Staying with grandparents in empty house

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, if your parents have been this slow about the renovation, what makes you think they will willingly accept your selections of furniture? They seem to suffer from decision paralysis.
Also, they don't seem to be able to mange/handle contractors. I wonder how much $$$ they've given contractors that are "ruining" or "taking" furniture through "misunderstandings"?
I know you want advice about your upcoming visit, but I really think you need to look at the big picture here.
Everything you are describing is highly odd. I think you need to ask yourself if it's appropriate for your parents to be living on their own in a house.

I would be more concerned about contractors taking advantage of them at their age if the same stuff hadn't happened before when they were younger and definitely of sound mind. Their sofa set was ruined during their last reno 15 years ago when they were in their 50s and my dad has always been a little weird about letting people take stuff without giving it a second thought. It bothers my mom, but once it's done, she will not try to get it back because of appearances.

I do hear what you're saying about my parents', primarily my dad's, odd decisions. My dad is something of an egomaniac (not sure if this is the correct term) and spends money like he has another 40 years of life ahead of him. I think that is part of the issue; he does not want to face getting old. He should be saving and investing conservatively for their twilight years, but instead buys and renovates a nice house and continues to make what I think are risky investments. He is of sound mind legally so there is not much I can do about it.

[Anonymous]

I would not go. We went to visit my mom when she was half way through a kitchen Reno and it was hellish. Learn from my and your previous mistakes!

[Anonymous]

I obviously don't know what is happening, but seems like a combination of some OCD and having no money. OP, are your parents having financial struggles? If not, this sounds like something my FIL did, and he did it while his kids were young. Ripped the whole carpet because he was ticked off about dogs and the messy carpet and got rid of all the furniture because it was not nice, later on in life and had nothing for years. DH grew up never having friend unless they were biking around. It was some controlling behavior on his part. He is a widower now and refuses to have any food in his house or his fridge. It truly makes his nuts. He is far away, so not our concern, but certainly it might be time for an honest conversation and look at your parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to have a root causes discussion with him.

Seriously. Is this a money issue, a cleaning issue, a summer home/winter home thing, marital fight, so on and so forth:

Airbnb and state it is for your safety and comfort. Or you should all meet up at a vacation destination.

[Anonymous]

Hotel or cancel the trip.

[Anonymous]

So there is so much dust that they don't want to buy furniture, it is loud, you had back problems due to sitting in folding chairs during last visit. Got it.

Yet you don't want to cancel (WTF?) or stay some place else.

Really OP? You shouldn't subject your child or husband to this. Leave them home and you "vacation" in this very weird situation.

[Anonymous]

Stay in a hotel, OP. Meanwhile, think about whether your parents are starting to slip cognitively. Executive function, the ability to plan and carry out tasks and projects, often starts to diminish at their age.

[Anonymous]

This is so weird.

Where do they SIT in their house?!

[Anonymous]

How does DD deal with grandparents and vice versa? I maybe an outlier here (or maybe cause I'm a relatively young parent with no literal ache and pains with my body yet) but I guess you'll have to suck it up. Our parents won't really live forever and perhaps you should also give them the best experience for them as possible as well. I know they're the host but at the end of the day I hope them having a bare house would not be the first thing you think of them.

However.....if grandparents and DD and you don't get along....there's no point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. They have some furniture, like a bed and dresser in their bedroom, but nothing like sofas for the living room. My parents moved into this house a couple years ago and have been getting the Slowest Renovation Ever. They brought over their sofa set from their old house, but according to my mom, the workers ruined it somehow, like maybe left it in the backyard and it got rained on? Not sure. Then there was some "misunderstanding" where the head contractor took their whole dining set (they were going to donate it, anyway) and they were too embarrassed to ask for it back. My parents do like furniture (haha, that made me chuckle), but my mom says they haven't been able to take care of one thing that will cause a lot of dust and she doesn't want to buy any furniture until it's done. Which at this rate, I'm keeping fingers crossed it'll happen before Christmas...

I don't want to stay in a hotel and looking at IKEA prices, it'll actually be cheaper for me to buy them an IKEA sofa, a couple easy chairs and rugs than to stay in one. Not sure how to deal with the echo, though, their ceilings are really high.

Just stay in a hotel. It makes no sense to buy them furniture because it takes time for it to be delivered and they won't want you to pick out their furniture.

You should look into the contractor thing. It strange that the contractor ruined furniture and took some of it. It sounds like they are being taken advantage of.

[Anonymous]

This is OP. Thanks everyone for the replies. Update is I spoke with mom and she accepted my offer to buy them some cheap furniture, but asked shouldn't she pick it out herself...? Which is opening a whole other can of worms as she is really indecisive and slow, but I told her OK, I will send you a few options and you let me know by Friday, otherwise I'm picking things out myself. Then this weekend, my brother who lives close by will go to IKEA to buy the furniture and probably assemble it himself.

To respond to more recent posters: my parents have a little furniture, but in their own rooms (e.g., dad's home office). None of it is suitable for the common areas, though, such as an office chair. My parents and I get along fine and DD's toddler self loves spending time with them so I would much rather we stay with them and I think the few sticks of furniture we get will make a huge difference to our (and their!) comfort. Several posters have expressed concern about my parents' cognitive function. I think they're okay right now, but it is probably in decline. It's very frustrating to me to hear about their experiences with their contractors because whether it has to do with their cognitive function or not, they are getting taken advantage of. I wish I lived close by because I would help them out A LOT (and happily), but there's hardly anything I can do from this distance. My brother is close to them (relationship and distance-wise) so I will broach this with him and ask him to keep an eye out for cognitive issues.

[Anonymous]

Has she always been indecisive and slow? That right there is an indicator of cognitive decline.

Bring your kids a big yoga ball, an empty house will be so fun for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has she always been indecisive and slow? That right there is an indicator of cognitive decline.

Bring your kids a big yoga ball, an empty house will be so fun for that.

Yes, always. I unfortunately inherited that trait from her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, if your parents have been this slow about the renovation, what makes you think they will willingly accept your selections of furniture? They seem to suffer from decision paralysis.
Also, they don't seem to be able to mange/handle contractors. I wonder how much $$$ they've given contractors that are "ruining" or "taking" furniture through "misunderstandings"?
I know you want advice about your upcoming visit, but I really think you need to look at the big picture here.
Everything you are describing is highly odd. I think you need to ask yourself if it's appropriate for your parents to be living on their own in a house.

I think you should look into whether they are being taken advantage of, and what remedies are available to them. It sounds like elder abuse to me. This is not normal.

A visit to the Dr while you're visiting also may be in order. And maybe a lawyer too.

[Anonymous]

Quick question OP: have you alr day started this prevents and pattern of buying them things they need but refuse to buy for themselves?

In other words, are you enabling them to be overly deo Brent in you for no good reason. No good reason = they have OK money; they are healthy physically mentally; they are perfectly capable of furnishing their house.