For those who recently dropped off their kids at college...

[Anonymous]

So we totally messed up the experience for our freshman.

We have 3 kids who headed off to college on the same day: a senior, a junior and a freshman. The senior and freshman attend the same school. Additionally we have 2 kids at home as well as Dad, my husband's father, who has Alzheimer's.

I was in charge of the getting the senior and freshman up to school and my husband was handling the junior. We left the high school student, elementary student, Dad and a caregiver at home. But in our haste and the flurry of getting everyone out of the house, we didn't keep the household as structured as we should have for Dad and he became extremely anxious. Even my parents coming over and taking the kids with them to their house didn't help.

So I ended up doing load-in day for the freshman all day (the senior was pretty much set) and then driving home all night. My husband left the junior after getting him set up and we literally passed like ships in the night on the highway as he headed from the junior to the freshman so that the frosh could have someone with him for the Parent/Kid activities at his school.

I was so stressed when I got home on Saturday at 3 or 4 am that I couldn't sleep so when Dad woke up early we started baking (he finds it soothing interestingly enough). I think we baked enough cookies to feed a couple of armies. We shipped off a bunch of the cookies, froze a bunch and took some to the shelter where we sometimes volunteer.

Long story short, it was not an ideal situation but our freshman took the punches like a champ and seems to be settling in nicely despite the rough start. It is a shame because the older two got all the bells and whistles- nice, relaxing move-in, dinners out at fine restaurants, brunch, the whole shebang. But it is what it is and my husband and I learned a big lesson about keeping things calm for Dad. Fortunately the freshman is a happy kid and isn't holding a grudge or bemoaning the rocky start.

Other than that, class selection went well and the suitemates aren't too weird, and one suitemate actually seems pretty normal. We'll see how it goes! He had 3 days of classes this week and seems happy!

[Anonymous]

Don't beat yourself up, PP. Real life happens and you set a great example for your kids. You can always pop up for other things or do something special when fresh comes home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been crying every day since my daughter left for college. She was my only child, and now the house is empty and I am alone.

I've been crying every day since DS left for college. He's my second child to leave for college, but it's almost as bad as the first one leaving. I have two younger children at home, which tempers the pain somewhat, but each child is unique, and it's a terrible emptiness in the house, at the dinner table, when walking past the empty bedroom. I know it will get better after a while, but it's quite an adjustment after living with your child every day (just about) for more than 18 years! I miss both my children, but I'm used to the older one being gone, not yet used to the younger one's absence -- it feels like a real hole in my life, a fresh pain every day. Talking with him on the phone isn't the same. He's funny and adds so much energy to our household. I really miss him!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't beat yourself up, PP. Real life happens and you set a great example for your kids. You can always pop up for other things or do something special when fresh comes home.

Thanks. I'm just so annoyed at myself that I didn't see it coming and he is such a sweet kid. But you're right that we can pop up to school and do a special treat. Sigh. I hope everyone else's drop offs went much, much better and that all our children thrive!

[Anonymous]

Visit the school during the summer before freshman year as a tourist. Go again a few days before move in and rent a hotel room. Go out to restaurants and walk around town and campus before others get there. Being familiar with the location can really help ease your mind as a parent. You don't want to be there after drop off because ideally your kid should be out with the other freshman roaming and meeting each other. Skype makes college seem an extension of home.

[Anonymous]

I cried briefly at drop-off but was surprised how well I handled the school year (only child -- so empty nesterhood). But the almost-all-summer internship in another city was lonesome. I guess both DC and I had expected summer after first year to be at home. But there was a great opportunity, so DC tried for it and got it. Glad DC did it, but it -- not drop-off -- was the experience that drove home to me that DC doesn't live here anymore.

[Anonymous]

I was more sad watching "Boy" then dropping my own son off at college. That movie really stuck with me, maybe it was preparing me for the real thing.

We have a few 18 year old boys in my neighborhood who didn't go to college and that has been so rough on the families that it felt like a bit of a victory to get my sometimes difficult DS out the door. He is very happy at school and that helps too. I do find myself waiting anxiously for contact from him, he calls, a real phone call, once a week on Sunday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I cried briefly at drop-off but was surprised how well I handled the school year (only child -- so empty nesterhood). But the almost-all-summer internship in another city was lonesome. I guess both DC and I had expected summer after first year to be at home. But there was a great opportunity, so DC tried for it and got it. Glad DC did it, but it -- not drop-off -- was the experience that drove home to me that DC doesn't live here anymore.

Ride home after the busy move in was rough for me. Friends came to the rescue though with nights out so that got me over that hurdle. If I had to do it over, I would plan a series of fun times for right after ahead of time. With a drop off in September, you're out of sync with all the August drop offs so it won't just naturally happen. We were already used to him not being around much so the day to day was fine (empty bedroom at night was the worst of it) and we saw our kid once a month in the fall between parents weekend and the holidays. He had to stay at stay at school for an EC spring break and that's when it hit us we were starting to know him less...despite a great relationship and calls,..but it was comforting to see what a great life he was starting to build for himself. And we love the new but different relationship. And no summer home for us either also due to a great internship. That was the final event of a freshman year journey to the realization that we were no longer really home for him. We weren't expecting it quite so soon and it was lonely to see our other friends so happy with their kids home. That's life though with a really independent kid and I wouldn't wish otherwise. Overall it's been somewhat akin to ripping off a bandage quickly.

