If you want to spend less on family for Christmas

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same boat. Parents spend $500 on each of us and expect $500 spent on each of them. It's not in the budget. DH and I have trouble accepting these gifts from them and only giving them $50 gifts.

Wow. I'm being nosy -- it sounds like they have they ability to buy whatever they'd like, so why do they expect others to buy them costly gifts?

Although gift-giving is one of the five languages of love, so not particularly unusual, I guess.

Well DH and I just don't feel right receiving so much and then giving them $25-50 gifts. We're on a presents arms race (like a nuclear arms race) and it's gotten pricier every year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you need to inform them?

Long story short, we’ve had a lot of unexpected expenses this past summer and our savings took a big hit. My parents recently retired and are completely on board to not do gifts, though we are doing a $10 Secret Santa. My ILs on the other hand have grown accustomed to lavish Christmas with expensive gifts. My MIL has been dating for years but recently married. We typically spend about $200 on her and $100 on her boyfriend, but now we’d like to get one together gift for them and spend around $100 total. I don’t even want to spend that, but $100 is all I’m willing to spend. She usually spend the same amount on us (around $150 each.)

Do we hint that we’d like to just drop gifts this year? Hint at a Secret Santa? Or just explain that we’d like to spend less?

Stop worrying so much. Get them something that you think they would like to have, not something that costs X number of dollars. Wrap, send, done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you need to inform them?

Long story short, we’ve had a lot of unexpected expenses this past summer and our savings took a big hit. My parents recently retired and are completely on board to not do gifts, though we are doing a $10 Secret Santa. My ILs on the other hand have grown accustomed to lavish Christmas with expensive gifts. My MIL has been dating for years but recently married. We typically spend about $200 on her and $100 on her boyfriend, but now we’d like to get one together gift for them and spend around $100 total. I don’t even want to spend that, but $100 is all I’m willing to spend. She usually spend the same amount on us (around $150 each.)

Do we hint that we’d like to just drop gifts this year? Hint at a Secret Santa? Or just explain that we’d like to spend less?

I don't think you hint. I think you say directly and frankly.

Most people at this stage in their lives agree to gift each other's kids but not the other adults.

[Anonymous]

I agree that it's more awkward if only one family has kids, but we have agreed to give presents to the children and forego presents for adults (we could never think of anything we needed anyway, so it had devolved into a gift card exchange, which seemed dumb). I have a relative who has older kids, and they always send a present to my dc, so I usually just send a food package with festive snacks a week or so before Christmas.

[Anonymous]

Just say that you need to cut back on expenses because of your own financial difficulties and that you have set a limit for each gift that you will give. This explains your change in behavior but doesn't force everyone else to do what you're doing if they enjoy things as they are. Yes this will mean that you will lose face but it is a fact of your life so man- or woman-up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same boat. Parents spend $500 on each of us and expect $500 spent on each of them. It's not in the budget. DH and I have trouble accepting these gifts from them and only giving them $50 gifts.

Wow. I'm being nosy -- it sounds like they have they ability to buy whatever they'd like, so why do they expect others to buy them costly gifts?

Although gift-giving is one of the five languages of love, so not particularly unusual, I guess.

Well DH and I just don't feel right receiving so much and then giving them $25-50 gifts. We're on a presents arms race (like a nuclear arms race) and it's gotten pricier every year.

It's the thought that counts. I like flowers or seasonal arrangements and would prefer that to a $500+ gift. https://www.llbean.com/llb/shop/119145?feat=509902-GN1&page=birch-box-centerpiece&csp=f

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree that it's more awkward if only one family has kids, but we have agreed to give presents to the children and forego presents for adults (we could never think of anything we needed anyway, so it had devolved into a gift card exchange, which seemed dumb). I have a relative who has older kids, and they always send a present to my dc, so I usually just send a food package with festive snacks a week or so before Christmas.

When my children were small [even pre-K] they loved getting food gift baskets.