Help me help my 5.5 year old

[Anonymous]

None of this sounds like special needs. Very few young five year olds accept responsibility readily for their actions, admit blame, always follow directions, always sit still, always follow through, and never hit and push. So what if he prefers to play by himself?

[Anonymous]

OP, you really shouldn't be alarmed or reassured by people's responses. We don't know your child. All sorts of difficult behaviors are "normal," "typical," and "common" in young kids. Is it a sign of something serious in yours? I think you have to ask yourself is your child struggling more than his peers, is the quantity of negative interactions surprising, is the quality/degree of child's reactions surprising? Does child need some support?

I always think that step one is to support the child and find ways for child to be successful. Your child sounds stressed to me. It may very well be because he is the youngest in the class. Maybe he could use more downtime, more structure, more modeling of expressing his feelings. These are pretty straightforward first-step interventions that don't require or assume any sort of diagnoses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take him to a developmental pediatrician if you have concerns. Seriously nothing you wrote would deeply concern me in the slightest.

He sounds like many kids his age. Honesty, you seem a little naive since you took him to an OT evaluation for hitting when he was a toddler. One, OTs don't diagnose anything and two, that's a pretty typical stage for kids to go through SN or not.

OP here. The OT evals were based on recommendations from his preschool. At the time we did not believe there were sensory issues but we also wanted to work with the preschool and didn't want him to get kicked out. I am not seeking out a diagnosis but we have been told several times that his inability to keep his hands to himself is impeding him socially. Since it's been an ongoing problem, I am wondering if there is an underlying issue.

I am happy to hear that this does not sound concerning.

I can't stand preschools like this. Toddlers and young preschoolers often go through hitting phases and squirminess is part of many kids' natural personalities. Some preschools expect every kid to march in step or there's something wrong with the kid. Ugh. Too rigid.

Truly, OP, I would find a different preschool but I could see why you wouldn't necessarily do this at this point in time. Make sure your kid gets plenty of exercise/physical activity, limit screen time, get enough sleep, and just keep a watchful eye on how he does in K. If you're getting a phone call from the teacher in the first two weeks, there's a problem.

This is OP, I know the original post was long but he is in K now. FWIW we did move him to a different preschool for his last year and didn't see the same issues. He's been in K since September. I'd say we've gotten 3-4 emails all year about "incidents". There's been kind of a perfect storm the past month of reports from school, aftercare, and sunday school which is why I'm asking now...

3-4 emails year again wouldn't concern me. In terms of a perfect storm--everyone can have a bad week. What does your gut tell you? Start with your pediatrician if there's something niggling at the back of your mind. Obviously no one can diagnose your kid over the internet, but I don't really see anything to raise an alarm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, your son sounds like mine--also a young kindergartner who is smart but has impulse control issues. I've gotten called several times regarding him hitting classmates--problems tend to be at school rather than before/after care. He's also somewhat rigid.

Our pediatrician said that all this behavior is very normal for a five year old boy, and that while some of it would be a concern if he was older, she's not concerned and just feels he needs some time.

We're doing a lot of talking about not hitting and what to do when he's frustrated, he has a behavior chart and has seen the guidance counselor at school. And we wait.

This is OP - Thanks for this. I think we're in the same place. Is the behavior chart at school, or do you do it at home based on reports from the school? If we did it at home, I'm wondering if it would truly extinguish the behavior because I think I'm only getting reports of the most egregious incidents.

The behavior chart is at school, established by the teacher and guidance counselor.

Then, if he gets a certain # of smilies, we mark it on a chart at home, and we're working towards a goal of getting pokemon cards once he has a certain number of good days marked on the calendar at home. He'd sort of stalled on improvement until we put in that incentive.

Of course, DS also knows that if we get a call from school about him hitting, there's going to be a consequence at home. Last time, he lost a coveted movie night, which we told him he could watch once he made it through the next week with no calls home.

