Beauty is not on the inside

[Anonymous]

Hollybear wrote:It's pretty hard when you're in high school and you're bullied by boys and girls alike because you look "ugly". I have no confidence left, no matter how much you tell me that beauty is on the inside. It's not!! In reality, people will judge you for how you look, not for what you really are.

I don't blame other students for wanting to kill themselves. High school is full of mean people who think they're better than you.

Find one or two people to hang out with to bear out high school. Focus on some achievements you can set targets for yourself and to the best of your ability, try to look past the judgments.

[Anonymous]

Hello OP. I know people keep saying this, but it is true. It gets better after HS. I was a nobody in HS and painfully shy and awkward. I had one friend. There was a group if popular girls that decided they hated me and made my life impossible. They would whisper man things to me in passing and write evil notes and pass them to me. They called me ugly, hideous, etc. I believed them. I thought I was the ugliest girl in the school. I was sad and lonely and would look in the mirror and see an ugly girl. In college I made so many friends. It took a long time to get my confidence back and realize that I wasn't ugly after all. I wasn't the most beautiful girl, but I dated two fantastic guys in college, one of them very handsome. I graduated from college a different person. I am married and have a beautiful family and a great job. I know it is hard to look past the present, but you have your whole life yet to live. HS is only 4 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Hollybear wrote:It's pretty hard when you're in high school and you're bullied by boys and girls alike because you look "ugly". I have no confidence left, no matter how much you tell me that beauty is on the inside. It's not!! In reality, people will judge you for how you look, not for what you really are.

I don't blame other students for wanting to kill themselves. High school is full of mean people who think they're better than you.

Find one or two people to hang out with to bear out high school. Focus on some achievements you can set targets for yourself and to the best of your ability, try to look past the judgments.

+1

When you graduate HS, those girls will be no body to you - so will anyone who acts like them (there are a few in life - step right over them).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Hollybear wrote:It's pretty hard when you're in high school and you're bullied by boys and girls alike because you look "ugly". I have no confidence left, no matter how much you tell me that beauty is on the inside. It's not!! In reality, people will judge you for how you look, not for what you really are.

I don't blame other students for wanting to kill themselves. High school is full of mean people who think they're better than you.

Look at this from a different angle. Don't believe people who tell you that you are still beautiful just the way you are, etc. No. I don't know what you look like but surely we can all agree that beauty is a scale, and some people will be more beautiful than others and some will be less. You won't be upset, for instance, to hear that some people have musical ears and some do not, and only very few are destined to become performing pianists. Think of beauty as a talent that you, at this point of your life, do not have.

But so what? Look at the Forbes 500 list. Look at the media. Look at bestselling authors. Look at whatever people who are top achievers in whatever field you value. Look at the wives of powerful men if everything else fails. Go to the courthouse and stand by the window handing out marriage licenses for a day. You'll see all kinds of people getting married, and you'll see all kinds of people achieving top scores in life - professionally, financially, fame wise, whatever. Beauty helps in life, but homely looks do not prevent you from succeeding. Not at all. You can still become academically and professionally successful, rich, famous, whatever you value. Beauty doesn't buy all that. If you think about it, beautiful girls WITHOUT everything else are so infinitely replaceable. Success is not about beauty.

Incidentally, that's not an excuse to neglect your grooming and body. Great hair, teeth, skin and figure are very squarely under your control. Take care of this and you're halfway there. Add stylish clothes and you're way ahead of the game.

Um, no. Good figure isn't "squarely under" anyone's control, this is something you need to born with (you can lose weight, somewhat, but the proportions of your body will remain the same throughout your entire life). Ditto for great hair, whatever you mean by it -- there are different textures and your hair texture remains consistent, except for rare cases of chemotherapy patients, but we don't wish it on anybody. Teeth and skin - I'll give you that, problem teeth and skin can be fixed, to a certain degree.

But you're right, PP, that looks don't matter as much as high school kids ten to think. Thirty years down the road, the former high school beauty queens aren't nearly the most successful, fulfilled and happiest of the bunch, but one needs life experience in order to see that. Hang in there, OP, I assure you it will get better!

[Anonymous]

OP , honestly even for those who don't have a horrible HS experience, its not an easy age and growing up is hard sometimes. I was a solid "middle of the pack" kind of kid in HS, from the outside I was pretty happy and most of the time I was but I was also RIFE with insecurity that I would never let anyone see, because that was worse than the insecurity for me!

I promise very few people are having the time of their lives. Its not easy with social media at your age, everything is in your face all the time, there is no breathing room it seems. Try to remember there is a huge whole world who doesn't care about the mean kids at your school, when they try to convince you that no one cares about you. Its a big place, find your tribe, they don't get to dictate who is important. In the end we are all important , and in some ways none of us are.

[Anonymous]

OP these people are losers ! I promise you will graduate high school and you will never look back at all of those idiots. I didn't even bother to recently go to my 20-year class reunion and I can guarantee you that I'm more successful than 95% of those dodo birds.

[Hollybear]

Thank y'all for your encouraging comments. I appreciate all of you for taking time to respond to my agony. I talked to the school's counselor about my current situation. He suggested that I should try to look for someone out from school that can help me figure out why I feel empty. It's just tough to really just forget what my bad experiences made me feel. I hope I could find someone who can help me.

[Anonymous]

OP, I too had a pretty terrible time on high school. My parents took me to a therapist and at first I thought it was a dumb idea but it really helped me, so much so that I've gone to therapy at a few different times in my adult life as well.
What everyone else has said is true. It gets so much better after high school. Life is long, high school is a very small part of it. Of course looks aren't everything but a lot of people become much more attractive and confident after high school.

Hang in there. And see if you can find some other misfit kids to hang out with. Drama club or a community service organization are great places to meet friend. Or another activity outside of school.

[Anonymous]

Start with the easier ones and "keep building".

https://www.kimscravings.com/5-habits-of-happy-people/

http://www.hungryforchange.tv/article/22-habits-of-happy-people

[Anonymous]

I was pretty and popular in HS - but I was also pretty miserable. I was insecure and made a lot of bad decisions. As an adult, I am no longer "pretty on the outside" (at all - I'm overweight and just not very attractive), but I have a hell of a lot more confidence now and a great life. OP, if you are a HSer, please know that all that HS nonsense is complete BS and life after HS is immeasurably better. Focus on yourself, set your goals, and ignore all that interference! <3

[Anonymous]

OP, you might get a kick out of some of these photos. Take a look at Alison Brie for instance.

https://www.maxim.com/entertainment/colbert-celebrities-puberty-photos-2017-9

[Anonymous]

Hollybear wrote:Thank y'all for your encouraging comments. I appreciate all of you for taking time to respond to my agony. I talked to the school's counselor about my current situation. He suggested that I should try to look for someone out from school that can help me figure out why I feel empty. It's just tough to really just forget what my bad experiences made me feel. I hope I could find someone who can help me.

Good for you talking to the counselor and asking for help! Everyone needs help sometimes. Most everyone is faking that they have their act together, even the grown ups! Did your counselor give you names? Did you talk to your parents? Even if he doesn't help you, keep asking - you are worth it!