Tactful way to say you no longer want to exchange gifts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We stopped doing this years ago when our kids were little. We just said that we were only going to do gifts for the kids because we were adults and had everything we needed. No one was offended. After we let that sink in for a few years we started just doing gifts for our kids at home and not giving gifts to nieces and nephews. No one seemed to notice by then.

Oh, we parents (and kids!) notice that their aunt and uncle aren't doing presents any more. It's pretty glaring.

+1. My brother and his wife just stopped giving kids gifts a couple years ago. Yes, people notice. And it's not like their kids suddenly stopped wanting gifts on their birthdays, so everyone else still buys for all the kids, including theirs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We stopped doing this years ago when our kids were little. We just said that we were only going to do gifts for the kids because we were adults and had everything we needed. No one was offended. After we let that sink in for a few years we started just doing gifts for our kids at home and not giving gifts to nieces and nephews. No one seemed to notice by then.

Oh, we parents (and kids!) notice that their aunt and uncle aren't doing presents any more. It's pretty glaring.

+1. My brother and his wife just stopped giving kids gifts a couple years ago. Yes, people notice. And it's not like their kids suddenly stopped wanting gifts on their birthdays, so everyone else still buys for all the kids, including theirs.

NP, but...why not just stop buying their kids gifts? They have already set the precedent by not buying YOUR kids gifts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We stopped doing this years ago when our kids were little. We just said that we were only going to do gifts for the kids because we were adults and had everything we needed. No one was offended. After we let that sink in for a few years we started just doing gifts for our kids at home and not giving gifts to nieces and nephews. No one seemed to notice by then.

Oh, we parents (and kids!) notice that their aunt and uncle aren't doing presents any more. It's pretty glaring.

+1. My brother and his wife just stopped giving kids gifts a couple years ago. Yes, people notice. And it's not like their kids suddenly stopped wanting gifts on their birthdays, so everyone else still buys for all the kids, including theirs.

NP, but...why not just stop buying their kids gifts? They have already set the precedent by not buying YOUR kids gifts.

Agreed. They don't want you to buy their kids gifts. Just stop

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it’s important to your parents, then you may want to think of an alternative - like no gift exchange for siblings. We long ago stopped gifting our siblings and their kids, but we continued with our parents and our parents continued to gift us.

This.

[Anonymous]

My family does gifts for our parents, but at Christmas we just do one of those gift exchange games so you only bring one gift. None of the siblings give gifts for birthdays anymore unless we just happen to see something we want to give to each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We stopped doing this years ago when our kids were little. We just said that we were only going to do gifts for the kids because we were adults and had everything we needed. No one was offended. After we let that sink in for a few years we started just doing gifts for our kids at home and not giving gifts to nieces and nephews. No one seemed to notice by then.

Oh, we parents (and kids!) notice that their aunt and uncle aren't doing presents any more. It's pretty glaring.

+1. My brother and his wife just stopped giving kids gifts a couple years ago. Yes, people notice. And it's not like their kids suddenly stopped wanting gifts on their birthdays, so everyone else still buys for all the kids, including theirs.

NP, but...why not just stop buying their kids gifts? They have already set the precedent by not buying YOUR kids gifts.

Because, as I said, it's not like the kids actually stopped wanting gifts. We have enough kids in the family that birthdays are close together so when we see each other, it's often the chance to acknowledge more than one birthday. Am I really supposed to give 3 kids gifts and not the fourth and just say "Well your parents don't buy my kid a gift so I'm not buying you one"? Or maybe, "You're parents don't want us giving you guys gifts" (which is a conversation they clearly have NOT had with their kids). All these kids are 10 and under btw, so it's not like their teenagers who might not care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We stopped doing this years ago when our kids were little. We just said that we were only going to do gifts for the kids because we were adults and had everything we needed. No one was offended. After we let that sink in for a few years we started just doing gifts for our kids at home and not giving gifts to nieces and nephews. No one seemed to notice by then.

