Am I about to be told my kid has ADHD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thank you all, so much, for your comments!

To address a few things:

1 - yes, he's super social, lots of friends, invitations, etc. He definitely prefers active stuff to Legos etc and I'm sure some kids prefer other kids to him because of that, but he seems well-liked.

2 - I also thought she meant specialists like the gym and art teachers. Didn't occur to me that it might be the counselor etc until this thread.

I agree I'm jumping a bit to conclusions, but we were basically told last year that he's a handful at times but really it's normal for the age, etc. So this came a bit out of the blue.

The bar for behavior / academic work jumps significantly from K to 1st, and in my experience, again at 3rd or 4th. What is normal for 5 may be problematic at 6, etc.

Just hear her out with an open mind. You might also ask to come and observe the classroom for a couple hours to get a sense of how he's doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anecdotal story here but my son has the same profile as yours - sensory diagnosis, all of the things you said. Now he's a 16 year old boy who was diagnosed with ADHD at 11, medication has been a life saver for him.

How's he doing now? Just not sure what any of this might mean, or if his ability to be a 'perfect student' during sports etc is relevant. He's also doing very well on the spelling tests etc so I'm not sure about her comment about his work not reflecting his ability - he's never been good at comprehension (though he can read), but in K we were told that was age appropriate. Thanks for any thoughts! - OP

Here's the good news. My son is doing well in school, he has a ton of friends, he says he doesn't even remember what it's like to have anxiety, we are super close. In fact there is no bad news.

However, my standards for him doing well in school is not the norm for this area. I will be thrilled if he could get into a school like Indiana university which is a safety or less for his friends. He isn't a high achieving student though he works hard at it. He isn't a varsity athlete because while he loves sports, he's not so good at them. So without stereotyping the parents in this area too much, let's just say that he's lucky he got us for parents because we couldn't give a damn where he goes to school or his athletic ability. He's an artist, he may eat spaghettios his entire life, but he's happy and we are connected.

Btw his dad and I met at Penn and both of our families are ridiculous over achievers. it was much harder for my husband to come to grips with having a child that isn't a great student, it wasn't easy for him but he did come around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anecdotal story here but my son has the same profile as yours - sensory diagnosis, all of the things you said. Now he's a 16 year old boy who was diagnosed with ADHD at 11, medication has been a life saver for him.

How's he doing now? Just not sure what any of this might mean, or if his ability to be a 'perfect student' during sports etc is relevant. He's also doing very well on the spelling tests etc so I'm not sure about her comment about his work not reflecting his ability - he's never been good at comprehension (though he can read), but in K we were told that was age appropriate. Thanks for any thoughts! - OP

Here's the good news. My son is doing well in school, he has a ton of friends, he says he doesn't even remember what it's like to have anxiety, we are super close. In fact there is no bad news.

However, my standards for him doing well in school is not the norm for this area. I will be thrilled if he could get into a school like Indiana university which is a safety or less for his friends. He isn't a high achieving student though he works hard at it. He isn't a varsity athlete because while he loves sports, he's not so good at them. So without stereotyping the parents in this area too much, let's just say that he's lucky he got us for parents because we couldn't give a damn where he goes to school or his athletic ability. He's an artist, he may eat spaghettios his entire life, but he's happy and we are connected.

Btw his dad and I met at Penn and both of our families are ridiculous over achievers. it was much harder for my husband to come to grips with having a child that isn't a great student, it wasn't easy for him but he did come around.

Ha, this is OP and I went to Penn also

My son is an outstanding athlete. He's 6, so I know to take it with a grain, but he's definitely a standout and also never freaks out emotionally etc during sports. That said, I totally don't care where he goes to college as long as he's happy and does something he loves. Getting into Penn is impossible these days anyway - I'd never have gotten in

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anecdotal story here but my son has the same profile as yours - sensory diagnosis, all of the things you said. Now he's a 16 year old boy who was diagnosed with ADHD at 11, medication has been a life saver for him.

How's he doing now? Just not sure what any of this might mean, or if his ability to be a 'perfect student' during sports etc is relevant. He's also doing very well on the spelling tests etc so I'm not sure about her comment about his work not reflecting his ability - he's never been good at comprehension (though he can read), but in K we were told that was age appropriate. Thanks for any thoughts! - OP

Here's the good news. My son is doing well in school, he has a ton of friends, he says he doesn't even remember what it's like to have anxiety, we are super close. In fact there is no bad news.

