Why does everyone have their kids two years apart?

[Anonymous]

Your toddler drives you to drink, and then you get horny and then you get careless and boom! Happens more than you think . ..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the people who do this have at least 2 or more of the following characteristics:

1. They have known from the start they want more than one kid
2. They want the baby stage over with as quickly as possible--they don't want to wait until kid #1 is so far removed from the baby stage that they feel like they are starting all over again with sleep deprivation, diapers, etc.
3. They get pregnant easily (i.e. can actually time these things).
4. They are older and feel a time pressure to have kids.
5. They found a nanny they loved for #1 and want to maximize her use for #2 as well.

At least this is what I've seen in my friends, neighbors & community.

From what I've seen, it's largely 1 and 4, although 3 usually has to be true as well. At least, in DC.

[Anonymous]

Because 15 month old children are adorable and no longer horribly exhausting to care for in the way that an infant is. Suddenly it seems perfectly reasonable to have another.

[Anonymous]

Agree OP. Mine is approaching his 2 year b day and all my acquaintances who were pregnant with me are pregnant again. It's not for me though. Waiting another year to ensure daycare and college costs are ideally spaced (i.e. no overlap).

That said, we are going to stop at 2 and I am younger than 34. If we were going for three I might give up on the spacing for cost methodology and make it work.

[Anonymous]

Everyone I know with kids 2 years apart live in the DC area and started having kids in their 30s. All of my other friends who aren't in the DC area space 3-4 years apart. We also went that route because there was no way I was ready to have another so soon. Plus, no overlap in daycare/college costs.

[Anonymous]

As someone with a one year old, it's because we know we want a few kids, and love the idea of siblings close in age...but although I found the baby stage very enjoyable and honestly not near as challenging as I was prepared for, *I* physically didn't feel close to read until recently. I wanted to just...not be pregnant for a bit. Who knows how quickly I'll get pregnant, but I can see why this happens. My baby is 13 months now and we've decided to start ttc next month, and I honestly didn't at all feel ready until now - I suddenly do

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine are 2y9mo apart, so not exactly 2 years, but I know many, many moms who time it to almost the day exactly so that they are 2 years apart. I think it's just easier. Play well together, a little space in timing college costs, etc. Plus, if you are only having 2 or 3 kids, you get done with the pregnancy/baby stage very quickly that way.

My kids are also 2y9mo apart. I agree that the 2yr timing is nice. I wasn't ready to have another/be pregnant again until my first turned 2, but if I had it to do over again I would have had them 2 yrs part. I would have been so nice to have had them overlapping in the same daycare and elementary school sooner.

i also think some women just want to pop them out quickly so they don't have to put as much effort into getting their bodies back.

[Anonymous]

I had a colicky fist baby so mine are 3.5 years apart. I wasn't ready at all before then! I can see people with easier babies having them closer.....they have less terror to forget.

[Anonymous]

1. Older parents don't think they have the time to wait
2. Getting the baby stage out of the way and/or having them close enough to be playmates
3. Everyone's sleeping again (usually), weaning (usually), and over the chaos that is the first year of parenthood

I had an easy baby and my 1.5 year old is still pretty agreeable for a toddler. I could definitely have them closer, but we're also slightly younger than the DC norm (I'm 33 so not THAT much younger) and I don't want to have overlapping daycare costs. So we're thinking a 3-ish year gap, depending on how quickly we can conceive next time.

[Anonymous]

Mine are 19 months apart - would have been 14 but I had a MC at 8 weeks. We knew we wanted 2 close in age as DH and his younger brother are 15 months apart. I do think it's great, DS1 will never know life before his brother and has never shown any jealousy or issues towards DS2. I have either been pregnant or breastfeeding for 3.5 years now, and haven't slept in just as long, but it's worked well for us. I figured it was the next best thing to having twins!

[Anonymous]

Mine are 18 months apart and it's been PERFECT. The oldest was so young when baby #2 came that he was never jealous. He also was napping reliably, not having tantrums, and was generally sweet as can be.

It was difficult having "two under two" but now that my son is 2, I'm SO glad I'm not bringing a newborn into the house.

All of my friends who did the 2 year age gap are really struggling. Their oldest is very territorial and throws a lot of tantrums. We missed all of that.

[Anonymous]

My sister and I are 2 years 2 months apart and were great friends growing up so that's the spacing I wanted. I also wanted same-sex siblings since that's what I had.

Initially thought we'd timed it perfectly but miscarried, then had more miscarriages, etc etc. Finally had second kid and they are nearly 3.5 years apart and different genders. Not what we'd planned but we'll take what we can get! Due to birthdays they'll be 3 years apart in school. Only having 2 years of daycare overlap instead of 3 will be great. And it's really nice how independent the older one is and how maturely he's handled the addition of the baby. But he's not over the moon about her like some of my friends' older kids were about their siblings. And his schedule is pretty much the diametric opposite of hers in terms of nap and mealtimes, though I know it won't be that way forever. I do worry they won't be close as they grow up. But we'll do what we can and you can't force everything.

[Anonymous]

Not sure. My kids are 4 years apart, though. The bigger age gap is awesome for us. I've gotten to really enjoy/focus on each one''s babyhood, and when I get babied-out with the little one, I can spend big-kid time with the big one.

I had the first at 33 and second at 37, so I had age somewhat on my side...I didn't feel desperate to have the second. Also, I wasn't sure I wanted a second for a long time...not until after the first turned 3.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With the exception of maybe two or three friends, almost everyone I know (neighbors, mom's club members, friends) have their baby two years after their first. Most, no exaggeration, have them within weeks or days of two years apart.

What is it about this so-called magical age gap that everyone loves?

I think this is covered on page 3 of the Parenting Manual. Did you not read it, OP?

+1. My kids are 4.5 years apart. I guess I'm not everyone. I guess my neighbors who have 4 kids ranging from 8 to 22 are not everyone either, and my friend who is having her second 6 years after her first are atypical as well.

[Anonymous]

I think the 2 year spacing is a product of having a lot of older DC moms not having many fertile years left...my friends in relatives in other countries have kids younger and prefer to have them spaced apart so their bodies can recover and they can dedicate more time to each kid's babyhood.