Help me feel less guilty about filing for child support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH And I have been separated for about 5 months now. We had a verbal agreement on child support for our 2 kids but he has been very inconsistent. Some months he gives me less some months nothing at all. Lately I have been struggling financially and basically living paycheck to paycheck. So I filled for child support. I'm pretty sure he will be so upset when he gets the court hearing. I'm also pretty sure he will make me feel bad about it. How do I feel less guilty.

This is an about child support. This is about your self-esteem and self-worth issues. You need to get some therapy so you can be an effective advocate for yourself and for your kids without being so easily manipulated by your selfish husband.

[Anonymous]

Girl. I filed the week after we separated. Kids are expensive and I'll be damned if I'm going to trust what my ex commits to (although in my case he has been consistent, he's just not giving enough). This isn't about you and your ex, this is about your kids.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand people who do child support outside of the court. Maybe I am just not a trusting person but this is something important enough that it has to be on paper and enforceable. I filed a month after we separated and never felt guilty about it. Guilt is a wasted emotion IMO. You kids deserve the support of both parents whether or not you are together or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand people who do child support outside of the court. Maybe I am just not a trusting person but this is something important enough that it has to be on paper and enforceable. I filed a month after we separated and never felt guilty about it. Guilt is a wasted emotion IMO. You kids deserve the support of both parents whether or not you are together or not.

Written child support agreements are generally enforceable regardless of whether they are incorporated into a court. The reason to do it outside of court is if you and your spouse want to include things above and beyond the guidelines such as activities, college, etc.

[Anonymous]

Typo: should say regardless of whether incorporated into a court order.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand people who do child support outside of the court. Maybe I am just not a trusting person but this is something important enough that it has to be on paper and enforceable. I filed a month after we separated and never felt guilty about it. Guilt is a wasted emotion IMO. You kids deserve the support of both parents whether or not you are together or not.

Written child support agreements are generally enforceable regardless of whether they are incorporated into a court. The reason to do it outside of court is if you and your spouse want to include things above and beyond the guidelines such as activities, college, etc.

You can agree to things above the guidelines in court too - which is what we've done. I would never trust it to be enforceable unless it was a court order.

OP - make sure you ask that it be garnished. I know too many single moms who don't receive support regularly.

[Anonymous]

NEVER EVER FEEL GUILTY FOR ASKING FOR CHILD SUPPORT! It's not SPOUSE support...it's for the well-being of your child! Please do it and remember who you're doing it for!

[Anonymous]

Once you file for support he might file for custody. Be careful what you wish for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NEVER EVER FEEL GUILTY FOR ASKING FOR CHILD SUPPORT! It's not SPOUSE support...it's for the well-being of your child! Please do it and remember who you're doing it for!

I forgot to add "FILE and GET COURT ORDER"! For those of us who have a foreign ex-partner living abroad, court orders are enforceable via The Hague Convention. FYI.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm genuinely curious why you would feel guilty about getting support to raise your child, especially after he has failed to live up to what he promised? Maybe if you explain your feelings on that we can help you more specifically.

[Anonymous]

What an amazing and insightful response.

Anonymous wrote:Your children are entitled to be supported by their Dad. If he is angry that you filed, that is really his problem - he is choosing to see it as a negative and he is choosing to get angry about it. His emotions are not your problem to manage.

Frankly, if you are afraid he will get angry, I think you should examine and deal with whether any emotional abuse was present in the relationship and, if so, get some help to recover from that. Visit loveisrespect.org to assess. Feeling guilty about filing for child support indicates you have some real difficulting setting appropriate boundaries - his actions have consequences, his mood is not sethimg you have to subject yourself to or manage for him.

[Anonymous]

Don't feel guilty. DS was 18 months old and in daycare when we separated, I was in grad school making peanuts. We had child support in place before we filed for divorce 6 months later. As others have pointed out, it's for your kids. Have it garnished from his paycheck so he can't just pay less.

[Anonymous]

This is for your kids Op
Get over yourself
Get over "not wanting to FEEL bad!"

Do the right thing. Lawyer up. Like yesterday.

[Anonymous]

Does he feel guilty not paying you anything some months? He should feel bad. Not you.

[Anonymous]

It’s the children’s money; it’s for their well-being. Nothing to feel guilty about!