Flame away if you must, but please tell me WYWD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP. I agree that jumping to molestation is an overreaction. However, sometimes there are children who are too rough, who don't listen, etc. If they're in your DC's class, they're unavoidable. In this instance, they are easily avoidable. Don't use the gym daycare.

I'm sorry, but you have to make up your mind. You're concerned that he had the capacity of a toddler or you're concerned about molestation. Toddlers, to my understanding AREN'T molesting other toddlers. So pick which one you don't like, but at the end of the day you can choose not to use the childcare or go at a different time when it's less likely this child will be there.

[Anonymous]

I think everyone is focusing way too much on the molestation concern.. the OP admits her past is clouding her judgement. However, she witnessed a staff member refusing to be in the area because of past violence. Of course you need to trust your instincts OP and make sure your child is safe. I would ask the gym director if something could be done to separate the smaller children. I'm sure the mom of the SN child needs a break as much as anyone so tread lightly but I would definitely see if you can find a solution. For what it is worth, our gym separates the littlest kids from anyone over 4.

[Anonymous]

Ugh. I wouldn't be okay with this either, OP. This sounds unsafe

[Anonymous]

PPs please read OP's post carefully. She does not seem to be worried about molestation at her gym childcare place. She is worried that her own experience may cloud her judgement and make her more sensitive.

OP: I know that working out is important, but I would not bring a toddler to a gym childcare facility. Our gym offers childcare from 4 months to 10 years. There is no way I would leave my 18mo there. And this has nothing to do with SN children. I am a FTM, so I don't know how I will feel when my DC is, say 5, but for now, I bought some exercise equipment that I use at home after DC goes to bed.

[Anonymous]

Regardless of the molestation (which is unfounded) I wouldn't send my kid to a daycare with an adult with the cognitive level of a toddler. Kids play rough and it would be easy for your kid to get hurt. Just like I wouldn't send my toddler into a bounce house with 7 year olds.

[Anonymous]

I would talk to management about your valid safety concerns. How is it okay for small kids to play where an adult staff member fears to tread? Point out in writing that this situation creates potential liability. If there was no change I would not renew my membership.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PPs please read OP's post carefully. She does not seem to be worried about molestation at her gym childcare place. She is worried that her own experience may cloud her judgement and make her more sensitive.

OP: I know that working out is important, but I would not bring a toddler to a gym childcare facility. Our gym offers childcare from 4 months to 10 years. There is no way I would leave my 18mo there. And this has nothing to do with SN children. I am a FTM, so I don't know how I will feel when my DC is, say 5, but for now, I bought some exercise equipment that I use at home after DC goes to bed.

Yes she is.

[Anonymous]

I have a child with special needs, who is never violent, but I can envision OP's situation perfectly, and it's scary. Not for sexual harassment, but for plain old aggression, and probably accidental at that. A large but mentally challenged child can crush a small one without meaning to!

I would not leave my child in there any more, OP. I might also contact the gym manager, describe the situation and ask what safety procedures are in place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not be comfortable with that, given the staff member's experience with the child. Not because of molestation concerns, but because of concerns that the child could be violent or rough with the smaller, younger kids. I would ask what the gym's policy is on size/age restrictions in the childcare setting.

NP here. This is my thought too. I wouldn't have even thought of molestation but would immediately have thought of this much larger child knocking over younger kids. That is a concern whether or not special needs are involved.

OP, it's easy for others to come on here and post, "So don't use the child care!" As a paying gym member, you should have the option to use the child care if that is the only way you are going to get to use this gym. The same goes for the parent of that older/larger kid, for sure. But clearly the situation doesn't seem safe, not just to you but to the person paid to be with those kids. Big red flag.

I would not return my kid to this child care until I had e-mailed the manager, with a copy to the corporate offices if this is a chain, and asked -- very calmly -- if there is an upper age limit for child care use. I would say that you witnessed a child who appeared to be X years old running in the child care area among children Y years old and are concerned for safety. If you feel you can say that the attendant would not enter the area out of fear of this child, say so, but the attendant frankly may deny it to the management -- he or she likely is not paid much and needs this job, and may fear losing it if management knows what was said to you in a moment of fear.

I would not bring SN into it, frankly; if the child is too old for the child care's rules, the child is too old. If there are NO rules, I'd give the gym one chance to set some age limits (bearing in mind they'll affect you, eventually, too). , Call some other local gyms and find out their rules for child care; that gives you something to tell your gym about what others do. Probably the gym is going to be worried that it will be slammed by the parent for discriminating against an SN child, but size of the child does matter, from a safety perspective. Even if the kid weren't SN (and you don't know for sure if the child is SN), a child too old and large for a baby/toddler "room" should not be there. And yes, going to the gym at times when you don't need child care may be an option but it's not one that all of us have, all the time.

What did you say to the child care attendant at the time? That person needs to be very strongly encouraged to report to management that he or she is physically afraid of this child.

