Developmental/skills milestones

[Anonymous]

Any preschool that has a hard and fast list of skills that kids *must* have mastered is developmentally inappropriate. When kids are that young, they learn and develop at different speeds, and a good school should recognize that. Plus, it makes a school completely unaccessible to kids with any sort of special need (which, at that age, may not even be diagnosed/identified yet).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 5 year old still needs me to wipe his butt. That list is insane.

That is why you think the skills list is insane?

Teach your poor child to wipe himself, PP. I feel so sorry for him and his poor teachers. All my kids, two boys and a girl, could and did sufficiently wipe themselves after defecating at 3.5.

WTF is wrong with you? Wiping yourself - well - actually takes quite a bit of fine and gross motor control. I'm glad your kids were able to do this perfectly at 3.5, but it is not AT ALL uncommon for a child to have difficulty wiping themselves well at 4 or older. Luckily that "poor child"'s mother is compassionate and understanding and not a demanding a**hole. And she is right - that list is insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think so much of this just depends on the personality of the kid. DS1 was extremely independent, wanted to do everything himself, and could do everything on that list by 2.5. DS2, not so much. They'll all get there eventually!

The only thing I would recommend is to hold off a bit before jumping in and helping when your DD is practicing these skills. Let your DD struggle a bit if she's trying to take off her shirt, for example. That's basically how they learn.

Pretty much this. I have a just turned 2 year old (DS) and a 6 year old (DD). The latter could do all these things (except blowing her nose, for whatever reason she took a long time to catch onto that) before 2.5. My youngest has zero interest in the toilet, doesn't seem coordinated enough to get his clothes on, but in particular his socks and shoes, and while he can drink from an open cup, it often ends up knocked over. He's got excellent fork and spoon skills though and has the 6 year old beat on the blowing the nose thing.

I wouldn't choose this particular school, myself. Our daycare starts to work on potty training in the 2s room but there is no expectation that all the kids will be fully and independently trained by 2.5....I'd love it if we could get my 2nd trained up, I'm so over dealing with other people's poop.

[Anonymous]

My 2.5 year old can do the entire list. It is possible, Posters. She has two older brothers and simply watched them.

I really wonder why more parents don't encourage skills like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 2.5 year old can do the entire list. It is possible, Posters. She has two older brothers and simply watched them.

I really wonder why more parents don't encourage skills like this.

1. Some of us don't care. I don't mind dressing my 2.5 YO.
2. Some of us do "encourage skills like this," and yet the kids still can't do it. If I explain nose-blowing any more, I will go insane, but the kid just. can't. get. it. Luckily that isn't on college admissions forms, so I think he'll be okay in the long run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 2.5 year old can do the entire list. It is possible, Posters. She has two older brothers and simply watched them.

I really wonder why more parents don't encourage skills like this.

Sounds like the older brothers encouraged your 2.5, not the parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 2.5 year old can do the entire list. It is possible, Posters. She has two older brothers and simply watched them.

I really wonder why more parents don't encourage skills like this.

Sounds like the older brothers encouraged your 2.5, not the parent.

+1

Some kids take longer than others. I'd love for my young 2 year old to use the potty, but she's not into it. I don't want to force it, create a power struggle, and end up with an uptight, anal kid.

[Anonymous]

Another person who would avoid that school, for all the reasons mentioned above.

[Anonymous]

My 4.5-y-o had all of these down at 2.5 years old, when she started preschool. Well, wiping for poop was hit or miss. And clothing was simple. But, basically.

I really didn't think that was unusual, but then she attended her cooperative preschool (where none of this was really required) and most of the kids in her class (just-turned-2 to almost-3) could not do most of the items on this list. When I went to help them on with their coats, for example, they just stood there like dolls. I would start a zipper and ask if they wanted to pull it up, and... nothin'.

I can't decide if I just expect more from my kid or if my kid was unusually impressive in her motor skills (which cover most of these). I lean toward the former, because her fine motor skills IMO are not much better than average. And I'm far from a hardass, FWIW. At her current PS (a different one), they have a similar philosophy, and most of the kids, who start at a minimum of 2.5, so slightly older, can do most of these things.

