Do you find it amusing to talk to your new mom-to-be friends?

[Anonymous]

OP here -

Just had an amusing thought after talking to a friend. Thanks to the posters who "got it" and found the humor in their own lives.

To the last few posters who didn't get it, if you read my post you would see how happy I was for my friend, reminicing about the bliss of that first pregnancy, etc.

Nothing else going on - no smugness, no "she should no better" or even "she will learn." I SAID she will likely get the natural childbirth she wishes for given her thorough preparation. The other stuff was just my personality - thinking I would make all my own baby food, then realizing life gets in the way. Ha ha. Isn't that funny.

Just sharing some humor people!!! You don't have to call me smug or try to make me feel like a bad friend. I'm neither.

[Anonymous]

This is funny and true. It's so easy to say "I would NEVER do that to my kids"

My list:

Give a pacifier
Let her watch TV before age 2 (ha)
Let her go 2 days without any non-hidden fruits or vegetables (as if I had a choice)

But don't forget that there are actually people who make it through a med-free childbirth, breastfeed their kids till 2, make their own organic baby food and manage to cloth diaper. There may be other things that they can't manage to do, but just because you didn't do them, doesn't mean no one can

[Anonymous]

to the OP - I'm not trying to be snarky, but yes, I agreed with the smug comment.

Only because you made it seem the joke was her. Rather than wording it better/differently that you're laughing at your own choices given an experienced perspective.

You're most recent post here was a very different tone than the first - and yes, in that perspective - funny.

I'll add this thought - go to a baby shower. The loudest moms with advice are the ones with a year old or younger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a mom-to-be and don't think it's smug necessarily, and the OP didn't come off that way to me. No different than looking at today's teenagers and saying "ah wait, you will understand once you're grown up."

But, don't dash our naivete! If we don't come across as arrogant know-it-all's, let me have my fantasy's of a perfect newborn who sleeps through the night, never gets sick, EBF until I'm ready to feed him homegrown organic vegetables that I raised myself.

I always bite my tongue and let the mom-to-be continue on in her little world. Because hey, as others have pointed out - you could actually end up being one of those moms who does do everything you think you are going to do. You could have the baby that sleeps at night the first day home from the hospital. Who am I to tell you it won't happen.

- signed - Mom who said she'd never let her child eat just crackers for a snack and has now let her son eat crackers for every meal one day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I'll add this thought - go to a baby shower. The loudest moms with advice are the ones with a year old or younger.

I think that's 'cause they're the only ones who can remember it well enough to give real, practical advice. My DD is only 20 months, but I'm already at the 'how do things work with a newborn again?' point. I think my brain has a limited capacity for parenting knowledge, and the newborn stuff all got pushed out by toddler stuff

But I am curious from reading this stuff about the pregnancy-fantasy aspect. I don't try to 'burst' anyone's bubble, but I do try to be honest with expecting Moms about the hard / difficult parts of being a parent. Because I think the things that were actually emotionally toughest for me were with things I was expecting to be easier (breastfeeding anyone?). And I was very grateful to the friends who had been blunt and told be about the difficult emotional and physical journey to becoming a mother so that I didn't feel quite as blindsided by it all.

[Anonymous]

9:54 here. I agree that I'm tremendously lucky to have friends who offer me advice and insights to help prepare me for the "real" realities of having a baby! And I'm glad that in exchange they can get a chuckle or two out of my innocence.

I do think there's a difference between that and the nay-sayers who immediately jump on you with the "that will NEVER happen, dearie" comments. Just last week I told a family member that i was planning/hoping/preparing for a natural childbirth. Her immediate response was "don't get your hopes up. Every woman in our family has had a c-section, so don't be disappointed when you have one too." I was so ticked off. Yes, I understand that things might happen but that doesn't mean I can't plan for the delivery I want. But does that mean I shouldn't work towards my ideal outcome?

So, advise me. Offer me insights. Tease me about my plans to be back in my pre-pregnancy jeans within a month of giving birth. But, don't shoot me down when there are things that I have truly given thought to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:to the OP - I'm not trying to be snarky, but yes, I agreed with the smug comment.

Only because you made it seem the joke was her. Rather than wording it better/differently that you're laughing at your own choices given an experienced perspective.

You're most recent post here was a very different tone than the first - and yes, in that perspective - funny.

I'll add this thought - go to a baby shower. The loudest moms with advice are the ones with a year old or younger.

I'm sorry I can't let this go. Maybe our interpretation of the word smug is different. My whole post was laughing at myself and my naivete. More about myself than my friend, who I said again and again, will probably have things go exactly as she is planning given her hard work to prep for a natural childbirth.

I just hate that some posters think my support and love for my friend and what I thought was a funny story is basically negative. To me smug means - "HAH. YOU WILL FAIL." As in being smugly satistied. And that is not true. I just read the post AGAIN and I'm just not seeing it.

Again, thanks to the posters who voiced their "I can relate!" stories, which was my whole point of posting - to feel a sense of community since my pregnant friend lives across the country from me.

[Anonymous]

12:58 here.

