Locked Door - What would you do?

[Anonymous]

Obviously this parent has never disciplined the kid. Chalk it up to bad parenting again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The door comes off!

+1

+2

[Anonymous]

What purpose does taking the door off serve other than win the power play and display your dominance? I don't get it. And then you have a doorless room.

I get this is disrespectful but how will waiting an hour make any difference. Kids this age are disrespectful. Demanding perfect respect -- if you had that then why would you need to have this talk in the first place.

Taking the door off creates a secondary, huge, enormous issue which is going to dwarf the issue you came to talk about in the first place. How could you sit down to talk about, I don't know, a messy room, sneaking out of the house, when your parent had just basically gone on a temper tantrum of their own, completely invaded your privacy, and ruined any trust between you?

[Anonymous]

I had my door taken as a teen and had to earn it back.

[Anonymous]

Don't you have one of those little key things that enables you to pop the lock?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What purpose does taking the door off serve other than win the power play and display your dominance? I don't get it. And then you have a doorless room.

I get this is disrespectful but how will waiting an hour make any difference. Kids this age are disrespectful. Demanding perfect respect -- if you had that then why would you need to have this talk in the first place.

Taking the door off creates a secondary, huge, enormous issue which is going to dwarf the issue you came to talk about in the first place. How could you sit down to talk about, I don't know, a messy room, sneaking out of the house, when your parent had just basically gone on a temper tantrum of their own, completely invaded your privacy, and ruined any trust between you?

They’ll quickly get over the “huge, enormous issue” and realize any “power play” is all in their mind as you, the parent, are the one in charge, period.

[Anonymous]

I don't have a teen, but when my bothers and I were teens and our mom wanted to talk to one one of us (my brothers especially), she would stand outside their door and knock while saying "I am your mother, your life is my business, and I'm not going away until you talk to me".

It worked. She always got to have the conversation she wanted/needed to have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The door comes off!

Exactly. And it stays off for at least a week.

[Anonymous]

Tonight, your answers are limited.

If you pick the lock and walk in, I bet he won't engage in conversation anyway.

[Anonymous]

Take off the door.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parent wants to talk to DC (17 years old). DC locks bedroom door to keep parent out.

What would you do?

What do you want to talk about? What has lead to the teen locking the door? I would not take off the door because just because you have no door does not mean the teen will talk or listen. Once you have answered what you are talking about then I can give better advice.....

Is it a serious offense? Drinking and driving? Getting pregnant or getting a girl pregnant? Drug or alcohol abuse? Or is it bad grades, messy room?

[Anonymous]

Laugh, and remind the kid to talk to me sometime before [next thing he needs that requires any involvement from me]. Everyone has their limits & occasional times they just can't deal with people, but if I need to talk to someone about something that has to happen before I'll do anything else for the person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What purpose does taking the door off serve other than win the power play and display your dominance? I don't get it. And then you have a doorless room.

I get this is disrespectful but how will waiting an hour make any difference. Kids this age are disrespectful. Demanding perfect respect -- if you had that then why would you need to have this talk in the first place.

Taking the door off creates a secondary, huge, enormous issue which is going to dwarf the issue you came to talk about in the first place. How could you sit down to talk about, I don't know, a messy room, sneaking out of the house, when your parent had just basically gone on a temper tantrum of their own, completely invaded your privacy, and ruined any trust between you?

They’ll quickly get over the “huge, enormous issue” and realize any “power play” is all in their mind as you, the parent, are the one in charge, period.

For now teen in question is 17 my guess is soon to be 18 don't fool yourself into thinking they'll happily stick around just because you pay for everything.
You really don't want to parent by powerplays. You always lose in the end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tonight, your answers are limited.

If you pick the lock and walk in, I bet he won't engage in conversation anyway.

Exactly. All you've succeeded in is escalating the situation.

[Anonymous]

I've never found that it is really productive to do things like take the door off or force a kid to have a conversation they don't want to have on your timetable. What I would do is send a text advising that I wanted to talk and here are the specific things I want to discuss. When he is ready to come out of his room, come see me prepared to talk.