It's tough--our kid hasn't had many issues before, so this rather came out of the blue. I think school is a big step for a lot of kids, just having to behave all day with no nap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take him to a developmental pediatrician if you have concerns. Seriously nothing you wrote would deeply concern me in the slightest.

He sounds like many kids his age. Honesty, you seem a little naive since you took him to an OT evaluation for hitting when he was a toddler. One, OTs don't diagnose anything and two, that's a pretty typical stage for kids to go through SN or not.

OP here. The OT evals were based on recommendations from his preschool. At the time we did not believe there were sensory issues but we also wanted to work with the preschool and didn't want him to get kicked out. I am not seeking out a diagnosis but we have been told several times that his inability to keep his hands to himself is impeding him socially. Since it's been an ongoing problem, I am wondering if there is an underlying issue.

I am happy to hear that this does not sound concerning.

I can't stand preschools like this. Toddlers and young preschoolers often go through hitting phases and squirminess is part of many kids' natural personalities. Some preschools expect every kid to march in step or there's something wrong with the kid. Ugh. Too rigid.

Truly, OP, I would find a different preschool but I could see why you wouldn't necessarily do this at this point in time. Make sure your kid gets plenty of exercise/physical activity, limit screen time, get enough sleep, and just keep a watchful eye on how he does in K. If you're getting a phone call from the teacher in the first two weeks, there's a problem.

This is OP, I know the original post was long but he is in K now. FWIW we did move him to a different preschool for his last year and didn't see the same issues. He's been in K since September. I'd say we've gotten 3-4 emails all year about "incidents". There's been kind of a perfect storm the past month of reports from school, aftercare, and sunday school which is why I'm asking now...

3-4 emails year again wouldn't concern me. In terms of a perfect storm--everyone can have a bad week. What does your gut tell you? Start with your pediatrician if there's something niggling at the back of your mind. Obviously no one can diagnose your kid over the internet, but I don't really see anything to raise an alarm.

OP here. Thanks to everyone for the thoughtful response.

To address this one specifically... my gut tells me he's a generally normal kindergartner of above average intelligence that could use a nudge in some social skills. However, as of this week he has been officially kicked out of his before/after care, which does not feel like an every day occurrence given that it was for socially unacceptable behavior (hitting) that has come and gone for 3 years. It's easy to say that the before/after care was not a good fit and that's the problem, but I had similar thoughts about his first preschool so there's a trend there. I go back and forth for thinking that I am getting spun up over nothing (especially since his K teacher had not raised major red flags) and feeling an obligation as a parent to get it checked out if there is really an issue.

In some ways I hope the pediatrician says that there's no reason for alarm and DS will grow out of this with appropriate support at home and at school. But, then if the behavior continues we're back to step one and it's frustrating to live on pins and needles that you're going to get a call about an incident.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take him to a developmental pediatrician if you have concerns. Seriously nothing you wrote would deeply concern me in the slightest.

He sounds like many kids his age. Honesty, you seem a little naive since you took him to an OT evaluation for hitting when he was a toddler. One, OTs don't diagnose anything and two, that's a pretty typical stage for kids to go through SN or not.

OP here. The OT evals were based on recommendations from his preschool. At the time we did not believe there were sensory issues but we also wanted to work with the preschool and didn't want him to get kicked out. I am not seeking out a diagnosis but we have been told several times that his inability to keep his hands to himself is impeding him socially. Since it's been an ongoing problem, I am wondering if there is an underlying issue.

I am happy to hear that this does not sound concerning.

I can't stand preschools like this. Toddlers and young preschoolers often go through hitting phases and squirminess is part of many kids' natural personalities. Some preschools expect every kid to march in step or there's something wrong with the kid. Ugh. Too rigid.

Truly, OP, I would find a different preschool but I could see why you wouldn't necessarily do this at this point in time. Make sure your kid gets plenty of exercise/physical activity, limit screen time, get enough sleep, and just keep a watchful eye on how he does in K. If you're getting a phone call from the teacher in the first two weeks, there's a problem.

