Anonymous wrote:I think it's hard for us to know what her intent was there, especially not having heard the exchange. My initial impression was that she was sharing something you'd done that really upset/embarrassed her at the time in the hopes of getting an acknowledgment/apology. Granted, you were a young child at the time, and I think there's something to be said for parents recognizing that when kids do something like that, they're typically acting out something that's bothering them that they can't figure out how to express directly, and forgiving them for the behavior because the kid didn't know how else to deal with it. But she hasn't let it go, so it's worth addressing now. The problem is that you two got into debating what actually happened, when she has only her memory of what you did and assumptions she made about why, and you don't have any memory of it at all, so there's no solid basis for you two resolving the issue of what actually happened.
Instead of getting mired down in a debate you can't resolve, I would have focused on the emotions behind it. I think I would have responded to your mom with something like, "Mom, I don't remember saying those things when I was young or why I would have said them, but I believe you that I did and I'm sure it was embarrassing and uncomfortable for you. I'm sorry for doing it." You're not saying she's right about your motivations (and since you don't know what your motivation might have been, you can't say for sure either way) and it doesn't mean you were a screwed up kid, you're addressing the fact of what she recalls you doing and the impact it had on her. I know you weren't planning on bringing it up again, but if you'd feel comfortable with something like my suggestion above, bringing it up again simply to acknowledge her experience and apologize for the impact you had on her might go a long way toward making peace with the issue/
Of all the possible reasons OP's mom brought this up, wanting OP to apologize seems by far the least likely. Also, it doesn't sound like this was brought up in a contentious way. If OP's mom is getting into fights with her about something she did when she was 8, then I would advise OP to steer far away from her mother as she is clearly unstable.
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