What happened to the rich relatives...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you sound smug and mean...especially about the cousin with the health condition, as a PP mentioned. Everyone knows money doesn’t buy happiness or health. Hell, my husband has a chronic health condition that no one would want “for a billion dollars” and we’re not even close to rich. I’m pretty sure most of this forum’s posters know that their kids’ lives are not going to be perfect bc of money, but they’re leaving behind whatever they can to ensure their children have the strongest financial foundation they can provide. I don’t begrudge them that.

+1. I don’t think there are too many adults thinking - omg I’m providing my kids a $10 million trust fund, their lives will be perfect. Most adults are not as naive as you think they are — they realize that bad marriages, recessions, and health issues can happen to anyone including their rich kids. But honestly you’re insecure and kidding yourself if you think money doesn’t make lives easier esp big money. It provides the parents (and kids) the security of knowing that if they lost their job or a pre existing condition caused health insurance cost to triple or they had to spend big money to see a top specialist that doesn’t take insurance, it would be no sweat financially. You’re kidding yourself if you think that kind of mental security isn’t priceless. It’s not all about flying first class and staying at the Ritz in Paris.

Not sure why you see the need to get mean about my post and call me insecure. Maybe you are right, but my post was not for those not-naive people. This forum appears to me to be chock full of people who have a really desperate attitude about money.

And of course money is important and can give you some security. But honestly- who cares? For many of us, we'll never "get rich" and it doesn't matter. If you have two working parents and good insurance, chances are really high that you will make it through a crisis ok. We have to save what we can and live our lives.

I’m being mean?? You’re mocking someone’s health problems?! If you think the security of wealth isn’t important, here’s a hint — don’t pursue it. If you think it’s fine that there are “high chances” that everything will be fine, great. Some people want to pursue true wealth to leave it behind for the next generation so that they aren’t relying on high chances + 2 working parents + good insurance. They can not work or their employer can quadruple insurance premiums and they’ll 100% guaranteed not have to make any financial choices or change their lifestyles one bit. If providing that kind of security is unappealing, don’t.

I wasn't mocking someone's health problems. And my point was that your attitude that "true wealth" is money, or will save you or the next generation, is kind of unhealthy. "True wealth" is spending less than what you make, and being healthy enough to make it through your day happy. Your employer can quadruple insurance premiums, or you could get hit by a bus, or your spouse could develop a gambling addiction and fritter all your money away. Shit happens to everyone and money isn't necessarily the answer. If you want tons of money, that's fine, more power to you. But it's not necessarily for your betterment or that of your children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you sound smug and mean...especially about the cousin with the health condition, as a PP mentioned. Everyone knows money doesn’t buy happiness or health. Hell, my husband has a chronic health condition that no one would want “for a billion dollars” and we’re not even close to rich. I’m pretty sure most of this forum’s posters know that their kids’ lives are not going to be perfect bc of money, but they’re leaving behind whatever they can to ensure their children have the strongest financial foundation they can provide. I don’t begrudge them that.

+1. I don’t think there are too many adults thinking - omg I’m providing my kids a $10 million trust fund, their lives will be perfect. Most adults are not as naive as you think they are — they realize that bad marriages, recessions, and health issues can happen to anyone including their rich kids. But honestly you’re insecure and kidding yourself if you think money doesn’t make lives easier esp big money. It provides the parents (and kids) the security of knowing that if they lost their job or a pre existing condition caused health insurance cost to triple or they had to spend big money to see a top specialist that doesn’t take insurance, it would be no sweat financially. You’re kidding yourself if you think that kind of mental security isn’t priceless. It’s not all about flying first class and staying at the Ritz in Paris.

Not sure why you see the need to get mean about my post and call me insecure. Maybe you are right, but my post was not for those not-naive people. This forum appears to me to be chock full of people who have a really desperate attitude about money.

And of course money is important and can give you some security. But honestly- who cares? For many of us, we'll never "get rich" and it doesn't matter. If you have two working parents and good insurance, chances are really high that you will make it through a crisis ok. We have to save what we can and live our lives.

I’m being mean?? You’re mocking someone’s health problems?! If you think the security of wealth isn’t important, here’s a hint — don’t pursue it. If you think it’s fine that there are “high chances” that everything will be fine, great. Some people want to pursue true wealth to leave it behind for the next generation so that they aren’t relying on high chances + 2 working parents + good insurance. They can not work or their employer can quadruple insurance premiums and they’ll 100% guaranteed not have to make any financial choices or change their lifestyles one bit. If providing that kind of security is unappealing, don’t.

I wasn't mocking someone's health problems. And my point was that your attitude that "true wealth" is money, or will save you or the next generation, is kind of unhealthy. "True wealth" is spending less than what you make, and being healthy enough to make it through your day happy. Your employer can quadruple insurance premiums, or you could get hit by a bus, or your spouse could develop a gambling addiction and fritter all your money away. Shit happens to everyone and money isn't necessarily the answer. If you want tons of money, that's fine, more power to you. But it's not necessarily for your betterment or that of your children.