I get that the parent of this child probably needs a break FAR more than any of us, but putting an older child in that situation is going to end badly for that child or other, smaller kids, and the gym needs to realize that. Enforcing a straightforward age limit would be the way to go.

If you misjudged the child's age and the child is just large but IS still within the age limits -- you have to make the call on whether to stay. It's possible that the attendant is not at all experienced or trained in dealing with kids, and this one child isn't that big a problem but the attendant is just overreacting. You may want to observe some more -- or you may never end up again at the gym when the other kid is present, so it would be moot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought you said the SN kid has a mental capacity of a toddler. I doubt a "toddler " has the know-how to do anything but be a toddler.

How old is the SN kid? Most gym child cares have age limits no matter what the mental capacity.

I think this is incorrect. Adult people with the mental capacity of a child still have the physical body of an adult and may desire a physical relationship. However, gym daycare seems like the wrong place for that.

Yes. Everyone always coos about how adorable SN kids are (especially those with Down's Syndrome), but most of those have not lived/grown up with a SN person going through puberty. They have the mental capacity of someone much younger, yes, but physically, their body changes just as it should during those years and they still have urges. Dealing with a SN person can be challenging at times, but dealing with one going through puberty is a whole different ballgame.

When my SN brother went through puberty, I wasn't allowed to have friends spend the night and most play dates were scheduled for when he was out at a therapy or socialization group. This was because his impulse control on a good day was pretty low, but when you threw in raging hormones, it was non-existent. It didn't mean he was a bad person that was locked away. My parents just eliminated/lessened the potential risks during that time to keep both him and others safe.

Even having grown up with a SN sibling, I'd be hesitant to allow my toddler aged kid to be in the same temporary care facility or even play area as an older SN kid. Many SN kids do not know their strength. I still have to constantly remind my brother to be gentle when playing with my kids and he's in his late 20s. My brother still loved the park, but after a certain age, it just wasn't safe for him to play at the park when little kids were around. Heck, he still loves the park near my house and I know that between 1 and 2 most days it'll be empty because that's when the little kids in my neighborhood nap, so I'll allow him to play for a bit.

[Anonymous]

You follow your gut and damn the political correctness. If you do not feel your child is safe in any situation - you do not leave him in that situation. The people posting otherwise are wrong. I would have left with my child immediately.

As for the future, the SN child has a right to be there I suppose so you will need to make other arrangements. Either work out at a different time of hire a babysitter.

[Anonymous]

So many posters are missing the point. No one, not OP’s child and not the SN child, has the RIGHT to be in gym childcare. Any business you go into, if you act inappropriately, the business can eject you. If a gym goer acts violently to a staff member, couldn’t the gym kick him/her out? If a kid, SN or otherwise, is violent to a staff member to the point that she was concerned about her safety, they should be able to kick the child out and refuse to let him back in. This is probably not a popular or politically correct opinion, but it is consistent with business practice not to mention what is safest for everyone involved.

And as a PP said, a SN child gets 1:1 attention at a school. Gym childcare is NOT set up to care for a SN child who has violent outbursts. If it was just a one-time thing, the SN parent can talk to the gym to try to allow him back. But there are no rights involved.

[Anonymous]

I would stop using the childcare

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PPs please read OP's post carefully. She does not seem to be worried about molestation at her gym childcare place. She is worried that her own experience may cloud her judgement and make her more sensitive.

OP: I know that working out is important, but I would not bring a toddler to a gym childcare facility. Our gym offers childcare from 4 months to 10 years. There is no way I would leave my 18mo there. And this has nothing to do with SN children. I am a FTM, so I don't know how I will feel when my DC is, say 5, but for now, I bought some exercise equipment that I use at home after DC goes to bed.

Yes she is.

Yeah, OP you had me up to the molestation part. I thought you were going to say that the SN child was too rough/violent, and/or you had a worry about your child being stepped on. Those are valid concerns, in my opinion.

You have no choice but to not use the childcare, which sucks. It will likely be resolved in time with the gym workers and then you'll be able to put your child back in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So many posters are missing the point. No one, not OP’s child and not the SN child, has the RIGHT to be in gym childcare. Any business you go into, if you act inappropriately, the business can eject you. If a gym goer acts violently to a staff member, couldn’t the gym kick him/her out? If a kid, SN or otherwise, is violent to a staff member to the point that she was concerned about her safety, they should be able to kick the child out and refuse to let him back in. This is probably not a popular or politically correct opinion, but it is consistent with business practice not to mention what is safest for everyone involved.

And as a PP said, a SN child gets 1:1 attention at a school. Gym childcare is NOT set up to care for a SN child who has violent outbursts. If it was just a one-time thing, the SN parent can talk to the gym to try to allow him back. But there are no rights involved.

Exactly. So if OP feels her child is in an unsafe situation, she doesn’t have to put her child in childcare, or the right to demand other children already under care leave for her convenience. She can move her workout to home, or choose to not workout at all.

There are a lot of assumptions being made based on OPs own assessment. They may not be the case.