Help- now to talk to nt kids about sn kid

[Anonymous]

I have a SN kid and non SN kids (I guess....all kids seem to me like they have some need that is special....).
Anyway. I often use the phrase "I think Larlo is working on learning how to [deal with frustration/share/express his feelings/keep his hands to homself/whatever]. We're all working on learning something." I think kids get that--almost every kid feel that they are lagging behind in some skill (reading, math, soccer, etc.) and it helps to put this in the context of a skill that the other child is struggling to acquire. The same way that being bad at math is not a moral failing, a difficulty with certain social skills does not have to be a moral failing.
I agree with others that it doesn't help anyone to take the attitude of "oh, Larlo has special needs and that's why he's a jerk"...it just leads to the kids shunning the SN kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my DD was in elementary, her school had a program for autistic kids and severely ummm ... special ed kids. She just understood they were "special" and couldn't always play or interact the same way the regular kids could.

When she could, she'd involve them in her recess and lunch groups and when they couldn't handle it she left them alone. When the school called to say a boy had a freakout and accidentally gave her a black eye, we talked about it at home and she went back to the school and asked them to have the boy apologize. I called and said as long as he apologized in some way we weren't going to make a big deal out of it. She understood he couldn't help it and didn't mean it personally.

Why did you type out "ummmm" like that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is really great:

http://momnos.blogspot.com/2010/03/on-being-hair-dryer-kid-in-toaster.html

Thanks for sharing this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my DD was in elementary, her school had a program for autistic kids and severely ummm ... special ed kids. She just understood they were "special" and couldn't always play or interact the same way the regular kids could.

When she could, she'd involve them in her recess and lunch groups and when they couldn't handle it she left them alone. When the school called to say a boy had a freakout and accidentally gave her a black eye, we talked about it at home and she went back to the school and asked them to have the boy apologize. I called and said as long as he apologized in some way we weren't going to make a big deal out of it. She understood he couldn't help it and didn't mean it personally.

Why did you type out "ummmm" like that?

Because I was trying to think of the PC way of saying mentally retarded and couldn't come up with the term down syndrome in that moment. AKA, I was thinking. Out loud, in writing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my DD was in elementary, her school had a program for autistic kids and severely ummm ... special ed kids. She just understood they were "special" and couldn't always play or interact the same way the regular kids could.

When she could, she'd involve them in her recess and lunch groups and when they couldn't handle it she left them alone. When the school called to say a boy had a freakout and accidentally gave her a black eye, we talked about it at home and she went back to the school and asked them to have the boy apologize. I called and said as long as he apologized in some way we weren't going to make a big deal out of it. She understood he couldn't help it and didn't mean it personally.

Why did you type out "ummmm" like that?

Because I was trying to think of the PC way of saying mentally retarded and couldn't come up with the term down syndrome in that moment. AKA, I was thinking. Out loud, in writing.

The terms you want are people with down syndrome and people with intellectual disabilities

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks. op here. i saw the exchange. The 3rd grader has special needs, not sure of her exact diagnosis - not my business. She called my son "the meanest kid ever" when he touched something she had been playing with (but which wasn't evident). He just walked away (we were on our way out anyway), but then almost as an afterthought (of after he processed it), he looked back and said, "I'm not the meanest kid ever."

I asked him how it made him feel and he said sad. but I told him that it certainly wasn't true, that she was just upset about the toy, and that she probably didn't really mean it since she is usually very nice (overly social) to my son usually.

We all have our parenting styles, but I'm not going to tell my kid to raise every incident like that to the teacher. We all need to learn to let minor infractions roll off our back; I'm also trying to teach my kid some empathy. Now if it becomes a pattern, that's different. My question is basically how to raise special needs kids with my son. Thanks for the resources. I will look at those.

I think you handled it the right way. A NT kid could have said the same thing just as easily, and either way I don't think it would be necessary to include a teacher.

What you helped your kid learn was perspective, not making a big deal out of a little one, being able to distinguish what is an exaggeration, opinion vs. truth, not fixating on one negative thing someone did vs. their typical behavior. God job, mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks. op here. i saw the exchange. The 3rd grader has special needs, not sure of her exact diagnosis - not my business. She called my son "the meanest kid ever" when he touched something she had been playing with (but which wasn't evident). He just walked away (we were on our way out anyway), but then almost as an afterthought (of after he processed it), he looked back and said, "I'm not the meanest kid ever."

I asked him how it made him feel and he said sad. but I told him that it certainly wasn't true, that she was just upset about the toy, and that she probably didn't really mean it since she is usually very nice (overly social) to my son usually.

We all have our parenting styles, but I'm not going to tell my kid to raise every incident like that to the teacher. We all need to learn to let minor infractions roll off our back; I'm also trying to teach my kid some empathy. Now if it becomes a pattern, that's different. My question is basically how to raise special needs kids with my son. Thanks for the resources. I will look at those.

I think you handled it the right way. A NT kid could have said the same thing just as easily, and either way I don't think it would be necessary to include a teacher.

What you helped your kid learn was perspective, not making a big deal out of a little one, being able to distinguish what is an exaggeration, opinion vs. truth, not fixating on one negative thing someone did vs. their typical behavior. God job, mom.

Thank you. The incident, while small, made me realize an area of ignorance for me and my son. Just trying to do the right thing. Appreciate the support.

[Anonymous]

"We all have our parenting styles, but I'm not going to tell my kid to raise every incident like that to the teacher. We all need to learn to let minor infractions roll off our back; I'm also trying to teach my kid some empathy. Now if it becomes a pattern, that's different. My question is basically how to raise special needs kids with my son. Thanks for the resources. I will look at those. "

Yes - I love how you processed the incident. Here is a book suggestion :
In Jesse’s Shoes
by Beverly Lewis
(2007)
9780764203138
fiction
"In this sensitive story, Jesse’s sister struggles to understand her brother
and the kids who make fun of him. This book will
encourage families to appreciate and befriend children with special needs." (quote about book from http://bit.ly/2n0B8Le)