I realize how this makes me sound but I can't be the only one..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not about a lack of gratitude for the gifts themselves. It's that they don't want to put the time into thinking about what the child might like. I get it.

It's more thoughtful to recognize that you are not the authority on my child: I am. I just may have a little more inkling as to what they like, what size they wear, and what their interests currently are. It's hubris to suggest otherwise, like the MIL who got the 9yo granddaughter golf clubs. The kid has never picked up a club, demonstrated an interest in golf, nothing. So so strange.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not about a lack of gratitude for the gifts themselves. It's that they don't want to put the time into thinking about what the child might like. I get it.

No, I don't. They're your children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It kind of bugs me because I want other people's ideas, not mine. I also have a hard time with ideas. Sometimes I suggest they get whatever something their kid particularly loved getting at last birthday or holiday.

Yes!! I want others' ideas. That's the crux. - op

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not about a lack of gratitude for the gifts themselves. It's that they don't want to put the time into thinking about what the child might like. I get it.

They are putting the time into thinking about it. And checking with the person who just may be the ultimate authority on the topic: the parent.

[Anonymous]

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It kind of bugs me because I want other people's ideas, not mine. I also have a hard time with ideas. Sometimes I suggest they get whatever something their kid particularly loved getting at last birthday or holiday.

Yes!! I want others' ideas. That's the crux. - op

Then THAT is the crux of the problem: your own lack of ideas. Your difficulty coming up with ideas.

The problem is NOT with others asking you as the parent for some suggestions. That is normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not about a lack of gratitude for the gifts themselves. It's that they don't want to put the time into thinking about what the child might like. I get it.

It's more thoughtful to recognize that you are not the authority on my child: I am. I just may have a little more inkling as to what they like, what size they wear, and what their interests currently are. It's hubris to suggest otherwise, like the MIL who got the 9yo granddaughter golf clubs. The kid has never picked up a club, demonstrated an interest in golf, nothing. So so strange.

I think it's incredible hubris to assume that no one could get your child an interesting or thoughtful gift unless you selected it.

[Anonymous]

I love it when people ask me!! LOVE it. I know exactly what they'd want and usually other people's gifts fall short. They try but they don't know exactly what my kids like, what characters, sizes, styles, etc.

Even clothes kind of bother me. My kid is always right on the sizes (wore 12 months at exactly 12 months) but people would buy such huge sizes and then the seasons are way off. MIL is obsessed with dd's clothes, but has no idea where to buy them and is upset when her clothes aren't liked as much as my mom's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not about a lack of gratitude for the gifts themselves. It's that they don't want to put the time into thinking about what the child might like. I get it.

It's more thoughtful to recognize that you are not the authority on my child: I am. I just may have a little more inkling as to what they like, what size they wear, and what their interests currently are. It's hubris to suggest otherwise, like the MIL who got the 9yo granddaughter golf clubs. The kid has never picked up a club, demonstrated an interest in golf, nothing. So so strange.

I think it's incredible hubris to assume that no one could get your child an interesting or thoughtful gift unless you selected it.

Where are you going to get your ideas from? Do you live across the country from this child? Do you see them about once or twice a year? Unless you have ESP, not sure how you are going to come up with an idea on your own.

[Anonymous]

I agree OP. I have a (close) family member who literally says "buy the kid something, put my name on it, tell me how much it was and I'll Paypal you." People are largely doing it to make it more convenient for them, not because they want the perfect gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not about a lack of gratitude for the gifts themselves. It's that they don't want to put the time into thinking about what the child might like. I get it.

They are putting the time into thinking about it. And checking with the person who just may be the ultimate authority on the topic: the parent.

How many times have you posted about being 'the authority?' Do you open the kid's gifts first to make sure they're appropriate? You sound nuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It kind of bugs me because I want other people's ideas, not mine. I also have a hard time with ideas. Sometimes I suggest they get whatever something their kid particularly loved getting at last birthday or holiday.

Yes!! I want others' ideas. That's the crux. - op

So OP when they get your kids guns, Barbie dolls, pink plastic tiaras and pink feather boas, don't be mad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I *love* it. Because then I can steer them towards something useful which will not just clutter up our house b/c the kids do not like it. MIL tends to give the kids gifts things that SHE wants them to do (a set of golf clubs for my 9yo who is a competitive pre-professional dancer?) and so many times, I've just been like, "Why didn't you just ASK me what she wants, or could use??" It is a complete puzzle to me.

Agree 100%!!!
My 4 year old's likes dislikes changes frequently. She is no longer into Dora stuff or Peppa Pig stuff. PLEASE ask me what she's into these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree OP. I have a (close) family member who literally says "buy the kid something, put my name on it, tell me how much it was and I'll Paypal you." People are largely doing it to make it more convenient for them, not because they want the perfect gift.

PP's jumping on OP - would this bother you? Same rules - being grateful for any gift, being the 'authority' .... it would DEFINITELY bother me.

[Anonymous]

I used to hate it for the same reasons you do OP. Not only do I have to pick thoughtful gifts for my children from us, their parents, I have to select gifts for both sets of grandparents and aunts and uncles to give all of my children. I might as well order it all on Amazon and have them reimburse me. It is actually a lot of work when you have multiple kids and multiple (5 or so) family members asking.
I realized a few years go I have to get over it and make it work for me. So, every time my kids say they want something I add it to a list on my phone and when it's birthday or Christmas I pair a person with an item and text them the request. My 13 yo DD wants new converse? Her grandparents can buy them for her birthday. If you work it right you don't ever have to buy anything for your kids