However, my standards for him doing well in school is not the norm for this area. I will be thrilled if he could get into a school like Indiana university which is a safety or less for his friends. He isn't a high achieving student though he works hard at it. He isn't a varsity athlete because while he loves sports, he's not so good at them. So without stereotyping the parents in this area too much, let's just say that he's lucky he got us for parents because we couldn't give a damn where he goes to school or his athletic ability. He's an artist, he may eat spaghettios his entire life, but he's happy and we are connected.

Btw his dad and I met at Penn and both of our families are ridiculous over achievers. it was much harder for my husband to come to grips with having a child that isn't a great student, it wasn't easy for him but he did come around.

Ha, this is OP and I went to Penn also

My son is an outstanding athlete. He's 6, so I know to take it with a grain, but he's definitely a standout and also never freaks out emotionally etc during sports. That said, I totally don't care where he goes to college as long as he's happy and does something he loves. Getting into Penn is impossible these days anyway - I'd never have gotten in

It is very common for ADHD kids to have an amazing non-academic talent. Their ability to hyper focus comes in handy in some ways, drives us crazy in others. I totally hear you on Penn, getting into college is really challenging now but at the same time, the schools are doing so many exciting and innovative things. Good luck and keep us posted!

[Anonymous]

OP, if your kid is athletically gifted, I would put him in environment where he can manipulate his ability. I have a kid like that. By 2 he was supper coordinated, and by 5 we were getting complements from parents coaches when he played Saturday morning sports. My son is excellent in two sports. at 14 his coaches think it's a forgone conclusion that he will play D1 sport. They stop short of saying he will make to the professional level. With that being said, he is 'quirky' and sport has been his anchor, his safe place and something he knows his good at. He is a good student, but it is his sport that makes him get up in the morning. I am glad he has it as an outlet. At 14, he already know he will either play or do something related to his particular sport the rest of his life. You're lucky your kid has something he is already passionate about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anecdotal story here but my son has the same profile as yours - sensory diagnosis, all of the things you said. Now he's a 16 year old boy who was diagnosed with ADHD at 11, medication has been a life saver for him.

How's he doing now? Just not sure what any of this might mean, or if his ability to be a 'perfect student' during sports etc is relevant. He's also doing very well on the spelling tests etc so I'm not sure about her comment about his work not reflecting his ability - he's never been good at comprehension (though he can read), but in K we were told that was age appropriate. Thanks for any thoughts! - OP

We thought my son couldn't read or write. In second grade he started medication and on the first day we learned he could read above grade level with excellent comprehension and could write in full sentences. So just because you believe he isnt good at something doesnt make it true. Apparently the teacher sees things you don't.

BTW, not saying your son has ADHD or needs meds, just that ADHD can prevent your child from showing his true abilities.

[Anonymous]

OP, your son sounds a lot like mine, and yes, mine has ADHD. He was diagnosed in second grade, and two years later he's doing incredibly well. He's still the smart, funny, energetic, friendly, enthusiastic kid he always was, but now he also has the ability to direct all of those wonderful traits in a more constructive direction. He's much happier for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anecdotal story here but my son has the same profile as yours - sensory diagnosis, all of the things you said. Now he's a 16 year old boy who was diagnosed with ADHD at 11, medication has been a life saver for him.

How's he doing now? Just not sure what any of this might mean, or if his ability to be a 'perfect student' during sports etc is relevant. He's also doing very well on the spelling tests etc so I'm not sure about her comment about his work not reflecting his ability - he's never been good at comprehension (though he can read), but in K we were told that was age appropriate. Thanks for any thoughts! - OP

Here's the good news. My son is doing well in school, he has a ton of friends, he says he doesn't even remember what it's like to have anxiety, we are super close. In fact there is no bad news.

However, my standards for him doing well in school is not the norm for this area. I will be thrilled if he could get into a school like Indiana university which is a safety or less for his friends. He isn't a high achieving student though he works hard at it. He isn't a varsity athlete because while he loves sports, he's not so good at them. So without stereotyping the parents in this area too much, let's just say that he's lucky he got us for parents because we couldn't give a damn where he goes to school or his athletic ability. He's an artist, he may eat spaghettios his entire life, but he's happy and we are connected.

