No Attention from DH after Weight-Loss

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I changed my eating habits in Jan (yay for cliched New Year's Resolution time) and have lost about 20 of the 40 pounds I need to lose. At this point the change is starting to be pretty noticeable (I'm back to my pre-baby #2 weight and I get to "shop my closet" with clothes I haven't worn for a while). My problem is that DH doesn't seem to notice it at all - either expressly or in terms of his interest in me (any interest - from low-key touching to sex and in between). 20 pounds ago I was able to write this off to my weight gain, but now it's starting to bug me, and make me think (realize?) that it's a bigger problem. Part of me thinks that he thinks it's better to not say anything (in his defense he never said anything when I gained the weight - which was primarily the result of PPD brought on be weaning baby #2). But (a larger) part of me feels devastated that he doesn't seem to have much interest. I've brought it up with him once and he sort of waved it away saying that we had been together for so long that he still loved me, he just didn't have the same passion he had 15 years ago. I know this is a fair response (and probably normal) but it felt devastating to me. Is this just the status quo? Has anyone had any success in rekindling interest/sex/attention?

This is totally ridiculous. OP, listen to yourself. You have a DH who doesn't care if you gain or lose weight. It's a dream come true for most women, because yes, at this moment, you are on the losing weight part, and he's not noticed, and it bugs you, but just as often, you'll be on the gaining side, and it would totally suck if your DH noticed and started to be less interested in you.

Stop the connecting your weight with his interest in you, and be GRATEFUL that it is NOT connected.

Ok so good, you are on the right track; you've realized it's not the weight. BE GRATEFUL. Now go figure out what it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I changed my eating habits in Jan (yay for cliched New Year's Resolution time) and have lost about 20 of the 40 pounds I need to lose. At this point the change is starting to be pretty noticeable (I'm back to my pre-baby #2 weight and I get to "shop my closet" with clothes I haven't worn for a while). My problem is that DH doesn't seem to notice it at all - either expressly or in terms of his interest in me (any interest - from low-key touching to sex and in between). 20 pounds ago I was able to write this off to my weight gain, but now it's starting to bug me, and make me think (realize?) that it's a bigger problem. Part of me thinks that he thinks it's better to not say anything (in his defense he never said anything when I gained the weight - which was primarily the result of PPD brought on be weaning baby #2). But (a larger) part of me feels devastated that he doesn't seem to have much interest. I've brought it up with him once and he sort of waved it away saying that we had been together for so long that he still loved me, he just didn't have the same passion he had 15 years ago. I know this is a fair response (and probably normal) but it felt devastating to me. Is this just the status quo? Has anyone had any success in rekindling interest/sex/attention?

This is totally ridiculous. OP, listen to yourself. You have a DH who doesn't care if you gain or lose weight. It's a dream come true for most women, because yes, at this moment, you are on the losing weight part, and he's not noticed, and it bugs you, but just as often, you'll be on the gaining side, and it would totally suck if your DH noticed and started to be less interested in you.

Stop the connecting your weight with his interest in you, and be GRATEFUL that it is NOT connected.

Ok so good, you are on the right track; you've realized it's not the weight. BE GRATEFUL. Now go figure out what it is.

Yes, OP, be grateful that he's just not interested in you, period, weight or no weight.

[Anonymous]

Congratulations on your weight loss. That is such an accomplishment and I’m sure you look and feel great. I’m sure it’s disappointing that your husband hasn’t seemed to notice it as much as you wish he would. You may be right that he is being extra careful not to offend you. My husband doesn’t notice much of anything and always tells me he loves me regardless of my weight so I’ve always thought it was just a man thing. Have you thought about asking your husband if there is anything that he can think of that might help the two of you ignite that passion again and how important that is to you as his wife? My husband and I started having Friday night date night and we have both made it a point to keep that night open only for each other. It has helped us grow closer. Don’t lose hope and don’t give up!! Your family is worth it! =) If things don’t get better soon you may want to consider marriage counseling. Would your husband be open to that possibility? My husband and I saw a Christian counselor who gave us good, sound advice. One may be able to help you and your husband too. I’ll be praying for you and your family this week. Thank you for sharing your story. I’m glad you reached out. <3

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

This is totally ridiculous. OP, listen to yourself. You have a DH who doesn't care if you gain or lose weight. It's a dream come true for most women, because yes, at this moment, you are on the losing weight part, and he's not noticed, and it bugs you, but just as often, you'll be on the gaining side, and it would totally suck if your DH noticed and started to be less interested in you.

Stop the connecting your weight with his interest in you, and be GRATEFUL that it is NOT connected.

Ok so good, you are on the right track; you've realized it's not the weight. BE GRATEFUL. Now go figure out what it is.

Yes, OP, be grateful that he's just not interested in you, period, weight or no weight.

omg PP, you are so lame. That's not what I said. I just said that it's unconnected to the weight loss, and that's a good thing. OP's subject heading clearly states that she connects it to the weight loss. She should be glad that the weight isn't the issue, and, as I said, now go figure out what the real issue is.

[Anonymous]

First, congratulations on your weight loss, 20 lbs is significant! Mainly I am responding to add that I think sex 1x week is pretty average, especially if you have been married for a while. I mean, there are people on this board that don't even have that! To me, expecting a certain level of 'passion' after being married for 10+ years is just not realistic, regardless of your weight. Congratulations to those who have managed to maintain that passion, we did not but I would still consider us happily married and I believe my DH would say so too. That said...absolutely true that I don't try like I did when I was younger, when dressing up in kinky outfits was fun All I am saying is that I don't think there necessarily is something wrong with your DH or your relationship, but perhaps your expectations --that your weight loss would trigger something more-- may not be realistic. Continue losing the weight for yourself, and your health, not for your DH. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

He upgraded models when you upgraded your size.

[Anonymous]

My guess is he probably perused you at your previous weight (because he is attracted to you, not your weight) and you didn’t give him the time of day. You set the expectation and he is following the standard you set.

[Anonymous]

I bet he got tired of getting turned down over the last few years because you were not “in the mood” because of whatever reason. Now that you’re in the mood, he’s just supposed to jump because you say so?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think men are conditioned and told to NEVER comment on women's weights. Men say "wow you're looking great these days!" and the woman says "didn't you like me before? Why do you only love me when I'm thin?"

Man here. This.