SAHM planning divorce in 3-4 years. What should I do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:


Why are you a SAHM with one kid?

Daycare costs more than I could earn. DH also likes that he doesn't have to help out with housework or childcare; if I worked, I'd still have to do all the childcare.

[Anonymous]

Since you have a few years, aim for something a little higher earning: respiratory tech, ultrasound tech, pharmacy tech. Nursing would be great if you could swing it.

[Anonymous]

Why do so many SAHMs who come here looking to divorce think grad school is the option. No, you don't saddle yourself with huge debt to take on as a single parent with reduced income. You get a job NOW and start saving money NOW and put in 3-4 years of work so that your resume gets you a better job when you divorce and need more money.

Or, you get off the fence, divorce now and just move to your hometown and start working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


Why are you a SAHM with one kid?

Daycare costs more than I could earn. DH also likes that he doesn't have to help out with housework or childcare; if I worked, I'd still have to do all the childcare.

Exactly what do you think your life as a divorced single parent is going to look like? Hint: when your kid isn't in daycare you'll be on the hook for all the childcare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


Why are you a SAHM with one kid?

Daycare costs more than I could earn. DH also likes that he doesn't have to help out with housework or childcare; if I worked, I'd still have to do all the childcare.

Exactly what do you think your life as a divorced single parent is going to look like? Hint: when your kid isn't in daycare you'll be on the hook for all the childcare.

If she moves to be near family then hopefully they will help out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


Why are you a SAHM with one kid?

Daycare costs more than I could earn. DH also likes that he doesn't have to help out with housework or childcare; if I worked, I'd still have to do all the childcare.

Exactly what do you think your life as a divorced single parent is going to look like? Hint: when your kid isn't in daycare you'll be on the hook for all the childcare.

NP but I would think in 3-4 yrs the kid will be in school. And if she's moving back to her hometown to be around family, she probably has some help built in for aftercare. So likely no childcare costs or very little at that point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


Why are you a SAHM with one kid?

Daycare costs more than I could earn. DH also likes that he doesn't have to help out with housework or childcare; if I worked, I'd still have to do all the childcare.

Exactly what do you think your life as a divorced single parent is going to look like? Hint: when your kid isn't in daycare you'll be on the hook for all the childcare.

If she moves to be near family then hopefully they will help out.

"Hopefully." Maybe they can, maybe they can't. Op seems to be seeking some magical solution whereby she divorces but doesn't experience a decrease in standard of living or miss out on help with childcare. It's not going to happen. You will have to work, possibly not make much money and be lacking the second income, and will be responsible for all the childcare when child is in your custody. That's divorce.

[Anonymous]

I think OP is smart to wait until the child is in school full day. Otherwise, what she earns will go to childcare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think OP is smart to wait until the child is in school full day. Otherwise, what she earns will go to childcare.

Even a part-time job would be something she could put on her resume though.

[Anonymous]

Several PPs have had good ideas:
1) IUD!! (Top priority)
2) see an attorney now and strategize with them
3) inexpensive portable certification
4) reduce current lifestyle costs as much as possible now -- more assets to divide in the divorce and you won't be used to an unsustainable lifestyle when you're single

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think OP is smart to wait until the child is in school full day. Otherwise, what she earns will go to childcare.

The longer she's out of the workforce the harder it will be to get back in. SHe needs to look for work now.

[Anonymous]

And this, again, is why men should think twice about marriage.

When a person is planning to divorce 3 - 4 years in advance and strategizing about it that smacks of premeditated fraud.
Does your husband know about the impending divorce? If not then you are misleading him. He is making long term decisions based on a fraudulent claim that you intend to stay married to him. Would he be willing to move to your home town IF he know that the moment he does you are going to divorce him? Does HE have a support system in place (family and friends) in that town? Why do you think it is equitable for you to, under false pretense, entice him to relocate only to them immediately deprive him of his family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And this, again, is why men should think twice about marriage.

When a person is planning to divorce 3 - 4 years in advance and strategizing about it that smacks of premeditated fraud.
Does your husband know about the impending divorce? If not then you are misleading him. He is making long term decisions based on a fraudulent claim that you intend to stay married to him. Would he be willing to move to your home town IF he know that the moment he does you are going to divorce him? Does HE have a support system in place (family and friends) in that town? Why do you think it is equitable for you to, under false pretense, entice him to relocate only to them immediately deprive him of his family?

I'm with you, posts like this really irk me. This isn't a freaking football match, if you are planning on divorcing him FOUR years down the line, at least talk to your husband about how unhappy you feel and start working together towards a solution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And this, again, is why men should think twice about marriage.

When a person is planning to divorce 3 - 4 years in advance and strategizing about it that smacks of premeditated fraud.
Does your husband know about the impending divorce? If not then you are misleading him. He is making long term decisions based on a fraudulent claim that you intend to stay married to him. Would he be willing to move to your home town IF he know that the moment he does you are going to divorce him? Does HE have a support system in place (family and friends) in that town? Why do you think it is equitable for you to, under false pretense, entice him to relocate only to them immediately deprive him of his family?

I'm with you, posts like this really irk me. This isn't a freaking football match, if you are planning on divorcing him FOUR years down the line, at least talk to your husband about how unhappy you feel and start working together towards a solution.

OP here and we have talked over and over and over. I gave him plenty of warning that I am getting my life together, becoming self-sufficient, and if he doesn't start treating me well I will leave. So it's not going to be coming completely out of the blue.

As for depriving him of his family, he has no interest in being a part of a family.

[Anonymous]

You're not really at all becoming more self sufficient so he probably doesn't believe you're serious. You're not working , musing about advanced degrees, and dilly dallying until your family can support you. If you actually went and got a job and put your child in care he would probably snap to attention.