Because of a statement, mom doesn't want me in her life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I'd back off for a couple of weeks. No calls. Let her have her space. Then I'd write a letter explaining how sad you are that SHE has chosen to cut off her relationship with you and her grandchildren. You can share that she raised you to be a caring, thoughtful and independent thinker. Just as you support different opinions and perspectives, you would hope that she can do the same. Share that the door will always be open to a loving relationship and that it's her choice right now.

Thank you. This is very helpful advice. What I also struggle with, is that she has said things to my kids like, "Your mother fell out of the church, and hopefully God will forgive her. If not, she has made her path. Some of us are destined for hell." That is too much for little people to comprehend, especially when we are trying to explain a benevolent being to the kids.

It is exasperating, and quite frankly, I don't know if she is someone we need in our lives right now.

Why are you giving her access to your kids if she's saying stuff like that?! That's completely damaging for them to hear, they don't need to be worried about their mother going to hell. I agree with PP that it's abusive and abusive grandparents don't get to see the kids.

Huh? I'm generally on OP's side, but how is it damaging to hear they're going to hell if the family doesn't even believe in hell? It's not abusive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is hurting and feeling like a failure. By you not believing she has let God down because you are her child and she is responsible for your faith. By you not believing she is at risk of not going to heaven. Think about it from her perspective. She had 1 thing to do in life right and she failed.

OP. I have been trying to see it from her perspective. And I have been loving and kind to her. I don't know how I feel about "she had 1 thing to do in life and she failed." We are all good people.

It's not about being a good person. That won't get you into heaven. You need to be a good person AND believe in and worship God. She has failed you as a mother in that regard. That is a tough thing to get over. I probably wouldn't forgive myself or you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is hurting and feeling like a failure. By you not believing she has let God down because you are her child and she is responsible for your faith. By you not believing she is at risk of not going to heaven. Think about it from her perspective. She had 1 thing to do in life right and she failed.

OP. I have been trying to see it from her perspective. And I have been loving and kind to her. I don't know how I feel about "she had 1 thing to do in life and she failed." We are all good people.

It's not about being a good person. That won't get you into heaven. You need to be a good person AND believe in and worship God. She has failed you as a mother in that regard. That is a tough thing to get over. I probably wouldn't forgive myself or you.

I'm sorry, do you mean to say a mother has failed if her child choose not to believe the same thing she does? Is that really your definition of "good" motherhood?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is hurting and feeling like a failure. By you not believing she has let God down because you are her child and she is responsible for your faith. By you not believing she is at risk of not going to heaven. Think about it from her perspective. She had 1 thing to do in life right and she failed.

OP. I have been trying to see it from her perspective. And I have been loving and kind to her. I don't know how I feel about "she had 1 thing to do in life and she failed." We are all good people.

It's not about being a good person. That won't get you into heaven. You need to be a good person AND believe in and worship God. She has failed you as a mother in that regard. That is a tough thing to get over. I probably wouldn't forgive myself or you.

Wow, I'd think I was a failure as a parent if my adult child didn't question and think for herself.

[Anonymous]

1. You did nothing wrong.
2. Your mother is extremely rude and should apologize.
3. Please leave her alone, and don't lift a finger.

But WHY THE HECK DID YOU TELL HER THIS?
So much easier to keep one's mouth shut, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is hurting and feeling like a failure. By you not believing she has let God down because you are her child and she is responsible for your faith. By you not believing she is at risk of not going to heaven. Think about it from her perspective. She had 1 thing to do in life right and she failed.

OP. I have been trying to see it from her perspective. And I have been loving and kind to her. I don't know how I feel about "she had 1 thing to do in life and she failed." We are all good people.

It's not about being a good person. That won't get you into heaven. You need to be a good person AND believe in and worship God. She has failed you as a mother in that regard. That is a tough thing to get over. I probably wouldn't forgive myself or you.

Hold on. Isn't forgiveness a Christian value? How could you not forgive your child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
1. You did nothing wrong.
2. Your mother is extremely rude and should apologize.
3. Please leave her alone, and don't lift a finger.

But WHY THE HECK DID YOU TELL HER THIS?
So much easier to keep one's mouth shut, OP.

OP here. She asked why I don't attend services with my husband and children. She asked if I believed Jesus Christ was my savior and I told her the truth. There it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is hurting and feeling like a failure. By you not believing she has let God down because you are her child and she is responsible for your faith. By you not believing she is at risk of not going to heaven. Think about it from her perspective. She had 1 thing to do in life right and she failed.

OP. I have been trying to see it from her perspective. And I have been loving and kind to her. I don't know how I feel about "she had 1 thing to do in life and she failed." We are all good people.

It's not about being a good person. That won't get you into heaven. You need to be a good person AND believe in and worship God. She has failed you as a mother in that regard. That is a tough thing to get over. I probably wouldn't forgive myself or you.

Hold on. Isn't forgiveness a Christian value? How could you not forgive your child?

OP isn't a Christian. Her mother can forgive her for denying God all day long, but it's not her mother's forgiveness OP's mother thinks OP needs (sorry for the clunkiness...trying to avoid "her").