Affection when crying

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most of the time I cry because of something he did. If he really cared, he would apologize for the act, or better yet, not do it.

Providing affection while I cry just feels icky.

Exactly. If I'm so upset I'm crying, I'd want him to go far far away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women often cry just to get their way. Quit it

This is really awful. Manipulative crying is bad, but that's far from the only reason people cry. For some people, crying is a release.

[Anonymous]

No, he doesn't have empathy. But when he is the one crying he does it bc he lost money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes and yes, definitely.

+1

I'm not a huge crier, so when I do it's significant. And my husband, even just by putting his arm around me, can make me feel tremendously comforted. If I'm crying in the middle of a disagreement we're having then it's a little different, but that isn't common for us. Even then, once I start crying it has a tendency to defuse whatever is going on.

Any female in tears triggers his comfort response (which we kid about). If he ignored mine it would be a bad sign indeed. But I also don't overuse tears, or use them intentionally.

[Anonymous]

I taught myself to be tough and to not let anyone see me cry. Even when I was very small, if I hurt myself I would "suck it up and deal with it" as my mom told me to do. My husband rarely sees me cry, but on the rare occasions that he has, he has always tried to comfort me, because he is naturally a very warm and caring person, whereas I can be very hard and closed-off.

[Anonymous]

I rarely cry and when I do, I'm generally really embarrassed about it. DH knows that I would rather he give me some privacy to collect myself and he'll comfort me when I let him know I'm ready. On those occasions where I'm not embarrassed to be crying (like when our dog died), I ask DH for comfort and he comforts me right away which I appreciate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Female here and I kinda freeze up when people cry. I'm generally a very affectionate person but when I see someone crying, it's like I just can't respond. I don't know what it is. Your S/O may just be like me. I don't do it to be mean or anything, but I just can't help it. And if I try to fake comfort someone while they cry, it's very obvious, because I'm a shitty liar. I'm like Sheldon on Big Bang Theory when he says "there, there" and pats whoever is crying on the back. (Although I'm not Sheldon-like at all at any other time)

DH does this to be funny. If he sees me getting upset over something small, he'll pat me and say, "there, there, Amy." My name is not Amy.

[Anonymous]

DH always comforts me when I am crying. He holds me and has always been there when I have been upset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I told my husband that when I start crying, that is his signal to come over and embrace me. He never would do that before. He didn't know what to do and would just sit there helplessly. I had to tell him what I needed him to do.

That said, my male therapist has sat across the room for me when I've cried and I felt very close to him despite the fact that we never touch each other in any away . So I think simply "be-ing" with someone who is in tears can be very powerful.

What do to mean by "be-ing" with someone ? Is that somehow,different than being with someone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH always comforts me when I am crying. He holds me and has always been there when I have been upset.

So weird...

[Anonymous]

OP make sure that 95% of what comes out of your mouth is positive, or at least not negative of him and then you can be 'upset' about something.
It sounds like your relationship leans more towards the negative and manipulative instead of the positive and you should change that.

[Anonymous]

"be-ing" means sitting with someone while being focused on them, letting yourself feel what they feel, and being open to whatever comes.

You can sit in the same room with someone and not be like that. You can sit there and be walled off, wishing they'd stop, secretly thinking about yourself and/or other things, being acutely uncomfortable, etc. Basically you can physically be with someone and yet be completely focused on yourself and your own internal experience and feelings and fears, instead of being emotionally available to be with them.

[Anonymous]

No, and it's a source of anger on my part. I cried a lot after a car accident I was in last year and he never held me. Nor after several deaths of friends recently. I don't think he doesn't care, just doesn't know what to do. But I find it upsetting.

[Anonymous]

I'm a crier - my husband always speaks kindly and respectfully, but he knows what I need from him is to help me move on quickly. Part of what helps us work as a couple is his stoicism and helping me deescalate and keep minor things in perspective. I'd be much worse off with a DH who really ramped up with sympathy and affection in the face of my mood swings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH always comforts me when I am crying. He holds me and has always been there when I have been upset.

So weird...

Why so weird?