Help with Challenging Tween

[Anonymous]

Is it really neurobiology or the culture of individualism that drives t(w)eens to be rude? I notice that children in other cultures are much more respectful to their parents than here in the US, and I think it has to do with how children here are raised to be outspoken. So no surprises that parenting here is much harder than say in Asia.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it really neurobiology or the culture of individualism that drives t(w)eens to be rude? I notice that children in other cultures are much more respectful to their parents than here in the US, and I think it has to do with how children here are raised to be outspoken. So no surprises that parenting here is much harder than say in Asia.

The fear of parents and disappointing them in other cultures can be so strong that a child loses all self-will. I can't remember the name of the study that had authority figures telling pilots to take a course that would fly them into a mountain and the number of pilots who set the course rather than defy an authority figure.

You want kids who can and will think for themselves and stand by their beliefs - not robots.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it really neurobiology or the culture of individualism that drives t(w)eens to be rude? I notice that children in other cultures are much more respectful to their parents than here in the US, and I think it has to do with how children here are raised to be outspoken. So no surprises that parenting here is much harder than say in Asia.

The fear of parents and disappointing them in other cultures can be so strong that a child loses all self-will. I can't remember the name of the study that had authority figures telling pilots to take a course that would fly them into a mountain and the number of pilots who set the course rather than defy an authority figure.

You want kids who can and will think for themselves and stand by their beliefs - not robots.

Yes, I get that kids ought to think for themselves but that's totally different from being rude and disrespectful. What's the point in defying authority for the sake of defying authority? The OP's kid doesn't sound like a critical thinker to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it really neurobiology or the culture of individualism that drives t(w)eens to be rude? I notice that children in other cultures are much more respectful to their parents than here in the US, and I think it has to do with how children here are raised to be outspoken. So no surprises that parenting here is much harder than say in Asia.

The fear of parents and disappointing them in other cultures can be so strong that a child loses all self-will. I can't remember the name of the study that had authority figures telling pilots to take a course that would fly them into a mountain and the number of pilots who set the course rather than defy an authority figure.

You want kids who can and will think for themselves and stand by their beliefs - not robots.

Yes, I get that kids ought to think for themselves but that's totally different from being rude and disrespectful. What's the point in defying authority for the sake of defying authority? The OP's kid doesn't sound like a critical thinker to me.

DP. No, I don't think it is. If kids are raised to defer and obey, they'll be respectful, but they'll also have trouble thinking for themselves. If kids are raised to think for themselves, they'll think for themselves, but they'll also defy authority.

[Anonymous]

Learn about validation communication skills - at one point I was worried my teen had some BPD traits and after much googling I came to this technique.

Good news - she was just a teenager, no BPD.

Greater news - this works on anyone, and is a great mode of communication in conflict. It de-escalates virtually any situation- especially with teens.

Google how to use validation as a listening technique. It won't solve all your issues, but it's a game changer when communicating with teens.

[Anonymous]

19:09 here - also - read a lot of teen parenting books. One I thought was funny and useful was something along the lines of "Get out of my life but can you first drop me off at the mall"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it really neurobiology or the culture of individualism that drives t(w)eens to be rude? I notice that children in other cultures are much more respectful to their parents than here in the US, and I think it has to do with how children here are raised to be outspoken. So no surprises that parenting here is much harder than say in Asia.

Oh dear... it's NOT neurobiology. Parenting here is not harder - rather people choose to be slacker parents and then - deer in the headlights - the child doesn't listen to you or respect you. It's much harder in Asia, because they discipline kids from an early age consistently, for many years, it's a long slog and the kids end up not liking their parents at various stages of it. Here, they half-ass it because they feel bad disciplining a toddler and later try to be pals with their kids instead of parents, etc. etc. And then whine how much harder it is because you happen to be not in Asia?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it really neurobiology or the culture of individualism that drives t(w)eens to be rude? I notice that children in other cultures are much more respectful to their parents than here in the US, and I think it has to do with how children here are raised to be outspoken. So no surprises that parenting here is much harder than say in Asia.

The fear of parents and disappointing them in other cultures can be so strong that a child loses all self-will. I can't remember the name of the study that had authority figures telling pilots to take a course that would fly them into a mountain and the number of pilots who set the course rather than defy an authority figure.

You want kids who can and will think for themselves and stand by their beliefs - not robots.

Yes, I get that kids ought to think for themselves but that's totally different from being rude and disrespectful. What's the point in defying authority for the sake of defying authority? The OP's kid doesn't sound like a critical thinker to me.

DP. No, I don't think it is. If kids are raised to defer and obey, they'll be respectful, but they'll also have trouble thinking for themselves. If kids are raised to think for themselves, they'll think for themselves, but they'll also defy authority.

Yes, and if they suck at math that means they are creative, and if they are good at math that means someone suppressed their creativity. Stupid, cookie-cutter stereotypes to justify "whatever" style of parenting.