Dating a Guy with PTSD

[Anonymous]

The people who say no to dating certain people are usually the same ones who won't date people base don color, ethnic background, and religion. some may call them___________
Fill in blank

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The people who say no to dating certain people are usually the same ones who won't date people base don color, ethnic background, and religion. some may call them___________
Fill in blank

Choosing not to date someone with PTSD is more like choosing not to date someone with an addiction, BPD, etc rather than someone of a specific ethnic background. People of different ethnicities can still be functioning adults in a relationship, while someone with an untreated (or poorly treated) mental illness can’t. You don’t get social justice bonus points for creating a relationship with someone who can’t meet your needs and will likely make you miserable.

I wouldn’t date someone who just received a diagnosis. I would date someone who was working hard at treatment, taking treatment seriously, and had been doing so for several years.

Furthermore, building a romantic relationship with someone with a mental illness often hurts them more by enabling them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The people who say no to dating certain people are usually the same ones who won't date people base don color, ethnic background, and religion. some may call them___________
Fill in blank

Choosing not to date someone with PTSD is more like choosing not to date someone with an addiction, BPD, etc rather than someone of a specific ethnic background. People of different ethnicities can still be functioning adults in a relationship, while someone with an untreated (or poorly treated) mental illness can’t. You don’t get social justice bonus points for creating a relationship with someone who can’t meet your needs and will likely make you miserable.

I wouldn’t date someone who just received a diagnosis. I would date someone who was working hard at treatment, taking treatment seriously, and had been doing so for several years.

Furthermore, building a romantic relationship with someone with a mental illness often hurts them more by enabling them.

But that's not what PP said. PP said they don't date military / police regardless of mental illness status...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The people who say no to dating certain people are usually the same ones who won't date people base don color, ethnic background, and religion. some may call them___________
Fill in blank

Choosing not to date someone with PTSD is more like choosing not to date someone with an addiction, BPD, etc rather than someone of a specific ethnic background. People of different ethnicities can still be functioning adults in a relationship, while someone with an untreated (or poorly treated) mental illness can’t. You don’t get social justice bonus points for creating a relationship with someone who can’t meet your needs and will likely make you miserable.

I wouldn’t date someone who just received a diagnosis. I would date someone who was working hard at treatment, taking treatment seriously, and had been doing so for several years.

Furthermore, building a romantic relationship with someone with a mental illness often hurts them more by enabling them.

But that's not what PP said. PP said they don't date military / police regardless of mental illness status...

So what? Would you date a sex worker, cashier at McDonald’s, or someone who works for the political party you don’t agree with?

It’s okay to choose not to date someone because of their job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t do it! I’m married to a law enforcement officer with PTSD. It’s always been a factor, but that we have kids it’s impacting them. My spouse cannot be confronted without feeling cornered and exploding, whether is me trying to discuss an issue or road rage. If you take the chance make sure his treatment is intense and ongoing. I have big regrets about being in my situation.

This is one person’s experience. Here’s another:

I’ve been with DH for 13 years. He developed PTSD about 6 years ago. He’s been blown up and otherwise combat wounded, killed several people, seen several friends killed. His PTSD is generally not an issue, but when it is, it really is. It has changed our communication style to where I know if I’m going to say something negative or push him in any way, I need to say my piece and leave him alone for awhile. He’s explosive, and moreso when he feels cornered. It’s a very true depiction of fight or flight. Then there’s the flip side where he calls me at work in the middle of the day crying and saying he needs me and I go home and find him curled up in the stairs. Those incidents usually last a couple days.

Here’s the thing. Everybody you date will have their thing. If it’s not PTSD maybe it’s another mental illness like bipolar. Maybe they were abused. Maybe they have general self esteem issues. Maybe they are type A and stress themselves out. You have to learn to give people a chance, regardless of their label. DH has 1-2 PTSD triggered moments each year. They are an inconvenience, but he is not. Talk to the guy you’re dating and find out how he manages his incidents and what you should do. Having a plan makes it far more manageable.

I'm a veteran who has breakdowns like your husband. My wife isn't as understanding, you seem to be. You're a good person, I'm sure he appreciates you.

