Your BIL ( sister's husband) says something offensive towards you how do handle it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, are you the poster who posted recently about her BIL making fun of the fact that you're single and because of how you dress/look assumed you were a lesbian.

Yes that's me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, are you the poster who posted recently about her BIL making fun of the fact that you're single and because of how you dress/look assumed you were a lesbian.

I wonder this as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, are you the poster who posted recently about her BIL making fun of the fact that you're single and because of how you dress/look assumed you were a lesbian.

Yes that's me.

So did something new happen since your last post?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, are you the poster who posted recently about her BIL making fun of the fact that you're single and because of how you dress/look assumed you were a lesbian.

Yes that's me.

So did something new happen since your last post?

Not as bad as that. Just general insisting on having family time, but then acting like I' being a huge jerk when I decline. As a pp mentioned I don't want to be the cause of splitting the family up, but I really can't handle being treated badly anymore. Trying to figure out away to balance everything.

[Anonymous]

So I went through something similar only the offending party was my sister. I responded by limiting the time I spent around her to holidays and kids events where lots of non-family would be there (she curtailed her crappy behavior in front of others outside the family as she is very image conscious). It was so nice not having her nastiness in my life and strangely, after a year and a half of distance, her behavior had really changed. She treats me with way more respect now and we can actually enjoy each other's company so I don't need to limit my exposure to her anymore. A part of me is always a bit on guard, though, and prepared to put up the boundaries again if she regresses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, are you the poster who posted recently about her BIL making fun of the fact that you're single and because of how you dress/look assumed you were a lesbian.

Yes that's me.

So did something new happen since your last post?

Not as bad as that. Just general insisting on having family time, but then acting like I' being a huge jerk when I decline. As a pp mentioned I don't want to be the cause of splitting the family up, but I really can't handle being treated badly anymore. Trying to figure out away to balance everything.

I think taking the advice of the posters on this thread and your last one would be immensely helpful. You have A LOT of resentment (probably deserved) toward your sister and parents. The BIL is not the root of the problem, he's the icing on the cake. A good therapist will help you develop the coping skills to participate in family gatherings without letting the behavior of others get to you OR be at peace with not being around them.

[Anonymous]

Tell your mom, dad and sister at a "neutral" time (non-holiday, when he's not around, phone call or e-mail would be fine) that you are no longer willing to be around BIL if he is rude and insulting to you. Tell them you love and value your family, but you are not willing to put up with his harmful behavior any longer. Show up to family events, even if he is there, but if he says or does anything, leave immediately.

[Anonymous]

Can someone please link the original thread? I think it will help with the advice I give to OP.

[Anonymous]

OP, who is insisting on family time? Who says you're a jerk for declining the invite?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, who is insisting on family time? Who says you're a jerk for declining the invite?

OP here. They are my sister and her husband and other sister.

[Anonymous]

OP again,

I'm trying to work out a way to find a counselor to help with all this. I'm underemployed at the moment and don't have insurance.

Yesterday I ended up keeping my distance during 4th of July and today it's nothing but texts about " You still seem upset. I don't know why or what I can do?" Which isn't true because I told them why I was upset, that I would be keeping my distance.

I'm not sure how to respond to this?

Just ignore.

[Anonymous]

You're supposed to get over it. And come back around for more.

If you can block sister's texts, do it for a week or two so you can get a mental break from her.

[Anonymous]

Where's the "shoot him" poster when you need her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again,

I'm trying to work out a way to find a counselor to help with all this. I'm underemployed at the moment and don't have insurance.

Yesterday I ended up keeping my distance during 4th of July and today it's nothing but texts about " You still seem upset. I don't know why or what I can do?" Which isn't true because I told them why I was upset, that I would be keeping my distance.

I'm not sure how to respond to this?

Just ignore.

What they mean by "why" is that they don't agree that you should be upset.

I would just say directly that you'd prefer to have less contact with them because you obviously have different values, and you won't be engaging about it anymore.

[Anonymous]

Pp here. I thought of a great response that I would have said when it happened:

"Yeah, I'm single because I'm the one with standards."