Btw his dad and I met at Penn and both of our families are ridiculous over achievers. it was much harder for my husband to come to grips with having a child that isn't a great student, it wasn't easy for him but he did come around.

Ha, this is OP and I went to Penn also

My son is an outstanding athlete. He's 6, so I know to take it with a grain, but he's definitely a standout and also never freaks out emotionally etc during sports. That said, I totally don't care where he goes to college as long as he's happy and does something he loves. Getting into Penn is impossible these days anyway - I'd never have gotten in

I wouldn’t despair just yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thank you all, so much, for your comments!

To address a few things:

1 - yes, he's super social, lots of friends, invitations, etc. He definitely prefers active stuff to Legos etc and I'm sure some kids prefer other kids to him because of that, but he seems well-liked.

2 - I also thought she meant specialists like the gym and art teachers. Didn't occur to me that it might be the counselor etc until this thread.

I agree I'm jumping a bit to conclusions, but we were basically told last year that he's a handful at times but really it's normal for the age, etc. So this came a bit out of the blue.

First grade/ second grade was where my DS's issues became more noticeable. His peers grew out of a lot of behaviors, but he did not- so what was typical for a kindergartner became less typical for an older child. *However* I think ADHD really needs a neuropsych diagnosis, which sets specific criterion for ADHD. Being active, disruptive, not listening well could be a lot of things, including a child who is immature and not ready to settle down to work. When I thought my DS had ADHD and we pursued a neuropsych, he had social issues, was highly distractible, not completing work, interrupting others, monopolizing conversations, highly impulsive, had difficulties regulating emotions, etc. and it was not "out of the blue." We had observed these behaviors at home for years but it showed up in school as atypical around the end of first grade.

[Anonymous]

"Before moving to a formal evaluation, I would see if the teacher is willing to try some classroom interventions/accommodations. Maybe a behavior contract or checklist to keep him on task. Each target goal should be presented in a positive way -- e.g., sat quietly without getting up during circle time, read X pages of book during quite reading, raised hand to be called on without shouting out, etc.
And then some reward is tied to him achieving his goals.

She also could use a timer to make sure he spends the appropriate amount of time on a particular task."

I definitely agree about talking to the teacher about what she is willing to do. (Would also add a break pass to the list, so he can move his body, plus more challenging work material.) Diagnosis or not, meds or not, these types of accommodations are reasonable and needed. It could be that he is gifted and just super bored in class, or something else. But with your note about sensory issues, and the teacher mentioning that he's bright, my guess is that the neuropsych will come out with ADHD + gifted. But 1st grade is a bit young for testing - not that it can't be done, but there is a greater likelihood that at age 6 you would just get provisional diagnosis and would have to re-do the testing in a few years to get something more concrete. So unless money is not an issue and he is unhappy, you may want to wait a year or two to do your own testing, and try to work with the school in the meanwhile on whatever testing they are willing to do and whatever accommodations they are willing to do. Of course, if they are unhelpful, then that may change your strategy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP, I don't think the school thinks this is typical kid stuff as it seems they have brought in specialists to observe him. I am assuming this is the School psychologist or guidance counselor.

I agree with the 2nd poster. They are probably at the point where they need your permission to evaluate him formally.

His teacher sounds great and she really put a lot of thought into letting you know it is the behavior and not your child that is problematic. Seems like she will be a great asset as you partner to figure out if your child needs additional support.

+1. I would be glad they are reaching, instead of sending home "complaint" reports or sending him to the office (this happened to my ADHD DS a lot in the K-1 years)

[Anonymous]

OP here - thank you all, truly, so much for your thoughts. We met with the teacher this morning. She claims he is testing below his ability because of his tendency to rush and is trying to get ahead of that (as well as work with us on the behavior that is disrupting the rest of the class). She said he’s generally ok when she is teaching, but when they split off into independent work especially (vs group) he does things like get a tissue, go ask another kid if he’s playing soccer at recess, get a drink of water, etc.