Oh, we parents (and kids!) notice that their aunt and uncle aren't doing presents any more. It's pretty glaring.

+1. My brother and his wife just stopped giving kids gifts a couple years ago. Yes, people notice. And it's not like their kids suddenly stopped wanting gifts on their birthdays, so everyone else still buys for all the kids, including theirs.

NP, but...why not just stop buying their kids gifts? They have already set the precedent by not buying YOUR kids gifts.

Because, as I said, it's not like the kids actually stopped wanting gifts. We have enough kids in the family that birthdays are close together so when we see each other, it's often the chance to acknowledge more than one birthday. Am I really supposed to give 3 kids gifts and not the fourth and just say "Well your parents don't buy my kid a gift so I'm not buying you one"? Or maybe, "You're parents don't want us giving you guys gifts" (which is a conversation they clearly have NOT had with their kids). All these kids are 10 and under btw, so it's not like their teenagers who might not care.

Related Question: At what age do you stop giving to the children? We still give to nieces and nephews who are all in college or older, because we know their parents would have a fit if it stopped. When they were little, we gave what their parents told us to give, but the children (then old enough to know better) would announce "I already HAVE this!" - which was kind of disparaging. Now, we also give to visiting cousins who are in high school because they are visiting and we don't want to leave anyone out. The only time we see these people is Christmas, they all live close by, and there is very, very little effort otherwise, both sides (we used to ask them to join us socially, but we eventually gave up because 1.) they more often than not replied no and 2.) when we saw them, we felt on ongoing theme of them seemingly questioning why we have what we do, and they do not - the "why don't you give me more" thing gets kind of awkward).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We stopped doing this years ago when our kids were little. We just said that we were only going to do gifts for the kids because we were adults and had everything we needed. No one was offended. After we let that sink in for a few years we started just doing gifts for our kids at home and not giving gifts to nieces and nephews. No one seemed to notice by then.

Oh, we parents (and kids!) notice that their aunt and uncle aren't doing presents any more. It's pretty glaring.

+1. My brother and his wife just stopped giving kids gifts a couple years ago. Yes, people notice. And it's not like their kids suddenly stopped wanting gifts on their birthdays, so everyone else still buys for all the kids, including theirs.

NP, but...why not just stop buying their kids gifts? They have already set the precedent by not buying YOUR kids gifts.

Because, as I said, it's not like the kids actually stopped wanting gifts. We have enough kids in the family that birthdays are close together so when we see each other, it's often the chance to acknowledge more than one birthday. Am I really supposed to give 3 kids gifts and not the fourth and just say "Well your parents don't buy my kid a gift so I'm not buying you one"? Or maybe, "You're parents don't want us giving you guys gifts" (which is a conversation they clearly have NOT had with their kids). All these kids are 10 and under btw, so it's not like their teenagers who might not care.

Related Question: At what age do you stop giving to the children? We still give to nieces and nephews who are all in college or older, because we know their parents would have a fit if it stopped. When they were little, we gave what their parents told us to give, but the children (then old enough to know better) would announce "I already HAVE this!" - which was kind of disparaging. Now, we also give to visiting cousins who are in high school because they are visiting and we don't want to leave anyone out. The only time we see these people is Christmas, they all live close by, and there is very, very little effort otherwise, both sides (we used to ask them to join us socially, but we eventually gave up because 1.) they more often than not replied no and 2.) when we saw them, we felt on ongoing theme of them seemingly questioning why we have what we do, and they do not - the "why don't you give me more" thing gets kind of awkward).

We typically stop around 18/high school graduation, except for special circumstances - graduation gift, wedding, etc. At least, that's how it went for my generation when we became adults and I assume it will go that way for our kids. But we don't really have parents who seem entitled to our money if we have more - yikes! I think it's becomes easier to stop after 18 because usually in the teen years gifts become gift cards which are less meaningful than a toy they really want, and teens are less interested in celebrating their birthdays with cake etc. with aunts and uncles (which they all still enjoy now as they're so young), and it just kind of fades off naturally.