School application period - is your spouse engaged or absent?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why parents want/need to be so involved in applications once the child is old enough to go to college.
My parents did not help me with my applications. In fact my experience has been that if my child isn't engaged enough to handle things on their own (or at least mostly on their own) then they are not engaged enough to succeed anyway. first, I don't think it is helpful to the kids to carry them through life and second, it is exhausting.

+1. I applied for a private high school. My parents didn't help me at all, and I half-assed the application. Surprise, I didn't get in. I learned more from that experience than I would have if I had got in because my parents pushed the application process.

Same with college- I researched schools, applied, and paid for it (which meant applying to many scholarships) on my own. As a result I worked hard in college and did well. In contrast, my parents did everything for my younger sibling- filling out applications and paying tuition- who flunked most classes and got kicked out.

I've seen it extend into the workplace as well. I was a manager at a company that employed many people in their 20s and the level of parental involvement was crazy. Parents calling out sick for their adult children, following up on interviews, coming in angry to yell at us when their kid got fired, etc.

I'm convinced this is one of the driving forces behind the high rate of depression. How will you build any self esteem if you never do anything on your own? How will you learn to handle failure?

I'd hire you.

For private schools, I'd be very disappointed if my husband was not actively involved in the selection, fit and decision - not to mention parent interviews. Your kid is in elementary school and you are applying!

For college, there are many dads out there donating cases of wine or calling in favors or helping make lists for their kids. There are so many different schools, programs and reputations out there.

[Anonymous]

I (DW) am the absent parent in the K application process because I don’t want DC to go to the fancy private schools DH is applying to. I’m totally on top of the public/charter process where we live, though (not DC).

DH tells me when/where to show up for interviews.

[Anonymous]

Making a school list and visiting colleges is very different from completely applications.

The difference today is the MONEY!! You bet my DH and I have a say and an interest.

[Anonymous]

I’m another one where DH isn’t convinced about private high school. I asked if he wanted to drive the process for the applications and he said NO. That means I have to make sure dd is signed up for the testing and any prep, make sure she has sets aside time to write the essay, send in the info to the school for the brag sheet or anything else they request, schedule the shadow days etc.

He absolutely has to go on the open house to any school where she is thinking about applying, he is bringing her to all the shadow days so he will get the benefit of her impressions after the shadow day plus first hand of whatever parent meeting they have as part of those shadow days, I will ask him to proof her essays since he is the son of an English teacher and does a lot of writing in his job, and he gets input/veto into where she applies. What I don’t want is him hearing everything 3rd hand about how great xyz school would be for our daughter and not seeing any of it for himself or putting the decision entirely on me as though he didn’t have a say or not having any conversation with dd about her thoughts and impressions.

While it would be great if he also handled the logistics of the application process, he more than pulls his weight with the kids with other things. He drives a lot of the sports practice carpools, makes dinner, and coaches one of their sports for example.

[Anonymous]

I ran whole process. Wife didn't care. She would have been fine with garbage public schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I ran whole process. Wife didn't care. She would have been fine with garbage public schools.

DH, is that you?