Wives - how involved are you in your husband's career decisions?

[Anonymous]

My husband has been at the same job since I met him, so I'd say not really involved. I would be involved if he wanted to change jobs though because that would directly impact me.

[Anonymous]

A lot. We both have similar backgrounds, MBA's, and spent time in the same industry. He did big corporate for about 15 years then wanted to take an entrepreneurial route. Very risky given our kids were very young and we'd lose all benefits. But I encouraged him knowing that we had built up a cushion. It really paid off as he's been very successful. I don't know where we'd be today if I had tried to block his move. Staying in big corporate would have affected his work happiness and our relationship. But I knew that he was incredibly smart and creative and would find a way to succeed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We talk through any decision that could impact the family (commute, extra hours, a pay adjustment etc).

+1 same here. I've asked about different things like if he was considering grad school or management track and he said no and his reasoning and that was that. I don't think you can push someone into doing something careerwise they either don't want to do or aren't ready to do. It even makes less sense to do so when it would result in me taking on more child related and household duties for something DH was not interested in doing in the first place.

So we basically only talk over things the other person is motivated to do that has could have a negative impact on the whole family like increasing work travel, making less money in a job move, changing to a job with longer commute etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thanks all. I am trying to do less "backseat driving." The reason I do so much backseat driving is because there are a lot of moves involved and I'd like them to stop soon and for us to land somewhere we both want to live. I like a PP, telecommute so that's been a blessing.

It's exhausting to always be riding someone about their career because of my own fear, and I am really trying to back off.

If I were you I would not focus on every little decision but the larger goal of wanting to move less. That's a completely reasonable goal and request. You can talk to him about moving towards that without micromanaging.

This. Also, is it possible because your job is flexible with telecommuting that he takes moving every few years for granted? I know I would have a different mindset if I could just go after any job or take any position with my company regardless of location because my spouse's career is portable and I've been able to have that attitude for the past x years.

[Anonymous]

With the follow-up, OP's situation sounds quite different from mine, but I'll answer anyway.

For the most part - just a sounding board. We work in similar industries (but not exactly the same field), so I can review options and talk through various scenarios with him. But ultimately, most things are his decision.

If something affects the family - extended travel, shift hours, etc - we talk through the impacts and how we'll address them before he makes a decision.

Same goes for his involvement in my career, btw.

[Anonymous]

I'm pretty involved in that I support and encourage DH to do what he wants to do. That being said, my DH is very skilled and a bit of a workaholic so what I tend to do is tell him to follow his heart. This has led to some "beneath his station" (not my idea, but society's) jobs that were interesting to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We talk through any decision that could impact the family (commute, extra hours, a pay adjustment etc).

Other than that he's am adult

This too - and we do the same with my job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We talk through any decision that could impact the family (commute, extra hours, a pay adjustment etc).

Other than that he's am adult

This too - and we do the same with my job.

This - we walk about any new job possibilities and how it will impact all us. I don't get involved with job search or anything about his job except maybe to find him a training or help plan travel. I do get involved with benefits yearly.

[Anonymous]

In 18 yeara together DH has had 4 jobs so not much for me to get involved with. Last 2 jobs were in thr last 4 years. Only tging I i get involved with is commute. I put my foot down when it comes to a big commute and no telewoek, not worh it. We have kids and they need a dad who is present. DH is an excellent very hands on father, so that is not a sacrifice i will accept. I also work, so it is easier to have options when all hands are on deck in terms of income and retirement/college savings.

[Anonymous]

Very involved. He's a defense contractor and we have an llc for his work. I handle all the invoicing, contracts, insurance, etc on top of my own job. If he drops a contract or takes on a new one, it's a mutual decision.

[Anonymous]

Very. He tells me everything business related and has asked for my opinion/input more times that I can count. He's the founder and CEO of a specialty IT company but is terrible at making decisions....more of an idea man. He's absolutely brilliant but not always sure of the next step.

[Anonymous]

zero

He knows what's best for him, me. I was glad he turned down a North Dakota move. It meant quite a bit more money but he hates the cold.

[Anonymous]

Well at one point I had a super job here and he had to do a regional job search. He landed one that turned out to be superb- mentors, now part owner, ok hours.

Now I need to move for my cottage industry but am not; I downshifted and am trying to restructure an archaic company now.

[Anonymous]

I'm involved in his decision regarding when he will retire. He is a LEO, and has the option to retire this year, or stay on longer. We discuss these things together, because the decision impacts both of our lives.

[Anonymous]

I don't get involved in every little decision he makes, but if he wanted to switch jobs, it would be a conversation and he wouldn't do it unless I thought it made sense, too. This same standard applies to my career.