She didn’t mention evaluation etc. She did say we need to get ahead of the behavior so he’s not hindered by it. She suggested we sit down with him and ask him what he does well in school and what he struggles with. She wants us to direct him to say “blurting” (talking out of turn, interrupting etc) and to focus on that with him initially - tell him we are working with her on it (he’s a people-pleaser) and that we want to get the number of times he does it down (and that we are keeping track).

She also wanted to confirm he has chores / a schedule at home, which we confirmed he does. She also wants us to give him quiet, unstructured time at hone so he can just “turn off” a bit. I kind of feel like he’s on probation and we shall see what happens, but I’m hopeful. You have all been so kind- thank you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your son sounds a lot like mine, and yes, mine has ADHD. He was diagnosed in second grade, and two years later he's doing incredibly well. He's still the smart, funny, energetic, friendly, enthusiastic kid he always was, but now he also has the ability to direct all of those wonderful traits in a more constructive direction. He's much happier for it.

Op here - thanks for this. It made my day!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thank you all, truly, so much for your thoughts. We met with the teacher this morning. She claims he is testing below his ability because of his tendency to rush and is trying to get ahead of that (as well as work with us on the behavior that is disrupting the rest of the class). She said he’s generally ok when she is teaching, but when they split off into independent work especially (vs group) he does things like get a tissue, go ask another kid if he’s playing soccer at recess, get a drink of water, etc.

She didn’t mention evaluation etc. She did say we need to get ahead of the behavior so he’s not hindered by it. She suggested we sit down with him and ask him what he does well in school and what he struggles with. She wants us to direct him to say “blurting” (talking out of turn, interrupting etc) and to focus on that with him initially - tell him we are working with her on it (he’s a people-pleaser) and that we want to get the number of times he does it down (and that we are keeping track).

She also wanted to confirm he has chores / a schedule at home, which we confirmed he does. She also wants us to give him quiet, unstructured time at hone so he can just “turn off” a bit. I kind of feel like he’s on probation and we shall see what happens, but I’m hopeful. You have all been so kind- thank you!

OP - I'd try to flip this into a positive incentive system.

Rather than tracking how many times he blurts something out, track how many times he waits until being called on.

It's a subtle difference but using a positive approach will probably work better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anecdotal story here but my son has the same profile as yours - sensory diagnosis, all of the things you said. Now he's a 16 year old boy who was diagnosed with ADHD at 11, medication has been a life saver for him.

How's he doing now? Just not sure what any of this might mean, or if his ability to be a 'perfect student' during sports etc is relevant. He's also doing very well on the spelling tests etc so I'm not sure about her comment about his work not reflecting his ability - he's never been good at comprehension (though he can read), but in K we were told that was age appropriate. Thanks for any thoughts! - OP

Here's the good news. My son is doing well in school, he has a ton of friends, he says he doesn't even remember what it's like to have anxiety, we are super close. In fact there is no bad news.

However, my standards for him doing well in school is not the norm for this area. I will be thrilled if he could get into a school like Indiana university which is a safety or less for his friends. He isn't a high achieving student though he works hard at it. He isn't a varsity athlete because while he loves sports, he's not so good at them. So without stereotyping the parents in this area too much, let's just say that he's lucky he got us for parents because we couldn't give a damn where he goes to school or his athletic ability. He's an artist, he may eat spaghettios his entire life, but he's happy and we are connected.

Btw his dad and I met at Penn and both of our families are ridiculous over achievers. it was much harder for my husband to come to grips with having a child that isn't a great student, it wasn't easy for him but he did come around.

Ha, this is OP and I went to Penn also

My son is an outstanding athlete. He's 6, so I know to take it with a grain, but he's definitely a standout and also never freaks out emotionally etc during sports. That said, I totally don't care where he goes to college as long as he's happy and does something he loves. Getting into Penn is impossible these days anyway - I'd never have gotten in

It is very common for ADHD kids to have an amazing non-academic talent. Their ability to hyper focus comes in handy in some ways, drives us crazy in others. I totally hear you on Penn, getting into college is really challenging now but at the same time, the schools are doing so many exciting and innovative things. Good luck and keep us posted!

This is me and both my kids. Both turned out to be scholars, partly because of their ability to hyper focus. I'm a successful retired newspaper journalist. All of us are ADD (without hyperactivity).