she. Perhaps model something better than that for your children who will be SILs, too one day. Show kindness, be a caring spouse, and try your best with MIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here,

Then I’m just going to let it go and stop making the effort for their side of the family. DH can remember birthdays, dishes to bring to dinner, and the communication. If he forgets something, it’s not my fault.

I thought I was doing something wrong, I wanted to make the effort but I think I’m just over trying. They’re his family, not mine.

Pps, thank you for the responses.

Seems a bit vindictive and petty. Why not give up expecting more from her than she will do, and give up trying to be her friend, trying extra hard, but still show kindness when appropriate.

It sounds like you are willing to be as obnoxious as she. Perhaps model something better than that for your children who will be SILs, too one day. Show kindness, be a caring spouse, and try your best with MIL.

OP is striving for “above it all” and has landed on “transparently petty.”

[Anonymous]

I completely stopped trying with my in laws. I don’t try to converse with them, I don’t make any effort to build any kind of relationship with them. When we have to bring a dish I literally do something store bought and cheap and easy. I go to maybe 1/3-1/2 of the gatherings, DH goes on his own to the rest.

They actually seem to like me more now than when I was actively trying to build bridges. Now I just enjoy my down time without them and literally think of them not at all when they aren’t standing right in front of me. It’s wonderful!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SIL loves her brother. She tolerates you. You should not try to compete for her affection. Don't wish for a "tight-knit" family. That shouldn't be your goal. That is probably driving your SIL nuts, or at the very least, it's outside her comfort level.

You’re right. I deleted her number out of my phone and am never contacting her again.

It was important to my DH to at least try with his family and I did and am over it now.

I love being married and constantly feeling like an outsider with his close knit family, it’s great.

DP. I was with you all the way, OP, until I read your post above. Now you sound childish and petty. It really makes me wonder about your role in all of this and that perhaps your SIL is trying to avoid your drama.

+1

Yeah, what? OP, you deleted her phone number? You're never calling her again? Sounds like you weren't "a little put off" after all...

[Anonymous]

How long have you been married?