Alternative to two Christmases?

[Anonymous]

We alternated Thanksgiving and Christmas each year, so we started doing "early Christmas" on Thanksgiving with whichever grandparent got that holiday. It worked well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We're struggling with this and am thinking of this now because we're making holiday plans. We spend every other holiday alternating between DH's family and my family. Now that we have kids (the only grandkids), there's a HUGE push for us to do 2 Christmases. Neither family is local; one is cross country and the other is 4 hours away. We are holding firm on only having one Christmas a year. We don't have much annual leave and we want to simplify holidays and spend more time with nuclear family and on creating nuclear family traditions. We only want to celebrate with one side each year. Alternatively, we are willing to host both grandparents in our house on Christmas, but neither wanted that.

So what is the alternative? When one family is told that we aren't coming for Christmas, they ask when we're coming up to celebrate and they expect us the next weekend. They don't ship presents and they don't visit us. Last year we were celebrating Christmas in the middle of January because that was the first chance we could get to go visit the parents.

Am I being unreasonable?

DING DING DING.

You already have your alternative. If they don't like it, not your problem! "We are not traveling to see anyone this Xmas. You are welcome here. Yes we are inviting the other grandparents too".

I'm not sure you can get around the holding of the presents until the next gathering though. If that's all that makes it a "xmas" gathering, I'd just suck that part up. A lot of kids would be pumped to have another Xmas in January.

[Anonymous]

OP, my brother and his wife were in your shoes. They had the only grandkids for a few years. They live in a different city from both sets of family. They had TWINS. So they just pulled the plug on traveling at all. The twins are now 7 and they have just started taking holiday trips with them to see family.

It was fine! If we wanted to see them, we went to see them. If we couldn't, we'd plan a trip at another time. Missing Xmas is not that big of a deal and both sets will get over it.

[Anonymous]

First grandkid both sides and one side divorced. We did four Christmases in two days and it was awful. The farthest we had to drive was one hour. After that one year of trying to please everyone the line was drawn. People shifted their dates with much griping from one of the divorced ones so they were dropped. Even doing four Christmases in a week sucked.

Set the precedence now and stick to it. Do your own thing. My kids are 10 and 7 now and what they talk about are the traditions we have at our house.

[Anonymous]

13:16 adding that my brother and sil alternate - one family gets Christmas and Easter, the other gets new years and thanksgiving each year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:13:16 adding that my brother and sil alternate - one family gets Christmas and Easter, the other gets new years and thanksgiving each year.

New Years? It's not a family holiday, it's a going out adults holiday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:13:16 adding that my brother and sil alternate - one family gets Christmas and Easter, the other gets new years and thanksgiving each year.

When you have family across the country you are not going to travel for New Years or Easter.

[Anonymous]

Once our children reached 3 or 4 we decided that Christmas Eve and morning would be at our house building our own traditions. Often we would fly out Christmas afternoon to visit one set of parents. Or, one set of parents would spend Christmas with us every two years or so. We never did two Christmases as it was just too much wear and tear on all of us. My DH comes from a big family and most of them live within an hour of his parents - but not us - we are 1000 miles away. We rarely spent Christmas with them because they loved being around the big family. But we were OK with that because we understood.

[Anonymous]

OP here. To be fair, the family that always wants 2 of everything is the 4 hours away family (not the cross country family that you're assuming). They also don't visit. The cross country family visits us 4-5x a year and on their year for Christmas they rent a house for a month here to help us out with babysitting during the holiday break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're struggling with this and am thinking of this now because we're making holiday plans. We spend every other holiday alternating between DH's family and my family. Now that we have kids (the only grandkids), there's a HUGE push for us to do 2 Christmases. Neither family is local; one is cross country and the other is 4 hours away. We are holding firm on only having one Christmas a year. We don't have much annual leave and we want to simplify holidays and spend more time with nuclear family and on creating nuclear family traditions. We only want to celebrate with one side each year. Alternatively, we are willing to host both grandparents in our house on Christmas, but neither wanted that.

So what is the alternative? When one family is told that we aren't coming for Christmas, they ask when we're coming up to celebrate and they expect us the next weekend. They don't ship presents and they don't visit us. Last year we were celebrating Christmas in the middle of January because that was the first chance we could get to go visit the parents.

Am I being unreasonable?

DING DING DING.

You already have your alternative. If they don't like it, not your problem! "We are not traveling to see anyone this Xmas. You are welcome here. Yes we are inviting the other grandparents too".

I'm not sure you can get around the holding of the presents until the next gathering though. If that's all that makes it a "xmas" gathering, I'd just suck that part up. A lot of kids would be pumped to have another Xmas in January.

+1

Stay home. They can bring the gifts when they bring them. I promise you, if you present a united front, and stick to your guns, this will solve itself. Tell them you won't be coming for Christmas. They don't ship presents and they don't visit. No problem. Stay home, and they can do the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To be fair, the family that always wants 2 of everything is the 4 hours away family (not the cross country family that you're assuming). They also don't visit. The cross country family visits us 4-5x a year and on their year for Christmas they rent a house for a month here to help us out with babysitting during the holiday break.

Host your own Christmas and exchange presents when you next see each side if they don't come. I surmise that it is your DH's family that is 4 hours away and doesn't visit, so he should be the one to tell them.

[Anonymous]

We alternate Easter, 4th of July, Thanksgiving, and Christmas, and occasionally take a year off (this Christmas we are spending in NYC because I want to).

As for gifts, if grandparents won't ship them, the kids don't need them.

[Anonymous]

Why doesn't the family from 4 hours away visit? Are they under house arrest? Do you have a vicious relative-eating dog? Live in a shack with only an outhouse for a bathroom?

You're not being unreasonable in wanting to make your own traditions and actually enjoy the holiday. The family that refuses to compromise or visit is. Like others, we don't travel for Christmas, nor do my siblings. My parents alternate years with us, since it's easier for them to travel and Christmas morning isn't about them anymore-it's about the kids. Grandparents are welcome to celebrate with us (either side) whenever they want.

[Anonymous]

They are holding your children's Christmas gifts ransom. Nice people. Now is a good time to tell this side of the family that you will not be participating in gift giving any longer. Use the $$ and donate to a charity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are holding your children's Christmas gifts ransom. Nice people. Now is a good time to tell this side of the family that you will not be participating in gift giving any longer. Use the $$ and donate to a charity.

OP here. They all are very nice people. They're just of an older mindset that children come to their parents for Christmas, not the other way around.