To be fair to the school, I could see how this should easily be able to apply to kids 3+. 2.5 is just the minimum age for entry, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 2.5 year old can do the entire list. It is possible, Posters. She has two older brothers and simply watched them.

I really wonder why more parents don't encourage skills like this.

I wonder that too. To be perfectly honest, that list seemed like a "given" to me. I did actively teach my kids these skills from very early on. It just made life easier (albeit much slower) when the child can do these things when the "I do it!" phase hits.

Currently my youngest - 20 months old - can put on and take off her own shoes, eat unaided with a fork and spoon, drinks from an open cup, walks into classes and places we go on her own. We've started potty training and are teaching her to get dressed herself.

[Anonymous]

I didn't teach any of this actively, because there was no particular need to push it. Once DS felt like doing these things, he gradually started doing them. As he practiced, he got better. I thought it was completely normal, and actively pushing self-dressing and fork use before 2 seemed rather silly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 2.5 year old can do the entire list. It is possible, Posters. She has two older brothers and simply watched them.

I really wonder why more parents don't encourage skills like this.

I wonder that too. To be perfectly honest, that list seemed like a "given" to me. I did actively teach my kids these skills from very early on. It just made life easier (albeit much slower) when the child can do these things when the "I do it!" phase hits.

Currently my youngest - 20 months old - can put on and take off her own shoes, eat unaided with a fork and spoon, drinks from an open cup, walks into classes and places we go on her own. We've started potty training and are teaching her to get dressed herself.

That's great, but again, kids develop very differently. Not all of them even have "I do it" phases. (Mine didn't until past 4!) Kids are all different, and this preschool is pretty ridiculous to claim that 2.5 year olds "must" be able to do skills that only a few kids on one far end of the bell curve can do at that age. The school either doesn't actually mean that list, or has no clue about appropriate child development expectations. Plus, it's not written in stone that achieving "independence" in these goals must be anyone's #1 parenting goal. I didn't really care if my kid potty trained before 3 or put his clothes on himself by 2.5. Just not a parenting value of mine. I spent my time and energy on other parenting goals that were more important to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't teach any of this actively, because there was no particular need to push it. Once DS felt like doing these things, he gradually started doing them. As he practiced, he got better. I thought it was completely normal, and actively pushing self-dressing and fork use before 2 seemed rather silly.

Yes, and you have to chose your battles. My DS (who granted has very poor fine motor skills) acted like I was forcing him to walk over hot coals when I tried to even get him to put on his underwear by himself at 3. After a few horrible morning battles, I decided to completely let it go. It just was not worth it, especially in the rush to get out of the house. Our time together was more important than that. Now at 5 he dresses himself completely and I wonder why I ever angsted about this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't teach any of this actively, because there was no particular need to push it. Once DS felt like doing these things, he gradually started doing them. As he practiced, he got better. I thought it was completely normal, and actively pushing self-dressing and fork use before 2 seemed rather silly.

Yes, and you have to chose your battles. My DS (who granted has very poor fine motor skills) acted like I was forcing him to walk over hot coals when I tried to even get him to put on his underwear by himself at 3. After a few horrible morning battles, I decided to completely let it go. It just was not worth it, especially in the rush to get out of the house. Our time together was more important than that. Now at 5 he dresses himself completely and I wonder why I ever angsted about this.

I basically waited for the "I do by self" phase and let DS do whatever he was into.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 2.5 year old can do the entire list. It is possible, Posters. She has two older brothers and simply watched them.

I really wonder why more parents don't encourage skills like this.

Sounds like the older brothers encouraged your 2.5, not the parent.

+1

It's pretty common for kids with older siblings to master some of these skills earlier than kids without. And kids are all over the map at this age in terms of gross and fine motor skills (along with other developmental milestones). It's fine to have guidelines, but there just aren't hard and fast rules. We worked on several self-care skills with our kids, but maybe not the same ones that other parents choose to focus on, and the kids mastered the skills at different times.