Husband extremely depressed; I am postpartum. Help!

[Anonymous]

OP, for what it's worth, I live in another country far away and if my best friend needed help, I would be there in a heartbeat (of course, I don't have any kids). Could you mention this to her? You may be surprised about the support you have! Or at least Skypes for you to vent (which often makes us feel better too vs hearing solutions). (This is in addition to the other good suggestions. Good luck and take care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for the empathy, somehow it helps a lot. Also for the suggestions about how to cope with his anger. PP, I'll be thinking of you when I repeat "this is the depression talking... and PP2, thanks for the tip about the ball. I tried it out in my mind and somehow it works!

I am realizing that part of my struggle with this is that my father was depressed and abusive towards my mother and us, who also then became depressed and could not really push back. So I have difficulty in knowing how to set healthy boundaries. I either overreact, not wanting to be the victim like my mother, or I don't know how to protect myself and end up feeling overwhelmed. In this situation it feels tricky, because saying something hurtful or shutting down his feelings might trigger his depression even further.

I am going to talk to him about whether he will be open to seeing a marriage therapist to support us, so that we can get through this as best we can without hurting the kids.

Thanks again for the support and the tips. Helps so much.

I'm sorry, OP, you married your father. And obviously you've never had a healthy role model, so you can't even figure out how to react appropriately towards your husband who is unkind at best.

Please get lots and lots of help, especially now that you have two babies. Do it for them so that they don't continue the cycle.