Bad feeling - listen to it?

[Anonymous]

My "gut" was general anxiety about going back to work that turned into full blown post-partum anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My "gut" was general anxiety about going back to work that turned into full blown post-partum anxiety.

So what did you do about it, PP? I could have written OP's post.

[Anonymous]

Yes, listen to your gut. It doesn't mean that there is anything scary or wrong with the preschool, it just means that you are picking up on a vibe that is not right for you or your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My "gut" was general anxiety about going back to work that turned into full blown post-partum anxiety.

So what did you do about it, PP? I could have written OP's post.

Tried to "tough it out" and then eventually realized that it was a bigger issue and got medication. Still taking it day by day. If not working were a viable choice for my family, I would take some time off, but I am the breadwinner so we can't swing that.

[Anonymous]

Agree listen to your gut. And your husband's gut.

There was a good preschool in Alexandria that I kind of liked - not one of the "best" ones with the long wait lists but a pretty good, new-ish one. Was about to enroll kids but my husband vetoed it - he had a bad feeling.

[Anonymous]

You might be realizing that infant care in a center is not for you. I got on many day care waitlists but after my daughter was born and we enrolled her in a very coveted center, I realized I hated it and she was miserable. It's very very hard for infant daycare providers to do anything beyond meeting the basic needs of infants for feeding and diapering at ratios of 1:3 or 1:4. All of the extra love, stimulation, cuddling, singing, reading, talking, and interaction you want your infant to have they simply do not have time for when they are taking care of 3 or 4 infants all day long. It's unfortunate but it is reality. Infant rooms in centers, even good ones, are just tough, and while nothing is technically wrong with them they often just feel sad with many crying babies, smell of poopy diapers, tired and underpaid teachers, etc. You will probably not get same feeling in a room of toddlers or preschoolers in a good center because by then children are older and benefit from the social interaction and can play independently, with each other, and really benefit more from what high quality a teacher and peers can offer them, etc. But the reality is that young infants in particular don't really benefit from being in a large institutional settings with many babies and multiple caregivers. Developmentally young infants need consistent routines, a calm environment, to develop primary attachment to one caregiver, etc. hard things for centers to provide.

I ended up putting my daughter in a lovely family day care home with a 1:2 ratio and she is far happier, gets a lot more individual attention, and there's only a few other children. Lesson learned for me. I would not put an infant in a large center again if I have a choice for a better ratio for her--i.e. Home daycare or a nanny or nanny share. I have nothing against centers and will certainly enroll her in a toddler or preschool class when she is bigger, but for me infant care in a center just was not working and did not feel right to me. It's okay if you feel the same way and does not mean something is wrong with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree listen to your gut. And your husband's gut.

There was a good preschool in Alexandria that I kind of liked - not one of the "best" ones with the long wait lists but a pretty good, new-ish one. Was about to enroll kids but my husband vetoed it - he had a bad feeling.

it's actually a really good idea to get your DH's feelings as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hmmm....tour a few more. If ALL of them are giving you a "bad feeling," please consider that the issue may be standard jitters about returning to work.

Good idea

+1. Your feeling may have nothing to do with the place you toured.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You might be realizing that infant care in a center is not for you. I got on many day care waitlists but after my daughter was born and we enrolled her in a very coveted center, I realized I hated it and she was miserable. It's very very hard for infant daycare providers to do anything beyond meeting the basic needs of infants for feeding and diapering at ratios of 1:3 or 1:4. All of the extra love, stimulation, cuddling, singing, reading, talking, and interaction you want your infant to have they simply do not have time for when they are taking care of 3 or 4 infants all day long. It's unfortunate but it is reality. Infant rooms in centers, even good ones, are just tough, and while nothing is technically wrong with them they often just feel sad with many crying babies, smell of poopy diapers, tired and underpaid teachers, etc. You will probably not get same feeling in a room of toddlers or preschoolers in a good center because by then children are older and benefit from the social interaction and can play independently, with each other, and really benefit more from what high quality a teacher and peers can offer them, etc. But the reality is that young infants in particular don't really benefit from being in a large institutional settings with many babies and multiple caregivers. Developmentally young infants need consistent routines, a calm environment, to develop primary attachment to one caregiver, etc. hard things for centers to provide.

This post is a bit alarmist, PP. I am an infant teacher in a center and while we have our moments when more babies need attention than we can help at once, most of the time our room is calm, peaceful, and loving. When we do have a lot of children who need something at the same time, we triage and can usually get everyone sorted out within a few minutes. Most of the time, we are able to give our babies plenty of love and attention. Babies, even very young ones, can play independently and doing so can actually be very beneficial. This means that we can give individual attention to the infants that need it, because typically not everyone needs our immediate attention at once. Once we have developed secure attachments, our presence is often enough for them while they play and as long as we are close by, they are content. When they become mobile, they are able to actively seek us out when needed. I know it may seem hard to believe, but I have very strong relationships with all of the babies I care for as do my co-teachers. My point is, while a center may not have worked for you, it is not necessary to imply that all centers are like you describe. We are tired and underpaid, sure, but many of us genuinely love what we do.

