feel like crying...

[Anonymous]

Another poster with a similar story. Have a DD who is 4 and just wonderful. We had her naturally. Took 1 year off and then started trying again at 39 with no success. Between 40-41 we did 1 IUI and 1 IVF's that failed. Just turned 42 and have started thinking about it all again. Life is great with 3 of us, but would 4 be better? Many people comment, "when are you having another". I think the people who say that have not been through infertility so they don't realize the trendous pressure they put on you. Do I want to scream "Well, we've been trying for over 3 years, spent over $30k and it's just not happening. Would you like to contribute another $12k so I can try again??"" I honestly think if I had better coverage, and $50k that I inherited or something, we'd try at least 2 more times. But then again, maybe life was meant to be this way for us.

OP, I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. It is a story many of us share. I know that doesn't make it feel all better, but please know that with time you can come to accept anyything life brings you. God bless and good luck to all.

[Anonymous]

Hi, OP. I'm sorry about your situation. I don't have any advice to give. Just sending hugs.

[Anonymous]

OP and others - please, please, please try to hang in there. Everyone is different and I know the grass is always greener. It's been a roller coaster this past month due to family illness (one with a terminal diagnosis) and so much to handle. But, if you are healthy, DH is healthy, and your DC is healthy - that is what matters more than anything else in the world. There is a quote I like -- "Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy". I can't put into words how hard it will be to deal when this family members passes away and as cliche as it sounds -- LIFE IS SHORT. I look at friend's with 3 and 4 kids and wonder how they heck they did it and one of them (not in so many words) had indicated that maybe they should have stopped earlier! I was devastated after a m/c and couldn't try again for a year (that was my way of dealing - just didn't try). Got back on bcp's and went on a few exotic trips and then tried. And we got pregnant the second month we tried and I have a beautiful little child and I think to myself - if I hadn't had a miscarriage, then he wouldn't be here (it would be a different child). And I think he is so sweet and wonderful and he is here for a reason... I hope this makes sense. I realize I'm rambling and my heart goes out to all of you that are trying and keep seeing other women pregnant or delivering babies, but it's like that butterfly quote - "Love is like a butterfly, it settles upon you when you least expect it..." I tried to do that after my m/c and I did have success. So, enjoy what you have and the less you stress it might work to you advantages. Big hugs OP (and others).

[Anonymous]

OP here... thanks to the most recent poster. That was really helpful.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP,

No specific advice except to say that I hope you are being good and kind to yourself right now. It can be so hard to be our own best friend. Your feelings are all so completely normal and understandable. Please take it easy on yourself, you deserve that.