Sex without a relationship - FWB question.

[Anonymous]

I've had a few FWB relationships because I've been single for most of my adult life. The best way to do this is to find a person who you think is attractive but completely wrong for you in the long term. For me, that means either a guy who is pretty financially flaky (stability is a thing for me), or a guy who has more conservative beliefs than I do, or someone who wants a very different future from me. (like no kids, or to live in Europe, or to travel 90% of the time for work.) So if you go out on a few dates with someone and realize that you don't see it going anywhere and he doesn't either, that could be the beginning of something sort of great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've had a few FWB relationships because I've been single for most of my adult life. The best way to do this is to find a person who you think is attractive but completely wrong for you in the long term. For me, that means either a guy who is pretty financially flaky (stability is a thing for me), or a guy who has more conservative beliefs than I do, or someone who wants a very different future from me. (like no kids, or to live in Europe, or to travel 90% of the time for work.) So if you go out on a few dates with someone and realize that you don't see it going anywhere and he doesn't either, that could be the beginning of something sort of great.

+1 This is how it happened for me. I did some on line dating and never found my match. One guy I met said within a short time that the computer algorithm must have been screwed up because we had nothing in common. I agreed and we joked about it and then he said "well, there's always sex!" I laughed and said something like I might be game and we went from there. It lasted about six months and then I met a guy I really liked. It was hard to say good bye to my FWB. He was a good guy and a wonderful partner in bed.

[Anonymous]

I have been in several FWB since my divorce in 2011. Timing and emotions play a role, however if there are clear lines established, it usually will work. That being said, since you are just coming out of a relationship I would advise you find yourself first before jumping into bed. My experience is those woman who are recently separated are an emotional wreck which comes out during pillow talk.

[Anonymous]

I am in the same boat, and there doesn't seem to be much in the way of separated/divorced dating sites, although I suppose Tinder is an option but not great if you don't want to be posting pics. If you aren't adverse to adventure, a DC "lifestyle" club just reopened and welcomes single women in addition to couples. If you get over any trepidation about going, my bet is that it would do the trick and you would be pleasantly surprised. (But, I haven't been to it.) www.cruciblelifestyle.com

[michaeljohn]

I posted the above and forgot to mention that the location is primarily used for the BDSM community, but the swinger club is a separate thing that uses the space.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've had a few FWB relationships because I've been single for most of my adult life. The best way to do this is to find a person who you think is attractive but completely wrong for you in the long term. For me, that means either a guy who is pretty financially flaky (stability is a thing for me), or a guy who has more conservative beliefs than I do, or someone who wants a very different future from me. (like no kids, or to live in Europe, or to travel 90% of the time for work.) So if you go out on a few dates with someone and realize that you don't see it going anywhere and he doesn't either, that could be the beginning of something sort of great.

Except for the whole "spending time and energy on the wrong guy" thing.

You've noticed the connection between "I've been single for most of my adult life" and "I keep dating guys who are wrong for me and the relationship has no future", right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've had a few FWB relationships because I've been single for most of my adult life. The best way to do this is to find a person who you think is attractive but completely wrong for you in the long term. For me, that means either a guy who is pretty financially flaky (stability is a thing for me), or a guy who has more conservative beliefs than I do, or someone who wants a very different future from me. (like no kids, or to live in Europe, or to travel 90% of the time for work.) So if you go out on a few dates with someone and realize that you don't see it going anywhere and he doesn't either, that could be the beginning of something sort of great.

Except for the whole "spending time and energy on the wrong guy" thing.

You've noticed the connection between "I've been single for most of my adult life" and "I keep dating guys who are wrong for me and the relationship has no future", right?

I didn't read it that way at all, my take is that the PP prefers the way they are doing it. Sex without all the baggage. I'm right there with them. Single by choice is still something many people do (although it seems as though the DCUM crowd is all about finding a "quality executive man"). With a FWB situation there's not much time and energy spent on anything but the sex. So actually the PP is conserving time and energy she could be using for things that are more important to her than a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've had a few FWB relationships because I've been single for most of my adult life. The best way to do this is to find a person who you think is attractive but completely wrong for you in the long term. For me, that means either a guy who is pretty financially flaky (stability is a thing for me), or a guy who has more conservative beliefs than I do, or someone who wants a very different future from me. (like no kids, or to live in Europe, or to travel 90% of the time for work.) So if you go out on a few dates with someone and realize that you don't see it going anywhere and he doesn't either, that could be the beginning of something sort of great.

Except for the whole "spending time and energy on the wrong guy" thing.

You've noticed the connection between "I've been single for most of my adult life" and "I keep dating guys who are wrong for me and the relationship has no future", right?

I didn't read it that way at all, my take is that the PP prefers the way they are doing it. Sex without all the baggage. I'm right there with them. Single by choice is still something many people do (although it seems as though the DCUM crowd is all about finding a "quality executive man"). With a FWB situation there's not much time and energy spent on anything but the sex. So actually the PP is conserving time and energy she could be using for things that are more important to her than a relationship.

And whens he hits 40 she'll have had lots of fun, but won't have a husband or children. Ooops! But wait, that's when she can unfreeze her eggs, yay!

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't recommend this. Someone always gets feelings--you or he.

I was in a fairly long-term FWB situation when I was in my 20s/30s. I told myself it was just sex...but at the same time I wasn't as active re: looking for someone I was serious about because of my FWB.

Sleeping with someone long-term is a relationship. No matter what you want to call it.