This is OP, I know the original post was long but he is in K now. FWIW we did move him to a different preschool for his last year and didn't see the same issues. He's been in K since September. I'd say we've gotten 3-4 emails all year about "incidents". There's been kind of a perfect storm the past month of reports from school, aftercare, and sunday school which is why I'm asking now...

3-4 emails year again wouldn't concern me. In terms of a perfect storm--everyone can have a bad week. What does your gut tell you? Start with your pediatrician if there's something niggling at the back of your mind. Obviously no one can diagnose your kid over the internet, but I don't really see anything to raise an alarm.

OP here. Thanks to everyone for the thoughtful response.

To address this one specifically... my gut tells me he's a generally normal kindergartner of above average intelligence that could use a nudge in some social skills. However, as of this week he has been officially kicked out of his before/after care, which does not feel like an every day occurrence given that it was for socially unacceptable behavior (hitting) that has come and gone for 3 years. It's easy to say that the before/after care was not a good fit and that's the problem, but I had similar thoughts about his first preschool so there's a trend there. I go back and forth for thinking that I am getting spun up over nothing (especially since his K teacher had not raised major red flags) and feeling an obligation as a parent to get it checked out if there is really an issue.

In some ways I hope the pediatrician says that there's no reason for alarm and DS will grow out of this with appropriate support at home and at school. But, then if the behavior continues we're back to step one and it's frustrating to live on pins and needles that you're going to get a call about an incident.

I am going to be the voice of dissent here. The fact that he is smart is great but means nothing about special needs, at all. Getting kicked out is a big deal, as you know. I would go get an evaluation for ASD and ADHD/anxiety. He is displaying rigidity and hitting at 5 while it happens is outside the norm and he may get suspended. There has been talk of putting my similar kid who has an IEP in a self contained class for this behavior. Take it seriously. Call KKI or Children's.

[Anonymous]

I'm the PP with a similar kid with a behavior chart--I would definitely talk with the ped after getting kicked out of before/after care.

That sucks, I'm so sorry.

[Anonymous]

Mom of an extremely similar sounding, same age, boy here.

Totally with you on the waffling about whether this is within the range of normal or merits additional intervention. Have gotten consistent "normal but needs emotional intelligence to catch up" from school, pediatrician, psychiatrist but am also dealing w/ a preschool staff that doesn't seem to have the skills (or resources) to manage it.

So I anguish over the uncertainty.

I echo the Ross Greene recommendation. Previously we used a lot of Kazdin's thinking but now that our son is much more verbal and able to think things through Greene's approach has been really helpful.

Good luck OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take him to a developmental pediatrician if you have concerns. Seriously nothing you wrote would deeply concern me in the slightest.

He sounds like many kids his age. Honesty, you seem a little naive since you took him to an OT evaluation for hitting when he was a toddler. One, OTs don't diagnose anything and two, that's a pretty typical stage for kids to go through SN or not.

OP here. The OT evals were based on recommendations from his preschool. At the time we did not believe there were sensory issues but we also wanted to work with the preschool and didn't want him to get kicked out. I am not seeking out a diagnosis but we have been told several times that his inability to keep his hands to himself is impeding him socially. Since it's been an ongoing problem, I am wondering if there is an underlying issue.

I am happy to hear that this does not sound concerning.

I can't stand preschools like this. Toddlers and young preschoolers often go through hitting phases and squirminess is part of many kids' natural personalities. Some preschools expect every kid to march in step or there's something wrong with the kid. Ugh. Too rigid.

Truly, OP, I would find a different preschool but I could see why you wouldn't necessarily do this at this point in time. Make sure your kid gets plenty of exercise/physical activity, limit screen time, get enough sleep, and just keep a watchful eye on how he does in K. If you're getting a phone call from the teacher in the first two weeks, there's a problem.

This. Was this preschool in DuPont circle?

[Anonymous]

He is in k y'all.

