Closed friend died and I want to ask for sometime

[Anonymous]

Agree with waiting. When my husband's sister passed away a month before we married, her friends suddenly started converging on us, all asking for something. I'm talking 5-10 people per day before we had even buried her. It was crazy. We told them that we would be going through her things later after the family had had a chance to grieve. We never gave anything to any of them.

[Anonymous]

Never would be a good time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does the ring remind you of a sexual relationship?

yes

I was going to reply with a simple no, but after reading the above:

Hell to the no!

Requesting items from the bereaved could be perceived as rude and putting your own self-interest first in the best of circumstances. Asking your deceased friend's widow(er) for a memento of your relationship/fling/affair/romance is highly inappropriate.

I'm widowed and cannot fathom my late-DH's exes doing such a thing. After he died and I had the strength to go through his belongings, I set aside some Items that I thought would be meaningful to his siblings, parents, nephews, closest friends (one of whom he had dated years ago). At that time I let relatives know of some other things I had gone through and asked if there was anything else they might like me to send. THAT is when it would be appropriate to name a specific item.

If you want to remember your friend, write down memories of your time together. Have a new ring or other piece of jewelry made that represents the deceased and that period of your life. Find some other way to honor the person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does the ring remind you of a sexual relationship?

yes

Absolutely not. We have been very close friends for over 40 years. It was just a gift I bought her on a trip we went on together. Wow. Some people are so f...ing strange

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does the ring remind you of a sexual relationship?

yes

. Why? Why would you be so disrespectful and answer this? Hell no. We were friends for over 40 yrs. never sexual. Weird person!

[Anonymous]

OP, I would pay attention to the husband and check in on him periodically maybe once a quarter or so, and make sure he's doing well, if he needs help. If and when you feel that he is starting to find closure or is ready to move on, like if he starts dating again, or if he is ready to box up her things, then you can approach him and being very careful ask if he is not planning on keeping the ring, if he would mind you having it as a keepsake. Be sure to let him know that if he is planning on keeping it that you want him to have it first, but only want to have it if he is planning on disposing or donating it.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't be bothered at all by this type of request, I wouldn't wait if I were you.

[Anonymous]

How do you know this hasn't become a sentimental item to people closer to her, like her kids? If she wore it a lot or always wore it on a certain kind of occasion, it may well be even more meaningful to her family.

I know someone who did something very similar (except it was a garment) and the whole family talks about how bizarre and inappropriate the asker was.

[Anonymous]

Yikes. Especially if she has children. Just yikes. Let them grieve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Different strokes for different folks I guess. I just had a close relative pass and this type of request wouldn’t have bothered me at all. I’d actually think it was pretty sweet considering how close you and the friend were. Shrugs shoulders

I totally agree. After my W passed, I had a relative remind me that W had promised her a certain piece of jewelry. She was obviously very uncomfortable telling me (and I knew it was true-no issue there). I was relieved to give it to her and know she cherishes it. I'm still sort of "stuck" with a lot of her jewelry, most of which I bought her. I'd be glad if a friend of hers asked for some specific piece if it meant something to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Different strokes for different folks I guess. I just had a close relative pass and this type of request wouldn’t have bothered me at all. I’d actually think it was pretty sweet considering how close you and the friend were. Shrugs shoulders

I totally agree. After my W passed, I had a relative remind me that W had promised her a certain piece of jewelry. She was obviously very uncomfortable telling me (and I knew it was true-no issue there). I was relieved to give it to her and know she cherishes it. I'm still sort of "stuck" with a lot of her jewelry, most of which I bought her. I'd be glad if a friend of hers asked for some specific piece if it meant something to her.

So write an email to friends and family letting them know that if they want some of the jewelry, to let you know, and you'll consider everyone's requests. This is not difficult--you are not "stuck" with anything, you just haven't taken any action.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry for your loss, Op? Was your friend's death very sudden and unexpected?

[Anonymous]

^didn't mean for that first ? mark. That was supposed to be a period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does the ring remind you of a sexual relationship?

yes

. Why? Why would you be so disrespectful and answer this? Hell no. We were friends for over 40 yrs. never sexual. Weird person!

Yeah people are crazy.

But OP since you were so close, your friend's spouse may ask you if there is something you want. And that would open the door to asking about the ring. I would definitely ask this of my husband's good friends, once I was ready to part with material items.

[Anonymous]

This is so tacky Op. Do not do this.