Leave or stay?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do think that if you once were connected emotionally and physically, you can rekindle it. That can be a goal of marital counseling. If it’s not effective then you can navigate how to coparent in different households.

OP: If that was the outcome, I would be happy with it. But feel wary that so much time has passed.

At this point, I would like another shot at happiness since I am already 40 and feel that 'time is running out'.

[Anonymous]

Can I buy you a drink?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do think that if you once were connected emotionally and physically, you can rekindle it. That can be a goal of marital counseling. If it’s not effective then you can navigate how to coparent in different households.

OP: If that was the outcome, I would be happy with it. But feel wary that so much time has passed.

At this point, I would like another shot at happiness since I am already 40 and feel that 'time is running out'.

It sounds like you want to leave and try your hand with your AP so you've convinced yourself that your marriage won't work.

[Anonymous]

Your emotional affair is completely clouding your judgment. You have to recognize that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your emotional affair is completely clouding your judgment. You have to recognize that.

I do, which is why I am asking how others resolved their situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your emotional affair is completely clouding your judgment. You have to recognize that.

I do, which is why I am asking how others resolved their situation.

Do you really? Because it seems like you want to be told it's no big deal, marriage counseling isn't really worth it and you should just leave your Dh and live happily ever after with your dream guy.

[Anonymous]

OP here - I was hoping to hear from folk with similar experiences to see what was the turning point for them.

[Anonymous]

You + your husband sound like the perfect candidates for marriage counseling.

I would at the very least give it a try & see where it goes.

Please keep us updated!

[Anonymous]

there doesn't seem to be any reason NOT to give marriage counseling a try. yes, a lot of time has passed, and yes you will have uncomfortable conversations. both of those seem to be reasons to try counseling, not to skip it and head straight to a divorce lawyer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No sex for the last 4 years since our daughter was born. DH is a great father and does a bulk of the childcare and housework all by himself. He has career frustrations. He used to be physically affectionate but his work worries went into high gear and there is very little touching. He has always been a teller. A lot of yelling when he is frustrated. We never had much sexual attraction, now it is non-existent. Married for 10 years, together for 15.

I am not entirely blameless. I had a rough time after childbirth, currently am contemplating a job change and stressed about it. I have a crush on my married coworker ( work with him only 2-3 times a month when necessary and otherwise avoid interacting with him). Guess I am emotionally cheating and realize it is because my needs are not being met.

I go through days when I wish things were better in my life and think of ways to fix things. Other days, I wish I had the courage to make a clean break and get a chance to start over with somebody else. Whenever I suggest a divorce, DH acts like I am crazy. I have considered marriage counseling but I think they will tell us to connect and have sex.

If you have been in a similar situation and managed to resolve it, do you have advice for me?

Unburden him here. God, I do all that, and can barely make it through the day (I work as well). I have to do almost everything in the family. I feel like the slave. No time to myself ever. If he's anything like me, sex will be the last thing he wants to do, too. Maybe he's overwhelmed.

[Anonymous]

Once you start having sex again, the relationship will improve. Go to counselling, set aside time to just do it a few times and see where it takes you. Worst case scenario, you end up divorced anyway.

Trust me, most married couples get into a rut. Maybe not 4 years, but lengthy ruts and the relationship crumbles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you make marriage vows? If so, let them guide you.

Do you just troll the relationship forum and make the same cliched post on every thread? It’s still not helpful advice, no matter how many times you post it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you make marriage vows? If so, let them guide you.

Do you just troll the relationship forum and make the same cliched post on every thread? It’s still not helpful advice, no matter how many times you post it.

This person doesn't seem to realize that if it were this simple, nobody would be in this forum.

[cba]

"At this point, I would like another shot at happiness since I am already 40 and feel that 'time is running out'."

Would you like to meet for a drink after work one day this week?

Carpe diem

[Anonymous]

cba wrote:"At this point, I would like another shot at happiness since I am already 40 and feel that 'time is running out'."

Would you like to meet for a drink after work one day this week?

Carpe diem

Perv