[Anonymous]

Quick question for PPs who are crying a lot. Are you actually crying tears or you mean figuratively? Am I emotionally stunted? I haven't cried at drop off, or at high school graduation. I cry like a river watching Splendor in the Grass, though... My SIL cried when her 20 year old came back from a months vacation, like sobbing.. Is something wrong with me?

[Anonymous]

It helped enormously when I remembered I had to switch the focus from me to her. She was excited for a new environment - new state, sharing a room, etc. She was excited about her classes and the topics that seemed more exciting than high school. She was excited to see friends she had already made at orientation. I felt I couldn't take that away from her by dragging her down to my emotions. Her school has parents and students together for an event and then students leave for more orientation. It's somewhat of a group goodbye which was MUCH easier than driving away from a lonely child on the steps of a dorm. At first I thought it was terrible to have a public weep fest, but in hindsight it was a good thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So we totally messed up the experience for our freshman.

We have 3 kids who headed off to college on the same day: a senior, a junior and a freshman. The senior and freshman attend the same school. Additionally we have 2 kids at home as well as Dad, my husband's father, who has Alzheimer's.

I was in charge of the getting the senior and freshman up to school and my husband was handling the junior. We left the high school student, elementary student, Dad and a caregiver at home. But in our haste and the flurry of getting everyone out of the house, we didn't keep the household as structured as we should have for Dad and he became extremely anxious. Even my parents coming over and taking the kids with them to their house didn't help.

So I ended up doing load-in day for the freshman all day (the senior was pretty much set) and then driving home all night. My husband left the junior after getting him set up and we literally passed like ships in the night on the highway as he headed from the junior to the freshman so that the frosh could have someone with him for the Parent/Kid activities at his school.

I was so stressed when I got home on Saturday at 3 or 4 am that I couldn't sleep so when Dad woke up early we started baking (he finds it soothing interestingly enough). I think we baked enough cookies to feed a couple of armies. We shipped off a bunch of the cookies, froze a bunch and took some to the shelter where we sometimes volunteer.

Long story short, it was not an ideal situation but our freshman took the punches like a champ and seems to be settling in nicely despite the rough start. It is a shame because the older two got all the bells and whistles- nice, relaxing move-in, dinners out at fine restaurants, brunch, the whole shebang. But it is what it is and my husband and I learned a big lesson about keeping things calm for Dad. Fortunately the freshman is a happy kid and isn't holding a grudge or bemoaning the rocky start.

Other than that, class selection went well and the suitemates aren't too weird, and one suitemate actually seems pretty normal. We'll see how it goes! He had 3 days of classes this week and seems happy!

I just wanted to comment to not beat yourself up! You sound like a great parent and daughter-in-law and I think no matter what happens, your kids have been watching your actions over the years and how much you do for your family. They'll be fine!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Quick question for PPs who are crying a lot. Are you actually crying tears or you mean figuratively? Am I emotionally stunted? I haven't cried at drop off, or at high school graduation. I cry like a river watching Splendor in the Grass, though... My SIL cried when her 20 year old came back from a months vacation, like sobbing.. Is something wrong with me?

Real tears, and plenty of them. I cried when DS went to summer camp for ONE week! I'm a crier.

Nothing wrong with you. Perhaps you deal with such things differently. I know a mom who never cried until her DD left home AFTER college. That's when she lost it and could not stop crying for weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So we totally messed up the experience for our freshman.

We have 3 kids who headed off to college on the same day: a senior, a junior and a freshman. The senior and freshman attend the same school. Additionally we have 2 kids at home as well as Dad, my husband's father, who has Alzheimer's.

I was in charge of the getting the senior and freshman up to school and my husband was handling the junior. We left the high school student, elementary student, Dad and a caregiver at home. But in our haste and the flurry of getting everyone out of the house, we didn't keep the household as structured as we should have for Dad and he became extremely anxious. Even my parents coming over and taking the kids with them to their house didn't help.

So I ended up doing load-in day for the freshman all day (the senior was pretty much set) and then driving home all night. My husband left the junior after getting him set up and we literally passed like ships in the night on the highway as he headed from the junior to the freshman so that the frosh could have someone with him for the Parent/Kid activities at his school.

I was so stressed when I got home on Saturday at 3 or 4 am that I couldn't sleep so when Dad woke up early we started baking (he finds it soothing interestingly enough). I think we baked enough cookies to feed a couple of armies. We shipped off a bunch of the cookies, froze a bunch and took some to the shelter where we sometimes volunteer.

Long story short, it was not an ideal situation but our freshman took the punches like a champ and seems to be settling in nicely despite the rough start. It is a shame because the older two got all the bells and whistles- nice, relaxing move-in, dinners out at fine restaurants, brunch, the whole shebang. But it is what it is and my husband and I learned a big lesson about keeping things calm for Dad. Fortunately the freshman is a happy kid and isn't holding a grudge or bemoaning the rocky start.

Other than that, class selection went well and the suitemates aren't too weird, and one suitemate actually seems pretty normal. We'll see how it goes! He had 3 days of classes this week and seems happy!

I just wanted to comment to not beat yourself up! You sound like a great parent and daughter-in-law and I think no matter what happens, your kids have been watching your actions over the years and how much you do for your family. They'll be fine!

Thank you to you and the other poster who responded. I just reread the post and it definitely was TMI so I'm sorry I dropped my load on everyone else. On the other hand, it was extremely cathartic for me and I felt so much better after my post!!! Again, thank you for the words of encouragement and I hope that everyone's child has a wonderful year at college!

[Anonymous]

didn't cry until I got home

[Anonymous]

After a summer of DS going out just about every night and pushing every boundary he could, it was actually a relief to drop him off.