Keep reaching out to estranged brother?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ don't involve his children (cards, checks). You are over-stepping your bounds.

Not the OP, but I was godparent to an estranged sibling's child. I sent him a check for his high school graduation, and you would have thought that I had sent a bomb to the house. Over-stepping my bounds? Ridiculous. It's not the kid's fault his parent is such an ass. BTW - the check was never cashed. I suspect the card never made it to the kid.

Op here. I always wonder if someday my nieces and nephews will find out about me and ask why I wasn't interested in them. I know this may never happen, but if it does I'd like it to be true that I was interested and I did try.

Nobody in my family acknowledged the birth of my child and i was so hurt. If they had sent gifts it would not have magically fixed everything but it would have meant a lot to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who cut off a sibling, please stop reaching out to him. My brother doesn't respect that I want nothing to do with him. Every so often, he'll pop back into my life with an e-mail or text. It's infuriating, to be honest. And I also make it a point to ignore anything from him. Responding would only encourage him to keep contacting me.

Regardless if your brother's reasons for cutting communication were legitimate, they are still his reasons. He doesn't want a relationship with you. Yes, that hurts. But it is his decision. If and when he wants to reconnect, he will be the one to initiate. You can't force it.

It's "infuriating" that a relative wants to reconcile? Please explain what's so horrible about that? Your response sounds so much like a situation in my family that I would swear you were my sister. Please help me understand.

NP it's infuriating because you are not respecting the wishes of your relative. YOU may wish to reconcile but your relative does not. She wants to forget about you and move on - yet, you keep popping up like a bad penny, always reminding her of what she'd like to forget. That you do not understand why it would be infuriating is part of the problem. You only look at it from your point of you and not your relative's. The more you keep trying to force the relationship, the more you sustain her anger and reinforce her belief she made the right decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who cut off a sibling, please stop reaching out to him. My brother doesn't respect that I want nothing to do with him. Every so often, he'll pop back into my life with an e-mail or text. It's infuriating, to be honest. And I also make it a point to ignore anything from him. Responding would only encourage him to keep contacting me.

Regardless if your brother's reasons for cutting communication were legitimate, they are still his reasons. He doesn't want a relationship with you. Yes, that hurts. But it is his decision. If and when he wants to reconnect, he will be the one to initiate. You can't force it.

It's "infuriating" that a relative wants to reconcile? Please explain what's so horrible about that? Your response sounds so much like a situation in my family that I would swear you were my sister. Please help me understand.

I cut my brother off because he did some morally awful things and refuses to take responsibility for them. He hurt me and people I care deeply about because he's, well, a selfish prick. And so I told him our relationship is over, end of discussion, and not to contact me. That he persists in contacting me is just him continuing to think he can run roughshod over others, their feelings be damned, because it is what he wants to do. So, yes, it's infuriating.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you should just stop, and not continue to reach out tho your mom or brother

[Anonymous]

to*

[Anonymous]

You made your choice I suggest you bond with your father's wife/gf son and get yourself a new sibling

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ don't involve his children (cards, checks). You are over-stepping your bounds.

Not the OP, but I was godparent to an estranged sibling's child. I sent him a check for his high school graduation, and you would have thought that I had sent a bomb to the house. Over-stepping my bounds? Ridiculous. It's not the kid's fault his parent is such an ass. BTW - the check was never cashed. I suspect the card never made it to the kid.

Op here. I always wonder if someday my nieces and nephews will find out about me and ask why I wasn't interested in them. I know this may never happen, but if it does I'd like it to be true that I was interested and I did try.

Nobody in my family acknowledged the birth of my child and i was so hurt. If they had sent gifts it would not have magically fixed everything but it would have meant a lot to me.

Even your daddy who you bent over backwards to include in your wedding didn't acknowledge your child? Was he too busy with his new girlfriend?

[Anonymous]

1. Seems you picked a side. you can't have it both ways.

2. It's not possible to reconcile without true acknowledgement and repentance of wrongs done, if the other party is willing. Sending cards and money just adds insult to injury and deepens the rift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My brother cut off all contact with me a few days before my wedding 3 years ago because my mom convinced him I had banned her from attending (I didn't-she chose not to attend because I invited my father. They are divorced. He cheated and she hates him). Brother took mom's side and she convinced him not to go out of loyalty to her.

All because of a wedding? Wow.

I've attended similar weddings -- where divorced parents hate each other -- but everyone seemed to hold it together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. Seems you picked a side. you can't have it both ways.

2. It's not possible to reconcile without true acknowledgement and repentance of wrongs done, if the other party is willing. Sending cards and money just adds insult to injury and deepens the rift.

Go read OP's original post.

OP did not take a side. OP invited both parents; mom chose to throw a tantrum and chose not to attend. OP did not ban mom bot also did not van dad to keep mommy happy. Fault there is mom's, not OP's or dad's. No side chosen other than mom choosing her anger.

OP wrote brother and DID acknowledge "wrongs done" even though OP did not ban mom and it's brother who ghosted OP, not the other way around.

Read OP's posts and stop projecting whatever your own issues are onto OP.

[Anonymous]

OP: I am in a very similar situation as you are. It hurts...a lot. Being "misrepresented" by such a powerful influence like your mother is hard to wrap your mind around.
I would focus on your brothers child. Send cards or little gifts for special occasions. Even if this child is very young. With a thoughtful note...."was thinking of you". It sounds like you are sincere and who doesn't love someone who adores their child? Don't let your mother define who you are.
Whatever....make a plan and follow it through....expect nothing....and try not to focus on it. I have found that therapy made it worse.