Therapists experienced with "Failure to Launch" or Adult Entitled Dependence (AED)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see why some are responding that way - but I'm not a psychologist or therapist, and while researching this topic I've found that some researchers call this "AED" while others call it "boomerang kids," or "failure to launch." I'm not sure of the true clinical categorization. If anyone is so inclined, they can look up the work of Dr. Eli Lebowitz of Yale University - he may have coined AED, not sure.

But if it's affluent people it's a disorder. If you're poor, it's just terrible parenting.

[Anonymous]

Hilarious? Not if you're affected by it.

Check out this link http://therapyevanston.com/2012/09/failure-to-launch/, which reads in part:

Low functioning grown children who are highly dependent on their parents are a growing phenomenon in many parts of the world. In Japan they are called “Hikikomori”, in Italy “Bamboccioni,” in Germany and France “Tanguy Syndrome”, and in England “NEET” (not in employment, education, or training) or “Kippers” (kids in parents pockets eroding retirement savings). In Canada, they are called “Boomerang Children”, in Austria “Mamma”s Hotel Children,” and in South Korea, they are known as “Kangurus.” In the Unites States, we call it the “Full Nest Syndrome” and “ILYA” (incompletely launched young adult).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hilarious? Not if you're affected by it.

Check out this link http://therapyevanston.com/2012/09/failure-to-launch/, which reads in part:

Low functioning grown children who are highly dependent on their parents are a growing phenomenon in many parts of the world. In Japan they are called “Hikikomori”, in Italy “Bamboccioni,” in Germany and France “Tanguy Syndrome”, and in England “NEET” (not in employment, education, or training) or “Kippers” (kids in parents pockets eroding retirement savings). In Canada, they are called “Boomerang Children”, in Austria “Mamma”s Hotel Children,” and in South Korea, they are known as “Kangurus.” In the Unites States, we call it the “Full Nest Syndrome” and “ILYA” (incompletely launched young adult).

Dead link. Also it is just shitty parenting, not a disorder.

[Anonymous]

What age?

I know a group for kids (adults since they are over 18) with LDs that can't handle the original college they chose and they help them get through college in a more non traditional manner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see why some are responding that way - but I'm not a psychologist or therapist, and while researching this topic I've found that some researchers call this "AED" while others call it "boomerang kids," or "failure to launch." I'm not sure of the true clinical categorization. If anyone is so inclined, they can look up the work of Dr. Eli Lebowitz of Yale University - he may have coined AED, not sure.

But if it's affluent people it's a disorder. If you're poor, it's just terrible parenting.

I never raised the issue of affluence. This could be a poor, middle-income, or a wealthy family's problem. In each case shitty parenting is involved. I don't care what you call it -- just looking for resources, that's all...

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure why posters are giving you a hard time about this. Many people find themselves in these situations for whatever reason. I'm not sure why a regular family therapist wouldn't be the way to go here. If your sister is not willing to go see a therapist, perhaps you could go on your own or with other family members to get some help with how to deal with situation fairly for all. No easy answers I'm sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see why some are responding that way - but I'm not a psychologist or therapist, and while researching this topic I've found that some researchers call this "AED" while others call it "boomerang kids," or "failure to launch." I'm not sure of the true clinical categorization. If anyone is so inclined, they can look up the work of Dr. Eli Lebowitz of Yale University - he may have coined AED, not sure.

But if it's affluent people it's a disorder. If you're poor, it's just terrible parenting.

I never raised the issue of affluence. This could be a poor, middle-income, or a wealthy family's problem. In each case shitty parenting is involved. I don't care what you call it -- just looking for resources, that's all...

I think any practicing family psychologist can address it because it is a dysfunction of the teenage years and parents who are controlling. Seems like basic psychology.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is my 45-year-old sister who still lives in our parents' house. Mom died a couple of months ago and I think we should sell the house, but I have no idea how to get my sister out of there. If you have a kid like this, please don't be like my parents and enable the behavior.

Take the proceeds from the home sale and she uses her share to buy a studio apartment. She doesn't need a big house to herself.