[Anonymous]

My daughter's dad has PTSD. He's a combat vet who still deploys on civilian contracts. I didn't know at first, but once I did, I learned how to not do things that would trigger him. He can have an explosive temper, which can be stressful, but it helps me to know that it's part of the PTSD, so i don't take it as personally.

He's a good dude, very smart and personable. I like that he served our country, so this is just something I put up with. A lot of people have issues for lesser reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter's dad has PTSD. He's a combat vet who still deploys on civilian contracts. I didn't know at first, but once I did, I learned how to not do things that would trigger him. He can have an explosive temper, which can be stressful, but it helps me to know that it's part of the PTSD, so i don't take it as personally.

He's a good dude, very smart and personable. I like that he served our country, so this is just something I put up with. A lot of people have issues for lesser reasons.

PTSD is no excuse for emotional abuse.

Your D will learn that it's okay to pick a partner who is explosive "when you trigger him". Meaning his anger is your fault and your responsibility. That is a very maladaptive family model.

Your H must get therapy (EMDR and DBT) and take responsibility for his own emotions.

I get it, he has an excuse... PTSD. But that is very unhealthy. You will become a "battered wife", just emotionally battered.

My H is 10 years into PTSD and we don't walk on egg shells for him, he excuses himself and does self care if he feels triggered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The people who say no to dating certain people are usually the same ones who won't date people base don color, ethnic background, and religion. some may call them___________
Fill in blank

i[b]


Lol yeah no. I'm happy to date black guys but I'm not dating ex police, military not just because of ptsd. I don't like their type. I also don't date bipolar or people with mental illness but I'm happy to date a Chinese guy. Nice try, pp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The people who say no to dating certain people are usually the same ones who won't date people base don color, ethnic background, and religion. some may call them___________
Fill in blank

Choosing not to date someone with PTSD is more like choosing not to date someone with an addiction, BPD, etc rather than someone of a specific ethnic background. People of different ethnicities can still be functioning adults in a relationship, while someone with an untreated (or poorly treated) mental illness can’t. You don’t get social justice bonus points for creating a relationship with someone who can’t meet your needs and will likely make you miserable.

I wouldn’t date someone who just received a diagnosis. I would date someone who was working hard at treatment, taking treatment seriously, and had been doing so for several years.

Furthermore, building a romantic relationship with someone with a mental illness often hurts them more by enabling them.

But that's not what PP said. PP said they don't date military / police regardless of mental illness status...

So what? Would you date a sex worker, cashier at McDonald’s, or someone who works for the political party you don’t agree with?

It’s okay to choose not to date someone because of their job.

It is also okay to choose not to date someone because of religion, cultural background, height, weight, hair type, smell, looks, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The people who say no to dating certain people are usually the same ones who won't date people base don color, ethnic background, and religion. some may call them___________
Fill in blank

Not quite. But even if they do, that's okay. There are certain religions and ethnic backgrounds I would not date- everyone knows what they are open to and what they aren't. The bar for friendship (or employment or being neighbors or anything else) is way different than the bar for life partnership. As it should be.

[Anonymous]

He brought it up. That means it's ok to ask questions, especially the most important one: "How do you think your PTSD might affect our relationship?"

And then make your own conclusions as you date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The people who say no to dating certain people are usually the same ones who won't date people base don color, ethnic background, and religion. some may call them___________
Fill in blank

Filling the blank: normal, people, human, free to date whoever they like.

[Anonymous]

I'd pass, but then I have a bad past experience with an ex-soldier who had PTSD and was verbally and physically abusive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope nope nope noooooooo. In general I refuse to date military and police. Move on. Too many issues.

Not all have PTSD or issues. You sound obnoxious.

Agreed. Women often have it too from traumatic events in their lives and PTSD manifests in different wears and there is a lot of effective therapeutic interventions. It is not a death sentence. People often want to have a check list and treat people as "irreparably damage" rather than seeing people in a process of growing and healing. Rather than go off of a diagnostic label, judge a person by their character, how they treat others, how they act around friends, whether they are a weapon/gun aficionado, etc.