What does a heathy in law relationship look like?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL refers to me as a daughter. When she introduces me to her friends she'll say "This is my daughter-in-law Cass, but I love her like a daughter."

She and FIL have always given me gifts similar to what they've given their own children. FIL will text me and say "I took my car in to get the tires rotated and was looking at pics DS (my husband) sent which made me wonder - have you gotten your tires done? Oil changed? Call me with any questions."

When we had our first baby they were very excited. At one point I asked, "What do you want in terms of involvement?" regarding labor and delivery and MIL said, "We want to do whatever will be most helpful for you."

When DH broke his leg and I had a big project at work, they insisted we tell them our favorite restaurants to get delivery from, and each night we had dinner delivered.

This is how I want to be. I appreciate these amazing examples of incredible human beings. Not OP, but grateful!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You lost me with “Trumpsters” - where’s your tolerance for those who don’t share your viewpoint? I feel for your ILs, habing such a prejudiced DIL. Grow up.

This cannot be a real post. Tolerance for the intolerant? We’ll all get right on that for ya!

+1

OP, the haters are never going to be anything but.

+1

This, this, this.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, they sound a bit bigoted.

My in-law situation... started out a little lukewarm, ILs were ambivalent about their DS moving away and getting married. No one was good enough type situation. Different religion/cultural factors.

I gave them a lot of space and they started to warm up. Now we are close. E-mail frequently about grandkids, I am included generously in family gifts and get-togethers. I organized a surprise party for MIL. In my limited experience, it takes time to get to know people but if they are decent at the core then eventually they will come around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You lost me with “Trumpsters” - where’s your tolerance for those who don’t share your viewpoint? I feel for your ILs, habing such a prejudiced DIL. Grow up.

+1

I wouldn’t like you either, OP.
Your closed little intolerant mind is showing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You lost me with “Trumpsters” - where’s your tolerance for those who don’t share your viewpoint? I feel for your ILs, habing such a prejudiced DIL. Grow up.

This cannot be a real post. Tolerance for the intolerant? We’ll all get right on that for ya!

+1

OP, the haters are never going to be anything but.

+1

This, this, this.

You liberals really need to put down the msnbc koolaid.
Be open to opposing thoughts and you may mature a bit.


Seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, they sound a bit bigoted.

My in-law situation... started out a little lukewarm, ILs were ambivalent about their DS moving away and getting married. No one was good enough type situation. Different religion/cultural factors.

I gave them a lot of space and they started to warm up. Now we are close. E-mail frequently about grandkids, I am included generously in family gifts and get-togethers. I organized a surprise party for MIL. In my limited experience, it takes time to get to know people but if they are decent at the core then eventually they will come around.

+1

Key phrase here. You lucked out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am having a difficult time dealing with my in laws. They are...let’s just say, a little nutty.

MIL and FIL are not college educated. They are...Trumpsters,think climate change is fake news, think Melanie and Trump are the epitome of class, think people who are well edicated are snobby elites. They’re also racist and have made awkward and hurtful assumptions about me (I’m black.)

Dating and marrying my DH has not been easy. My in laws are clingy with their children. They resented the fact that he was marrying period never mind the fact that I am not a white girl. They finally came around and we got married.

Now things are...civil. They’re coming around and working to include me in their family. I was touched this Christmas to see MIL finally got me a stocking. I notice MIL buys expensive presents for her children but cheap ones for me but that’s ok I guess.

SIL doesn’t put any pictures of me on her social media even though I am present in events, etc.

By contrast, my sister is dating a great white guy with an amazing liberal well educated white family. They’ve accepted her arms wide open and she’s treated as another one of their children. She’s always texting and joking around with her boyfriends mother and his sister always puts up pictures of the two of them calling her family.

I’m heartbroken. My dream my whole life was to grow my family. I imagined I’d have a lovely MIL who’d be a second mother to me etc.

Is my sisters situation an anamoly? Or are mos ILs as lovely, kind and accepting as hers?

FYI, the accepting loving family could have easily happened in the poorer non-college educated family and the rich white family could have easily been the racist exclusive one. Seen in both ways. You are buying into a stereotype in your post by including those details.

Do you and your DH have children yet? Sometimes things improve once children enter the picture. Then, you will have something in common. How does your DH react to his family’s treatment of you?

Where's your husband in all this?
If you don't have kids yet and plan to, you guys need to be on the same page. Stakes are much higher with kids; unfairness and discrimination you thought you could tolerate before become intolerable to the POC when they see how that reflects on and affects children. GL

This is unfortunately true.

[Anonymous]

Just read DCUM daily..lots of posts on here all the time about how well they get along with their in-laws