"But it is sooo funny to hear her go on about the natural childbirth. "

Your first post had several comments like this one that COULD be taken as "smug" Again your 12:25 post had a completely different tone and much more of one that laughed at YOURSELF not your friend. That's all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:9:54 here. I agree that I'm tremendously lucky to have friends who offer me advice and insights to help prepare me for the "real" realities of having a baby! And I'm glad that in exchange they can get a chuckle or two out of my innocence.

I do think there's a difference between that and the nay-sayers who immediately jump on you with the "that will NEVER happen, dearie" comments. Just last week I told a family member that i was planning/hoping/preparing for a natural childbirth. Her immediate response was "don't get your hopes up. Every woman in our family has had a c-section, so don't be disappointed when you have one too." I was so ticked off. Yes, I understand that things might happen but that doesn't mean I can't plan for the delivery I want. But does that mean I shouldn't work towards my ideal outcome?

So, advise me. Offer me insights. Tease me about my plans to be back in my pre-pregnancy jeans within a month of giving birth. But, don't shoot me down when there are things that I have truly given thought to.

Yeah, that's infuriating (about the person saying it will never happen). Everyone should have the opportunity to plan for things - I was lucky in that no one tried to crap on my drug-free birth plans, which is why I would never be anything but supportive to my friend - you need support, not doom and gloom. I got a few, don't be afraid to get the epidural! but no one was adamently trying to talk me out of going natural too.

The only thing that really pissed me off were people telling me about the daycare/childcare situation. It was all doom and gloom. Turns out a month after having the baby my husband's company opened up a Bright Horizons onsite, and we got in. In the meantime we had found a great home care provider on the recommendation of a good friend. So it turned out to be fine, but a few people did regale with me with horror stories about needing to get on wait lists before you concieved, etc. I learned my lesson and am always positive about the childcare process, because most moms to be who will be working do get stressed about it, and it usually does work out in the end.

[Anonymous]

You know, as a young mom with three kids, I always allow first-time pregnant women to prattle on about their hopes and dreams...it is their time, they should have it. If they ask for tips or reality, I may gently offer it, but I have learned that people REALLY need to walk their own paths.

I have had some very good friends who were ONLY planning on natural childbirth, BFing, etc and I would GENTLY steer them toward the numbers of Csection rates and looking at bottles, etc. as JUST IN CASE stuff. A lot of friends have ended up being grateful, b/c they were not as blindsided by the surgery.

I like to watch newly pregnant women bask in joy and hope, and frankly, that blessed ignorance that comes with no experience in something. It reminds me of how special it was and STILL is, and I would never take joy in ruining it.

I DON'T think the OP was trying to be smug or mean, but I can how people would read it that way, esp, if they have some smug people in their lives!

[Anonymous]

OP, here's a hard lesson to you about posting on an internet board:

People are going to think what they think of what you wrote. The instant you hit "submit," you lose control of that.

Personally I found your post neither humorous nor smug, so I suppose I'm in between you and some others.

Some saw smugness.

You apparently intended humor.

There's no use in arguing with someone about how you come off. You come off how people perceive you.

If that's hard to understand, this kind of board is going to be frustrating for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, here's a hard lesson to you about posting on an internet board:

People are going to think what they think of what you wrote. The instant you hit "submit," you lose control of that.

Personally I found your post neither humorous nor smug, so I suppose I'm in between you and some others.

Some saw smugness.

You apparently intended humor.

There's no use in arguing with someone about how you come off. You come off how people perceive you.

If that's hard to understand, this kind of board is going to be frustrating for you.

There's also the fact that posters on this board, generally, won't give you the generous reading. Between choosing to see humor or smugness in your post, most will choose smugness and go after you for it. Oh, and then spend three more pages discussing that, not whether you had a point or not.

All that said, I agree with the OP. I've been there, and I'm on the other side now. I find myself smiling indulgently at my mom-to-be friends. Ah, the grand plans I laid before the baby came along! (And I did make all the baby's food, breastfeed to 20 months, use cloth diapers. But in my pre-baby days, I did think it'd all much easier.) On the other hand, I have #2 on the way, and I'm getting the same smiles from my friends already in that boat. I think it's perfectly natural.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's nice to feel so smug, isn't it?

OP: I definitely know what you're saying, and it has nothing to do with feeling smug! I had all these ideals and really struggled (internally) when they didn't come to fruition. I'm glad that I can look back now and sort of laugh at those things! It's funny, I had my first child without any pain meds, but I had an epi with my second - who knew that an epi would feel so wonderful?!? I felt duped! LOL!

[Anonymous]

I get it. However, I did a lot of those things. I still breastfeed at 14 months, I never supplemented. I've never done jarred baby food either. 80% organic food. I planned all of those things while I was pregnant. I got a lot of people saying, "Just you wait," and it was SO annoying! I really felt like people were rooting for my failure! Its good to have ideals. We're starting with Sesame Street at our house. I never thought I'd do TV before 2. Stuff happens, and someone saying to me "just you wait" wouldn't have helped me come to that conclusion.

I WILL add though, that I totally thought the same way regarding a close pregnant friend recently. Being blessed myself with a super colicky baby that didn't sleep through the night until 12 months, I bit my tongue when she said she thought she'd have it under control because she read The Happiest Baby on the Block and that she and her sister were apparently happy babies. It totally bit me in the ass because her baby is the sweetest happiest little thing on this planet and has STTN since 6 weeks. I'm happy for her.