I was going with the economic/financial metrics of wealth given that you posted in the money forum. You seem to want to use some mental definition whereby if you make 50k and live on 45k and life is sailing along, that’s wealth. Alright then - you go pursue that and don’t worry about your rich cousins or DCUM posters taking a different approach. If the pursuit of wealth is so worthless, why even waste your time and attention on those pursuing it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get what you're saying, OP, and don't find anything wrong with your post.

+1

[Anonymous]

I grew up very close to my five cousins. One of them is a billionaire who has supported "luxe" lifestyles for his siblings and their families. (He subsidized their houses, vacations, summer camps, college educations). We couldn't keep up so we don't have much contact anymore but I'm starting to see evidence on Facebook that the children of these cousins are not living up to expectations. It seems unlikely the billionaire's own children will continue the level of support to which they're accustomed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get what you're saying, OP, and don't find anything wrong with your post.

+1

+2 and I think there are a lot of people who think their wealth protects them from the vagaries of life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get what you're saying, OP, and don't find anything wrong with your post.

+1

+2 and I think there are a lot of people who think their wealth protects them from the vagaries of life

Doesn't protect you but does keep you from having to worry about the monetary aspect of such vagaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up very close to my five cousins. One of them is a billionaire who has supported "luxe" lifestyles for his siblings and their families. (He subsidized their houses, vacations, summer camps, college educations). We couldn't keep up so we don't have much contact anymore but I'm starting to see evidence on Facebook that the children of these cousins are not living up to expectations. It seems unlikely the billionaire's own children will continue the level of support to which they're accustomed.

What's the evidence? Because if your evidence is the fact that their kids aren't graduating high school with honors, are going to no name colleges and taking 6 yrs to graduate, rest assured that billionaire dad can easily set them up with a business post-graduation that allows them to practically live off passive income.

[Anonymous]

Anyone who doesn't want or need their money can send some to me.

[Anonymous]

My 9 year dd asked if we were poor last night? I asked why? Dd gave me a list:

Our house is too small
She has to share a room with younger sister
We don't vacation in paris every winter break
I don't shop at whole Food
I don't drive a luxury car

This was my answer to dd:

Dh and I work for our money
We bought the house that we can afford
Sharing is caring
We like to travel all over the place,
Whole Food is over price
I like driving my Honda

Dd was traveling with her cousins for Thanksgiving....
She doesn't know my sister and her husband are broke.

[Anonymous]

My DH and I have a good deal of money, well into eight figures. When our kids were growing up we never lived to our incomes but we were comfortable. Our kids had to work for their allowances and there were no allowances in college or subsidies post college. They all have good careers, work hard and are making it on their own. We have set up 529 plans for their children and they know that there are trusts in place for them, but not until both my DH and I have passed which we hope will be a long time in coming. They will have very comfortable retirements but until then how they live is really up to them. We have provided bridge loans on mortgages which they pay back with interest and along with the 529 plans they know they are advantaged over many of their friends. It would be easy for us buy their homes or transfer a lot of money to them but we really believe that they need to be ambitious and work hard as we did. We never inherited anything substantial from our parents so we have made it on our won.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH and I have a good deal of money, well into eight figures. When our kids were growing up we never lived to our incomes but we were comfortable. Our kids had to work for their allowances and there were no allowances in college or subsidies post college. They all have good careers, work hard and are making it on their own. We have set up 529 plans for their children and they know that there are trusts in place for them, but not until both my DH and I have passed which we hope will be a long time in coming. They will have very comfortable retirements but until then how they live is really up to them. We have provided bridge loans on mortgages which they pay back with interest and along with the 529 plans they know they are advantaged over many of their friends. It would be easy for us buy their homes or transfer a lot of money to them but we really believe that they need to be ambitious and work hard as we did. We never inherited anything substantial from our parents so we have made it on our won.

This is great. It sounds like you did things right.

[Anonymous]

I don't personally know anyone with 20 million level wealth. I mean, well enough to know either way. Certainly not in my family.

The ones I know with low-level wealth--either 500k+ income or 3-5 million in assets--it's usually all spent and gone within 2 generations; often with pretty devastating changes in store for the 2nd generation, who didn't generate the income and never developed the skills to even come close.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:TL; DR: It's more important to give your children a good education and relationship skills than buckets of money. The marriage partner they choose will probably have a bigger impact on their quality of life as adults than almost anything else you do, and you have very little control over that. And help your crazy relatives because their children will appreciate it. I hope this makes someone feel better. YMMV.

Dear OP, this is not an either-or proposition. Assuming that I also focus on good education and relationship skills, adding in a bucket of money is better than without it.

This is the same age-old question of "does money buy happiness", and invariably, we all decide that what makes us happy is personal fulfillment and the relationships we have. But once again don't fall into the trap of thinking that this is a "this or that" decision. Think of a situation, add money to it, does the money make the situation better/easier? Does it make it worse?

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't get your post....what???

[Anonymous]

I have many friends and relatives with money of a quantity that is unbelievable - way more than what OP is discussing even. I'm not saying that it isn't helpful. In many ways, it obviously is. In the end, the necessities and more will be covered financially. But, I haven't seen that it makes life easier on the whole than those who have standard upper middle class money. In fact, in many ways, it makes it much harder. For instance, my upper middle class divorce is so much easier than my friend's ultra-rich divorce. In fact, I even have easier access to money during the process. I don't have the slightest bit of envy about it.