Teacher disclosed conference discussion to another parent

[Anonymous]

Ugh OP, the teacher was totally wrong. I am not sure how to resolve it fruitfully with the teacher - my normal approach is to go nuclear, which does not work

with the other parent, I don't think you have any choice other than to be totally upfront about the situation and say exactly what you've said here -- that it's about your daughter and not a complaint about hers.

[Anonymous]

My dd also has ADHD and is in fourth grade. She has inattentive type. No one has ever indicated that she is distracting to other students, but I have had to ask teachers to move my child due to distracting behavior of others. I’d be upset if the teacher discussed my child’s need for reduced distractions with other parents when it had no impact on their children. I think you should speak with the teacher.

[Anonymous]

I wonder if your child is in my child’s class. He is in 4th grade and the teacher doesn’t seem to understand confidentiality. When I met with the teacher, I shared that he’d complained that his friend was distracting him by talking too much in class and he thought moving seats would help. The teacher responded by disclosing information about the friend that I definitely should not know including that the friend has a behavioral plan. I would be extremely upset if the roles were reversed. I have lost all respect for the teacher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a conference with my daughter's teacher earlier this year where I asked that she be separated from another child in class. Other child wasn't doing anything wrong, but has a habit that my daughter (who has ADHD) finds especially distracting and disruptive when she's trying to focus. The focus of the conversation was truly on my daughter and what she needed to do what she's supposed to, I specifically said to the teacher that I knew the other child wasn't doing anything wrong and that the issue was with my child's response. Apparently the teacher made some reference to our conversation to the parent of the other child, who is now pissed at me and says I'm trying to blame my child's problems on her kid (which is also concerning because other kid's parent had no basis previously to know my daughter has ADHD, but from what the parent said it seems like they may have picked it up from the teacher).

Do I have any privacy expectation here around information I share in a private conference with the teacher? Yes, I discussed my daughter's interaction with another student, but with no suggestion that the other child was doing anything inappropriate or that would warrant disciplinary action. I have no idea the context in which the teacher shared this information (other parent wasn't forthcoming about that), but this feels like a huge violation of my daughter's privacy given that the issue was ultimately my child's special needs rather than the other child.

I think both the teacher and the other parent acted inappropriately. Kids get moved all the time and often it's because certain kids should not be sitting next to one another during work time. It's not personal- my son has ADHD and has historically been the one to be moved--maybe at a teacher's discretion or a complaint by another parent. I have no idea and that's how it should be. The other parent has no business knowing about your daughter's issues and less business bringing it up to you directly in reference to her child.

As for the teacher, I would send a diplomatic email to the principal asking that confidentiality be more carefully preserved in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if your child is in my child’s class. He is in 4th grade and the teacher doesn’t seem to understand confidentiality. When I met with the teacher, I shared that he’d complained that his friend was distracting him by talking too much in class and he thought moving seats would help. The teacher responded by disclosing information about the friend that I definitely should not know including that the friend has a behavioral plan. I would be extremely upset if the roles were reversed. I have lost all respect for the teacher.

This should really be reported to the principal so she can put a kibosh on any future privacy violations.

[Anonymous]

I would give the teacher a chance to explain. I would not be accusatory. Just seem confused and mention that you know the confidentiality regulations so you wanted clarification from her/him.

That said, some teachers have zero respect for confidentiality. I have been privy to so many things over the years and I have had parents share with me things teachers disclosed and shouldn't have about my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I need some clarification. OP in your initial post you and the teacher discussed the other child and her habit. Why is it okay if you talk about another child but not the other parent?

Thank you for this question, it really helped crystallize the problem for me, which I was having trouble articulating before. The problem is the direction of the flow of information. I provided information to the teacher that I had received from my daughter in order to help the teacher find a solution to a classroom management issue. I did not ask for, nor did I receive, information about someone else's child. This parent was given information about my child, and it was done with no apparent need for the information to justify the violation of my child's privacy.

Thank you for responding and putting it so nicely. I was really having trouble understanding the problem because my first interpretation of your original post was that you had been discussing this other child first. I have a much better understanding now.

I agree with some other posters that you should discuss it with the teacher. It could be, as a poster put it back on page 1, that the parent didn't get any direct information but put 2 and 2 together; on the other hand, it could be something different.

My mode usually is to go in with a question and be very, very friendly. I know other people tend to go in hard and nuke but that is just not my style. I'm much more honey and flies. Hopefully this was a one-off but you do want the teacher to know that the other parent has been unkind and you do want the teacher to know that you are concerned. Good luck!