Let me guess: you're on the hook to pay half the property taxes and maintenance of the house?

[Anonymous]

You might be right 12:23. I'll keep looking. (I was unsuccessful in the past because a few therapists I talked to said, we can't help your family situation if the person that needs therapy -- my sibling --won't seek out that help).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. This is an extremely embarrassing and humiliating problem. I see why some think it's funny. Vast majority of young adults move on to independence but some can't do it because of a toxic combination of poor parenting + unaddressed psychological issues. It's what 11:49 said.

Well, if it were sufficiently "embarrassing and humiliating," these people would get off of their asses and do something about it. Or the parents would kick them out. So no, I don't think this is at all true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hilarious? Not if you're affected by it.

Check out this link http://therapyevanston.com/2012/09/failure-to-launch/, which reads in part:

Low functioning grown children who are highly dependent on their parents are a growing phenomenon in many parts of the world. In Japan they are called “Hikikomori”, in Italy “Bamboccioni,” in Germany and France “Tanguy Syndrome”, and in England “NEET” (not in employment, education, or training) or “Kippers” (kids in parents pockets eroding retirement savings). In Canada, they are called “Boomerang Children”, in Austria “Mamma”s Hotel Children,” and in South Korea, they are known as “Kangurus.” In the Unites States, we call it the “Full Nest Syndrome” and “ILYA” (incompletely launched young adult).

I have another term for them: Pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is my 45-year-old sister who still lives in our parents' house. Mom died a couple of months ago and I think we should sell the house, but I have no idea how to get my sister out of there. If you have a kid like this, please don't be like my parents and enable the behavior.

"Sis, house is for sale as of November 1. You can buy me out of my share, or the sign goes up that day. Your call."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. This is an extremely embarrassing and humiliating problem. I see why some think it's funny. Vast majority of young adults move on to independence but some can't do it because of a toxic combination of poor parenting + unaddressed psychological issues. It's what 11:49 said.

I think people think it's a joke because of the AED in the title. You are medicalizing poor parenting affecting the affluent, instead of calling it "crappy parenting" which is what poor/low income parents face.

I don't think this just affects the affluent. I definitely know people who are MC or LMC than unhealthily support their adult non-functioning children. Remember this story?
http://www.denverpost.com/2017/04/02/rural-americans-disability-jobs-disappear/

The questionably disabled parents support their non-working son and his non-working girlfriend on 2 disability checks per month. The girlfriend goes through 24 cans of Mountain Dew per day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hilarious? Not if you're affected by it.

Check out this link http://therapyevanston.com/2012/09/failure-to-launch/, which reads in part:

Low functioning grown children who are highly dependent on their parents are a growing phenomenon in many parts of the world. In Japan they are called “Hikikomori”, in Italy “Bamboccioni,” in Germany and France “Tanguy Syndrome”, and in England “NEET” (not in employment, education, or training) or “Kippers” (kids in parents pockets eroding retirement savings). In Canada, they are called “Boomerang Children”, in Austria “Mamma”s Hotel Children,” and in South Korea, they are known as “Kangurus.” In the Unites States, we call it the “Full Nest Syndrome” and “ILYA” (incompletely launched young adult).

Dead link. Also it is just shitty parenting, not a disorder.

Interesting. Our friends have a adult son in his early 20s who still lives with them and appears to be in no hurry to make anything of himself. He was diagnosed with ADD when young and with clinical depression after falling on his face when he tried college. His sister, 20, is a star student on a full ride at a well-regarded University; it's fair to describe her as "driven."

Do you think somehow they were shitty parents for the one, but not for the other?

[Anonymous]

My brother was like this, he was in a huge state of arrested development. He didn't act outwardly entitled, it's just he seemed so lazy and unmotivated and had zero problem living at home in his twenties. My parents wanted him out! It wasn't until a bunch of his friends started getting married and having kids did he finally get a real career job and move out, at 29. We are all so relieved.

He probably had huge depression and anxiety. Finally, he just decided he wanted more for himself. That's not the right answer for everyone but was for him.