[Anonymous]

I would get him evaluated. Getting kicked out before and after care is not common at all. If it was only preschool I wouldn't be as concerned. You don't want to let this go on. He may become socially isolated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take him to a developmental pediatrician if you have concerns. Seriously nothing you wrote would deeply concern me in the slightest.

He sounds like many kids his age. Honesty, you seem a little naive since you took him to an OT evaluation for hitting when he was a toddler. One, OTs don't diagnose anything and two, that's a pretty typical stage for kids to go through SN or not.

OP here. The OT evals were based on recommendations from his preschool. At the time we did not believe there were sensory issues but we also wanted to work with the preschool and didn't want him to get kicked out. I am not seeking out a diagnosis but we have been told several times that his inability to keep his hands to himself is impeding him socially. Since it's been an ongoing problem, I am wondering if there is an underlying issue.

I am happy to hear that this does not sound concerning.

I can't stand preschools like this. Toddlers and young preschoolers often go through hitting phases and squirminess is part of many kids' natural personalities. Some preschools expect every kid to march in step or there's something wrong with the kid. Ugh. Too rigid.

Truly, OP, I would find a different preschool but I could see why you wouldn't necessarily do this at this point in time. Make sure your kid gets plenty of exercise/physical activity, limit screen time, get enough sleep, and just keep a watchful eye on how he does in K. If you're getting a phone call from the teacher in the first two weeks, there's a problem.

This is OP, I know the original post was long but he is in K now. FWIW we did move him to a different preschool for his last year and didn't see the same issues. He's been in K since September. I'd say we've gotten 3-4 emails all year about "incidents". There's been kind of a perfect storm the past month of reports from school, aftercare, and sunday school which is why I'm asking now...

3-4 emails year again wouldn't concern me. In terms of a perfect storm--everyone can have a bad week. What does your gut tell you? Start with your pediatrician if there's something niggling at the back of your mind. Obviously no one can diagnose your kid over the internet, but I don't really see anything to raise an alarm.

OP here. Thanks to everyone for the thoughtful response.

To address this one specifically... my gut tells me he's a generally normal kindergartner of above average intelligence that could use a nudge in some social skills. However, as of this week he has been officially kicked out of his before/after care, which does not feel like an every day occurrence given that it was for socially unacceptable behavior (hitting) that has come and gone for 3 years. It's easy to say that the before/after care was not a good fit and that's the problem, but I had similar thoughts about his first preschool so there's a trend there. I go back and forth for thinking that I am getting spun up over nothing (especially since his K teacher had not raised major red flags) and feeling an obligation as a parent to get it checked out if there is really an issue.

In some ways I hope the pediatrician says that there's no reason for alarm and DS will grow out of this with appropriate support at home and at school. But, then if the behavior continues we're back to step one and it's frustrating to live on pins and needles that you're going to get a call about an incident.

Whoa, back up, OP. You went from 3-4 emails a year to him getting kicked out of after care? I guess it is possible for after cares to have very strict/zero tolerance policies on hitting. Was the hitting an ongoing issue throughout this year or did he just recently act up and get booted? Does he hit at home? On play dates with friends? (Not saying this is you, but it amazes me how some parents never correct their kids in social situations when it comes to hitting. Often I think they pretend not to see it b/c they don't want to deal with it.)

Some NT kids have very low thresholds for not getting their way and hit fairly easily, so he may not have anything diagnosable but could benefit from a social skills class.

[Anonymous]

Hi! I think your son sounds like a perfectly normal child. I think sometimes we expect too much rigid expectations from a young child. Children are children, and therefore they will wiggle, squirm, and sometimes lash out at others. As a mama to six kids (3 of which are special needs), I really don't think you have anything to worry about. You sound like a very attentive mother, and it sounds like you are handling these issues appropriately as they come. If you are still concerned, it never hurts to have a child psychologist evaluate your child. If nothing else, it will provide you peace of mind. I would also suggest some cognitive behavioral therapy to help him come up with coping mechanisms when he is upset. You are doing a great job, mama!