Help--DH depressed after baby

[Anonymous]

This happened to DH (even though he was a very involved dad).

He went to a therapist and realized he had some issues stemming from his parents and now that he was a parent, these issues were coming out and he was having a hard time dealing with them.

Therapy was wonderful for him.

[Anonymous]

Is nursing going okay? If so, continue. Are you having a difficult time and piling on him throughout the day with texts and as soon as he walks in the door? Remember that he is working too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a father of three now and I have a ton of sympathy for your husband. I remember one Sunday afternoon thinking "I've never been this tired in my entire life, and if I had been, I would have just gone to bed early and the problem will be solved by morning. Instead, I will feel like this for the next six months."

And, yes, it was way worse for my wife.

It will get better. I think that's the main reason why newborns are the most difficult, as it's almost impossible to imagine at the time.

This was our reason for sleep training... things were going downhill fast and we were getting so that we couldn't function driving or working. It worked like a charm and baby never woke up again at night. I felt like a new person after sleeping through the night.

We sleep-trained too, but eight weeks is far too early.

[Anonymous]

It's too early for sleep training, but this is definitely often the worst time. You're at peak fussiness, and peak exhaustion, and it seems endless.

This will end, and sooner than you think. If you are really struggling, one or both of you might well benefit from therapy/meds.

[Anonymous]

Not to be cruel but he needs to suck it up! All first time fathers go through this to varying degrees. It's a new world for both parents and he's trying to figure out his role. There's a ton of things he can do to help you around the house and with the baby. He just needs to do it. With the weather getting warmer out put the baby in a stroller and let him go for a long walk. Tell him one baby in the house is enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not to be cruel but he needs to suck it up! All first time fathers go through this to varying degrees. It's a new world for both parents and he's trying to figure out his role. There's a ton of things he can do to help you around the house and with the baby. He just needs to do it. With the weather getting warmer out put the baby in a stroller and let him go for a long walk. Tell him one baby in the house is enough.

I'm sure you would say this to a woman suffering from post-partum depression/anxiety, right? Can OP's DH tell OP to leave him alone because he's on a conference call/working/what have you?

Yet another piece of evidence that women don't really want to talk about their man's feelings with their man. Rather they want to talk about THEIR feelings with their man.

[Anonymous]

I feel bad for both of you. Can you throw some money at the problem--hire a nanny or nurse to help out? Then get him into therapy, no ifs, ands or buts? If he has one, a PCP could help with a referral. If not, then go to the INOVA walk-in behavioral health clinic.

It will be ok, but I know it's terrible. My brother fell into a terrible depression after his child was born and it's horrible to watch. And your anger and resentment is totally normal and expected and also horrible. You have the same pressures plus the nursing and healing.

I'm sorry. But it can get better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel bad for both of you. Can you throw some money at the problem--hire a nanny or nurse to help out? Then get him into therapy, no ifs, ands or buts? If he has one, a PCP could help with a referral. If not, then go to the INOVA walk-in behavioral health clinic.

It will be ok, but I know it's terrible. My brother fell into a terrible depression after his child was born and it's horrible to watch. And your anger and resentment is totally normal and expected and also horrible. You have the same pressures plus the nursing and healing.

I'm sorry. But it can get better.

Here's the INOVA walk-in clinic:

Inova Psychiatric Assessment Center (IPAC)
https://www.inova.org/healthcare-services/behavioral-health/IPAC#hours

[Anonymous]

You're about to come out of the difficult newborn phase and into the cute baby phase. Tie and knot and hang on. It gets better.