How often do you (or did you) think of divorce?

[Anonymous]

Every time he doesn’t do what he said he would do.

Unreliable.

[Anonymous]

Never

Been married 15 years

I think relationships should be easy. If you have to work that hard and consider divorce multiple times, you're not right for each other.

There is most likely someone out there who would be a much better fit for both of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This will be my STBXW’s 4th divorce (45 y/o) so apparently she thinks about it frequently. Of course, each one is the fault of the DH

Didn’t you consider that a red flag when you became her 4th husband?

[Anonymous]

I think about it a lot, and have been married 7 years (together 10). He's unreliable and rather inconsiderate about most things, but he's not abusive. He just never feels present - he's always on his phone or computer, even with the baby. It doesn't feel like a good enough reason to leave, it doesn't feel "big" enough. We have talked about therapy but haven't ever been able to made it work. It's often very exhausting but I don't really know what else to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think about it a lot, and have been married 7 years (together 10). He's unreliable and rather inconsiderate about most things, but he's not abusive. He just never feels present - he's always on his phone or computer, even with the baby. It doesn't feel like a good enough reason to leave, it doesn't feel "big" enough. We have talked about therapy but haven't ever been able to made it work. It's often very exhausting but I don't really know what else to do.

What keeps you in the marriage?

[Anonymous]

Every single day. There is no reason for us to be married other than the kids. We don’t much like each other, don’t spend time together, and like some of the PPs don’t even sleep in the same room. Our day to day varies from quietly civil to huge (emotionally scarring) rampages. DW has various mental health issues and I think the kids need me as a buffer, which is the main reason I haven’t left. I’m afraid she would do something truly terrible if I ever went through with it. But I feel like my own life and happiness are pretty much over.

[Anonymous]

Only one time. First year of marriage. Stuck in a train station in Japan because he lost his ticket. He was being an ass. (Anxious and didn't know the language)
Actually, I didn't think of divorcing him. I thought of abandoning him and letting him figure it out.

Since then, never.

[Anonymous]

Never. It's been 10 years. I think the opposite that I'm damn lucky.

Sorry you feel that way op.

[Anonymous]

Frequently. We’ve moved 5 times in 4 years to 3 countries and 2 states for his postdocs. He just this week received a good tenure track offer, and i pray we can heal ourselves and our marriage after the turmoil of the first 5 years of our marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every single day. There is no reason for us to be married other than the kids. We don’t much like each other, don’t spend time together, and like some of the PPs don’t even sleep in the same room. Our day to day varies from quietly civil to huge (emotionally scarring) rampages. DW has various mental health issues and I think the kids need me as a buffer, which is the main reason I haven’t left. I’m afraid she would do something truly terrible if I ever went through with it. But I feel like my own life and happiness are pretty much over.

This was me. XDH had/has severe mental issues and I didn’t want the kids to spend time alone with him in a shared custody arrangement. No, I don’t think he would ever have abused them physically. But he couldn't handle even the simplest logistics and he would have abused them mentally in various manipulative ways (in fact he did that while we were still married despite my vigilance).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Answer: Frequently. We've been married 11 years and together for 13 years. In my opinion, there are things other than "happiness" to consider, which is why I haven't left. We have a 7 and 4 year old which complicates matters deeply. At this point, I'm not sure I (or the kids) would be better off if we separated. I have no family in the area so I'd be struggling balancing work with the kids, which is already hard (I'm an attorney). My kids wouldn't be able to attend the same school because I would no longer be able to afford the neighborhood on one income. Leaving isn't worth it...at least not now. I think this is the way with many marriages. It's not an abusive relationship, or one in which we are mean to each other in front of the kids...I'm just so over him..

You've perfectly described how I've been feeling in my marriage for a couple of years now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Apparently it’s all DCUM women think about.

They also think about how to snag a rich husband

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every single day. There is no reason for us to be married other than the kids. We don’t much like each other, don’t spend time together, and like some of the PPs don’t even sleep in the same room. Our day to day varies from quietly civil to huge (emotionally scarring) rampages. DW has various mental health issues and I think the kids need me as a buffer, which is the main reason I haven’t left. I’m afraid she would do something truly terrible if I ever went through with it. But I feel like my own life and happiness are pretty much over.

This was me. XDH had/has severe mental issues and I didn’t want the kids to spend time alone with him in a shared custody arrangement. No, I don’t think he would ever have abused them physically. But he couldn't handle even the simplest logistics and he would have abused them mentally in various manipulative ways (in fact he did that while we were still married despite my vigilance).

This is what keeps me here too. Almost at the finish line...

[Anonymous]

Never. Neither of us are perfect but we are happy and much better together than apart. Married 10 years, together 15. Kids are six and four.

[Anonymous]

Only once in 15 years. That was in the months after my husband's brain injury. His personality changed for the worse during his healing period. Luckily time and his own therapy (physical & mental) turned things around within six months.

Before and after that point - never. We are very happy.