I see the school search threads are heating up, so...

[Anonymous]

Most of the above points can apply to the world of dating. See changes below:

Anonymous wrote:...I was hoping to give some advice. I looked at about 12 schools for my DC last fall for K and this is what I learned:

1) Men whom I thought I loved at the speed dating session, I felt "meh" about later. It is like buying the overpriced new purse you love and don't need, after a couple of weeks, you feel stupid and don't love it so much. See other men more than once if you think you really love them.


2) stop forcing yourself to look at/love the rich, popular men or your Joes who live in your building. You will feel it if it is right. you may want to feel supportive of your Regular Joe or you may want the prestige of the popular rich guy...but if you don't feel it, you don't feel it.

3) don't talk too much to your casual friends about your dating history. try to limit the conversations about the man search at local coffee spots, gym classes, etc. it will only serve to make you more anxious.

4) DO talk to people you trust and love you. I took long walks with my dad who helped me clarify my goals and ideals about love, and he knows me pretty well and called bullshit on some of my thinking

5) if you are the other woman, do not overtalk commitment with ML (married lover). He will tire of it quickly and you will become annoying. If he wants the info great, but I would use an editing eye otherwise.

6) pick someone close to your house or work, if possible. your own quality of life may depend on this

7) start early in your search and be thorough ... STD testing (if needed), research of mental illness, etc.

8) disregard most of what you read on DCURBANMOMS about men, including this thread. Some of the threads are supportive, thoughtful, and balanced, but most of it is drivel.

9) know that you can change your mind after a year. nothing is forever. your ex will be okay.

10) TRY TRY TRY to shelf your own needs and experiences enough to stay objective when you choosing a man - Sacrifice is key to a healthy relationship .. . and look at a variety of options when choosing a mate

11) AND, do not assume you will love your Regular Joe or that you will get that lawyer you love. do the work, be prepared, don't get caught scrambling.

GOOD LUCK!

[Anonymous]

HA! I love the post changed to about men....

Hey, decision making is decision making right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Kudos to those saying the post is drivel. It would not be DCURBANMOMS if you didn't!

Interesting that someone thinks going easy on the partner is sexist. Be you gay, straight, etc., I think it is naive to assume that your partner is as interested in this process as you may be. This has to with everything in life. My husband is more into researching cars when we get a new one, and I let him do that. I researched breast pumps. We both love cooking gear, so that is even. Sexist? No....just people being different. And I think it can REALLY stress a marriage when one partner EXPECTS the same level of interest in all subjects, even something as important as schools. Doesn't mean your partner should get off scott-free, doesn't mean that they should abdicate all their duties...I was just saying that we should manage our expectations when it comes to this process.

My God! This is not a thread on interests; it's about schools. BOTH parents should have an equal interest regarding WHICH schools benefit THEIR child - be you gay, straight, or a swinging couple! Why should one parent be in charge of choosing the most fitting academic environment for his/her child?

Sigh. Who said in charge? Both parents SHOULD have an equal interest in schools, but how many SHOULDS happen in YOUR house? In my marriage, SHOULD can be short for "BE LIKE ME OR ELSE." SHOULD in full of ultimatums, threats, and wishful thinking. It is for the silly, naive, and pathetic. The SHOULD people also believe LOVE conquers all. LAUGH.

[Anonymous]

19:02's advice is WAY better!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

My God! This is not a thread on interests; it's about schools. BOTH parents should have an equal interest regarding WHICH schools benefit THEIR child - be you gay, straight, or a swinging couple! Why should one parent be in charge of choosing the most fitting academic environment for his/her child?

In fairness to OP, she said DHs often don't have an equal interest in the *process* of choosing a school -- not the outcome. While I'm not endorsing the gendered aspect of the statement, I do think she's right about division of labor. Especially if both parents have similar values/goals wrt education, it makes a lot of sense to have one do the first cut and take the other back to see only what survived that cut. Why waste both parents' time? (Of course, one answer might be that work situations are such that neither parent can afford to look at all the schools the couple is interested in, so they have to split the list.)

[Anonymous]

OP here. The PP got it right, I DID talk about process, but I am not sure people ACTUALLY read the threads anymore. It is kind of like, they read until they object to something they PERCEIVE, and then they attack. It gets old...

If you hate the thread, hate away, but at least quote or reference me correctly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I like your post, OP. Good advice!

You are so not gonna getg your DC into a big 3 (or big 5) or even little 10.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like your post, OP. Good advice!

You are so not gonna getg your DC into a big 3 (or big 5) or even little 10.

Have another drink!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The PP got it right, I DID talk about process, but I am not sure people ACTUALLY read the threads anymore. It is kind of like, they read until they object to something they PERCEIVE, and then they attack. It gets old...

If you hate the thread, hate away, but at least quote or reference me correctly.

You go girl! Find your school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like your post, OP. Good advice!

You are so not gonna getg your DC into a big 3 (or big 5) or even little 10.

Have another drink!

Don't mind if I do. I feel like celebrating anyway. My DC is off to a big 3 school!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like your post, OP. Good advice!

You are so not gonna getg your DC into a big 3 (or big 5) or even little 10.

Have another drink!

Don't mind if I do. I feel like celebrating anyway. My DC is off to a big 3 school!

Umm ....I so hope you didn't get into our school.

[Anonymous]

What is confusing is: if her precious child is in a school of her choice (doubtful), WHY is she reading the thread AT ALL? Loser. L.O.S.E.R.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
#5 incredibly sexist statement

But true for a lot of couples I know, including DH and I... sigh.

ditto