How to explain our choice to family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi everyone,
We lived in DC for 7 years and moved back to NY area to be closer to family after we had our second child. My husband had this grand idea that living closer to family would improve our quality of life. Well, two years later and when it comes to finances, housing, job opps and various other things, our quality of life has gone down the tubes Everything has been a struggle in ways it wasnt before. 6 months ago we made the decision together that we will move back to DC area. We havent moved yet but plan to. Our families are taking it soooo personally and acting like we want to move back bc we dont care about being far from them, that we dont value family etc. They arent being supportive at all and I dont know how to explain it nicely with out getting defensive. Has anyone been thru this? Any advice?

You haven't given it much time to work.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you moved closer to family to get help with two young kids. Regardless, don't say anything until one of you actually has a job. Then you can announce, "great news, blank got a wonderful job in dc!"

[Anonymous]

6 months ago you decided. You considered it before then. Your problem is you've been talking about this for too long - and you haven't even moved yet. You should have waited until you actually had a move date. All this "support" you're asking for is too much, you're expecting too much.

[Anonymous]

^ Sounds like they've already told.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think if you told them it was about finances they would understand, but it sounds in your post you are blaming them for things working or that you are prioritizing having things over people. Which is your choice, but I can understand them being hurt by that

Maybe I'm overstepping here, but I think you and your husband are focusing on outside issues instead of your relationship, how you work together and how you manage things.

You blamed DC last time.

Now you are blaming NY.

You'll go back to DC and have the same issues because you aren't dealing with things.

Thanks for your input. We are def working on ourselves and our decision-making skills. We didnt havecproblems when we were in DC, my DH just thought it would be helpful to live closer to family in terms of babysitting etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you moved closer to family to get help with two young kids. Regardless, don't say anything until one of you actually has a job. Then you can announce, "great news, blank got a wonderful job in dc!"

OP here, Thanks, I agree. Weve been renting this whole time in NY area and we havent necessarily told them we are moving back but the longer weve been renting, they see us not committing and tend to make comments that if we were to go back blah blah blah.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:6 months ago you decided. You considered it before then. Your problem is you've been talking about this for too long - and you haven't even moved yet. You should have waited until you actually had a move date. All this "support" you're asking for is too much, you're expecting too much.

OP here, I totally agree and have tried to do that. My family asks a lot of questions though and when they see us renting for so long and ask questions about why we havent bought a house sometimes Ill say because we dont know if we are staying and thats when they make the comments. Im going to try to reel it back in though and wait until we have a move date to really say anything more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obviously the closeness to family is not worth the financial
Cost for you. It is a reflection on them, whether you want to admit it or not.

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I don't know how much OPs family is struggling financially or emotionally, but I'd like to think that when my son is their age, I would put his needs about where he should live above my own wants about where he should live. I'd like to think I would wish him success, and not take things personally that aren't about me.

Two years is a good try.

I dot. Disagree, but in some ways the fact that op tried makes it worse, like family wasn't good enough/helpful enough in those two years.

OP here. Yes, I see how it could look like that. My family has never left NY- they live in quite a bubble - so they havent experienced how different places have different quality of life and how much an impact the diff quality of life can have on us as a family unit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You say that there are not enough job opportunities in your field and the ones that are available do not pay enough to be financially stable. You need to move back to where you have more jobs, better pay, and can afford to live. Explain that although you love living close to family (even if this is a white lie), your obligation to raise your children with more financial stability forces you to move back to DC.

Thank you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You say that there are not enough job opportunities in your field and the ones that are available do not pay enough to be financially stable. You need to move back to where you have more jobs, better pay, and can afford to live. Explain that although you love living close to family (even if this is a white lie), your obligation to raise your children with more financial stability forces you to move back to DC.

Forgot to say that any family that would give you grief over this decision is dysfunctional and toxic.

OP here, I tend to agree and have some angry feelings towards them when I think about the comments they make on the topic. I tried very hard to not bring it up for over a ywar but when pur lease was up and they saw we didnt buy a house, they kept briging it up and asking questions.