OP, that said, absolutely go with your gut. If it doesn't feel right, don't do it. This doesn't mean that no center will be right for you, just that this particular one may not be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You might be realizing that infant care in a center is not for you. I got on many day care waitlists but after my daughter was born and we enrolled her in a very coveted center, I realized I hated it and she was miserable. It's very very hard for infant daycare providers to do anything beyond meeting the basic needs of infants for feeding and diapering at ratios of 1:3 or 1:4. All of the extra love, stimulation, cuddling, singing, reading, talking, and interaction you want your infant to have they simply do not have time for when they are taking care of 3 or 4 infants all day long. It's unfortunate but it is reality. Infant rooms in centers, even good ones, are just tough, and while nothing is technically wrong with them they often just feel sad with many crying babies, smell of poopy diapers, tired and underpaid teachers, etc. You will probably not get same feeling in a room of toddlers or preschoolers in a good center because by then children are older and benefit from the social interaction and can play independently, with each other, and really benefit more from what high quality a teacher and peers can offer them, etc. But the reality is that young infants in particular don't really benefit from being in a large institutional settings with many babies and multiple caregivers. Developmentally young infants need consistent routines, a calm environment, to develop primary attachment to one caregiver, etc. hard things for centers to provide.

This post is a bit alarmist, PP. I am an infant teacher in a center and while we have our moments when more babies need attention than we can help at once, most of the time our room is calm, peaceful, and loving. When we do have a lot of children who need something at the same time, we triage and can usually get everyone sorted out within a few minutes. Most of the time, we are able to give our babies plenty of love and attention. Babies, even very young ones, can play independently and doing so can actually be very beneficial. This means that we can give individual attention to the infants that need it, because typically not everyone needs our immediate attention at once. Once we have developed secure attachments, our presence is often enough for them while they play and as long as we are close by, they are content. When they become mobile, they are able to actively seek us out when needed. I know it may seem hard to believe, but I have very strong relationships with all of the babies I care for as do my co-teachers. My point is, while a center may not have worked for you, it is not necessary to imply that all centers are like you describe. We are tired and underpaid, sure, but many of us genuinely love what we do.

OP, that said, absolutely go with your gut. If it doesn't feel right, don't do it. This doesn't mean that no center will be right for you, just that this particular one may not be.

I actually don't think I'm alarmist. I worked in ECE for nearly 10 years and this was the consensus many of my colleagues had, even ones who had experience as infant teachers and running daycare centers. There is also a huge difference between a non-mobile infant at a few weeks or months old and an older mobile infant and their ability to self-soothe and entertain themselves and what their needs are. It sounds like you are a very caring and dedicated professional and I commend you for that, but as a parent I toured more than a dozen centers and the infant rooms in most were quite sad with a few exceptions. Ratios make a huge difference and I'm curious what the ratios are for you in your center--do you have 1:3 or better as this makes a huge difference. If you have 4 babies in your care, as a teacher you can only really diaper and feed one baby at a time. It's really a math problem--and the reality is that at a 1:4 ratio each baby will get about a quarter or so of your attention. Some parents are fine with that. Others want more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You might be realizing that infant care in a center is not for you. I got on many day care waitlists but after my daughter was born and we enrolled her in a very coveted center, I realized I hated it and she was miserable. It's very very hard for infant daycare providers to do anything beyond meeting the basic needs of infants for feeding and diapering at ratios of 1:3 or 1:4. All of the extra love, stimulation, cuddling, singing, reading, talking, and interaction you want your infant to have they simply do not have time for when they are taking care of 3 or 4 infants all day long. It's unfortunate but it is reality. Infant rooms in centers, even good ones, are just tough, and while nothing is technically wrong with them they often just feel sad with many crying babies, smell of poopy diapers, tired and underpaid teachers, etc. You will probably not get same feeling in a room of toddlers or preschoolers in a good center because by then children are older and benefit from the social interaction and can play independently, with each other, and really benefit more from what high quality a teacher and peers can offer them, etc. But the reality is that young infants in particular don't really benefit from being in a large institutional settings with many babies and multiple caregivers. Developmentally young infants need consistent routines, a calm environment, to develop primary attachment to one caregiver, etc. hard things for centers to provide.

This post is a bit alarmist, PP. I am an infant teacher in a center and while we have our moments when more babies need attention than we can help at once, most of the time our room is calm, peaceful, and loving. When we do have a lot of children who need something at the same time, we triage and can usually get everyone sorted out within a few minutes. Most of the time, we are able to give our babies plenty of love and attention. Babies, even very young ones, can play independently and doing so can actually be very beneficial. This means that we can give individual attention to the infants that need it, because typically not everyone needs our immediate attention at once. Once we have developed secure attachments, our presence is often enough for them while they play and as long as we are close by, they are content. When they become mobile, they are able to actively seek us out when needed. I know it may seem hard to believe, but I have very strong relationships with all of the babies I care for as do my co-teachers. My point is, while a center may not have worked for you, it is not necessary to imply that all centers are like you describe. We are tired and underpaid, sure, but many of us genuinely love what we do.

OP, that said, absolutely go with your gut. If it doesn't feel right, don't do it. This doesn't mean that no center will be right for you, just that this particular one may not be.

I actually don't think I'm alarmist. I worked in ECE for nearly 10 years and this was the consensus many of my colleagues had, even ones who had experience as infant teachers and running daycare centers. There is also a huge difference between a non-mobile infant at a few weeks or months old and an older mobile infant and their ability to self-soothe and entertain themselves and what their needs are. It sounds like you are a very caring and dedicated professional and I commend you for that, but as a parent I toured more than a dozen centers and the infant rooms in most were quite sad with a few exceptions. Ratios make a huge difference and I'm curious what the ratios are for you in your center--do you have 1:3 or better as this makes a huge difference. If you have 4 babies in your care, as a teacher you can only really diaper and feed one baby at a time. It's really a math problem--and the reality is that at a 1:4 ratio each baby will get about a quarter or so of your attention. Some parents are fine with that. Others want more.

I agree about the Infant rooms- they are depressing. I am also someone who has worked in child care. It doesn't mean they aren't well taken care of. They just don't belong in that type of setting.