Dear friend very unhappy; should I be honest about his marriage?

[Anonymous]

No matter how well you think you know him, you really don't know how much of what he's telling you is exaggerated and you don't know how he behaves at home. It sounds like he's playing for sympathy, which you've been happy to give him. Try changing the subject the next time he starts in on his tales of woe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you by any chance also the OP of the "what is an emotional affair" thread?

OP here. No, I'm not.

I do know him very well and I do know how unhappy he is; I think everyone does. They did couples' therapy for some really long amount of time-- I think upwards of 8 years.

[Anonymous]

I think I know your friend. It’s not that bad if he is still with her.

[Anonymous]

Nothing OP. At most, he may need a recommendation of therapy or drugs to control anxiety.

He must want to stay in his marriage for some reason, if he is still there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do NOT assume he'd be happier leaving. Generally these people tend to bring their own worries with them. He's using you as a dumping ground, so please don't automatically think that he's desperately unhappy all the time. Suggest individual or couples' therapy for him, suggest doing meditation, getting a full check-up at the doctor's, downsizing his life, etc...

If he's confiding in you that much and you suspect his wife keeps him on a short leash, do you see the connection here?

The type of things you mentioned may have as much to do with him as his wife. Family vacations can stress me out and lots of those reaasons have little to do with my DH. A lot has to do with catching up at work after vacations, all the planning I have to do for vacations, having a daughter that gets anxious when things aren’t exactly to plan etc. I had to sit down and figure out what I could do to mitigate those things like taking shorter vacations so the work doesn’t pile up, having a resort or someplace that I don’t need to plan out etc. because I was starting to come back from vacations more stressed out than when I left.

You don’t know how he is handling the things that are within his control so I would focus on the actions he can change.

[Anonymous]

There could be many reasons for your friend's stress, insomnia and stomach problems. I am sure that you want only the best for him, but since you are both married, then I would keep your conversations work related while at work.

I remember reading the rules that Billy Graham lived by. One of them was to never be alone with any woman except his wife. I think this is true about wives, too.

Put all of your thoughts and energy in your own marriage and be a good example of what a marriage should be like for your friend. Good luck to you and your friend!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There could be many reasons for your friend's stress, insomnia and stomach problems. I am sure that you want only the best for him, but since you are both married, then I would keep your conversations work related while at work.

I remember reading the rules that Billy Graham lived by. One of them was to never be alone with any woman except his wife. I think this is true about wives, too.

Put all of your thoughts and energy in your own marriage and be a good example of what a marriage should be like for your friend. Good luck to you and your friend!

Men like that tend to have the worst family and marriage problems FYI. Stifling your sexuality and raising repressed children can have some negative effects.

http://www.christianitytoday.com/news/2016/march/tullian-tchividjian-confesses-second-affair-coral-ridge.html

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/acts-of-faith/wp/2015/06/21/billy-grahams-grandson-steps-down-from-florida-megachurch-after-admitting-an-affair/?utm_term=.35c0fc180a76