18 yo wants to transfer to be near boyfriend. WWYD?

[Anonymous]

As long as grades are acceptable, I’d allow it.

Get her on bc too!

[Anonymous]

It's pathetic to go chasing a boy. Make sure she understands this.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think there is any problem with the desire to be near her boyfriend. I’m assuming you know and like him though. That he’s a good match for her. Is it the most independent choice? Of course not. But it’s a potential life lesson.

I would be more focused on whether she, independently, would like the new school, and whether she can get an adequate education. Many religious colleges are horrible at academics. If so then sure.

Although I would have a little talk about college costs and how she should understand how fortunate she is that college is paid for. So many people don’t have that privilege. It’s something to be grateful for, not think of as an entitlement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's pathetic to go chasing a boy. Make sure she understands this.

No. Don't do more than ask her to think about it. I stayed with a boyfriend my parents didn't like much longer than I should have because I had a hard time deciding if I really wanted to break up with him or if it was my parents' pressure making me feel that way.

She's 18. She's not dropping out altogether to marry him. If it's a decent school, she's not doing anything that bad.

And if he wants her there, too, then she's not "chasing" him. She's moving to be closer to him.

[Anonymous]

Ugh. How good a relationship do any of you have with her in terms of being able to have honest conversations? At the heart of this is making a decision that is the right thing for her and not have the boyfriend be the motivating reason. Tough to get an 18 year to admit or realize. Make sure she understands that you will support her but she needs to be honest about her reasons. That you want the best thing for her.

Ask her how she sees college playing out if things don't work out with the boyfriend. A small school seems even smaller with an ex on campus. If you are going to pay for college, you will need to be a part of the decision, and she should be looking at a broader range to transfer to - not just the one her boyfriend is at, to make sure she understands her reasons.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the tuition is cheaper, and the school is reasonably good, let her go.

You say that she might end up married at 22 as if that's some horrible fate. Your DH is the last person who's in much of a position to be giving relationship advice.

NP, but why? Because he and his first wife realized it was time to cut their losses and split up, and both of them ended up remarried? Okkkkayyy.

[Anonymous]

I would probably not pay for it. Don't the uber religious schools have a lot of rules about men and women being apart, dress codes, etc.? That goes against my belief system so I wouldn't put money towards it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, sorry for the double post, my computer had a hiccup.

We don't yet know about the caliber of the new school -- haven't had a chance to do that homework (and she hasn't done it either, unfortunately).

Do that first. OP, I think that everybody here needs more information. Both sets of parents, and the student. Learn more first, THEN make decisions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would probably not pay for it. Don't the uber religious schools have a lot of rules about men and women being apart, dress codes, etc.? That goes against my belief system so I wouldn't put money towards it.

But OP said a conservative religious school was what they told her to pick in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Definitely do more research, and branch out to other schools within a reasonable proximity to her boyfriend's school. That way you can make sure that she ends up in a place that is a good fit, regardless of the relationship's future.

[Anonymous]

OP! I almost did this!
At the end of freshman year, I had applied to BF's school and was ready to go. My parents told me to wait one more semester. I ended up staying at my college for all 4 years. Broke up with BF and married someone else years later.
I don't think I'd handle my own teen daughter that way, though. If you're just upset she's going for the BF, let her do it. If it's a mistake it's not a big deal, she gets and education and has moved farther away and gained the experience of making the mistake. This is life.
All of this changes if the BF is abusive or a total loser of course.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depends on the caliber of the small, very conservative religious college her boyfriend is at -- is it accredited? Does it have the major she wants? Would she have to switch to some BS secretarial program? I grew up around a lot of "small, very conservative religious colleges" and the degrees were both expensive and not worth the paper they were printed on.

If it's a good school and just happens to be where her boyfriend is, I would not stand in her way. Making relationship mistakes is a part of the growing up process during the college years.

I didn't know that religious colleges offered BS secretarial programs.

[Anonymous]

OP, are you concerned about the quality of the education at the other school? That would be the only reason to try to dissuade her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on the caliber of the small, very conservative religious college her boyfriend is at -- is it accredited? Does it have the major she wants? Would she have to switch to some BS secretarial program? I grew up around a lot of "small, very conservative religious colleges" and the degrees were both expensive and not worth the paper they were printed on.

If it's a good school and just happens to be where her boyfriend is, I would not stand in her way. Making relationship mistakes is a part of the growing up process during the college years.

I didn't know that religious colleges offered BS secretarial programs.

Yeah, they do. And they steer girlfriends brought along for the ride into them.

[Anonymous]

If she is religious and WANTS to go to this small religious school than there's not much you can do to dissuade her. Is there another school closer to her bf's school she could transfer to that may be a better fit than her current school? My high school BF went to a small religious school and since my parents couldn't afford that school I went to a mid-sized public university 1.5 hours from him and made plans for me to transfer at some point so we could get married and live in married student housing - since most of these kids are waiting until marriage to have sex getting married at 19/20/21 is very common! Of course, we broke up late my freshman year (he was a year older)... But at least I wasn't stuck at a small school with him! Issue will be that if she's moving there to be with him she's going to HAVE to insert herself into "his" friends. If they break up, they will likely choose him and she will have to start over, which is very hard to do on a small campus.