Found the perfect egg donor but getting cold feet

[Anonymous]

What is the beta 3 intern test?

[Anonymous]

I was you Fall 2014.

At 42 it was obvious my own eggs weren't going to cooperate in bringing a child into our lives. We found a marvelous donor through RBA, and all that was needed was to make the deposit. As I was reading through other people's experiences, one quote from a doctor stuck out about how all the couples he worked with who struggled with making the transition to DE route, he said not one of them told him they regretted their decision once their child was born. I could only wholeheartedly agree with that sentiment. In general, I found any remaining angst I may have felt about OE vs. DE fell away once I was physically pregnant...there was no doubt that child was mine, a part of me, and being sustained by my own body 110%. Without me, she wouldn't exist no matter her genetics.

Our daughter is now 14 month old. I can honestly tell you I look at her and cannot imagine any other person being my child, not even one who I shared a genetic connection to. Also, having her as my daughter through the help of a donor has, unexpectedly, brought a whole new level of gratitude to my life that I find very humbling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is the beta 3 intern test?

http://www.etegritytest.com/importance.php

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't throw the towel, yet. Keep trying on your own and don't let fertility doctors put you on a corner because all they want is to make money.

OP here. It's been 27 cycles, not a single BFP. I feel like it's time to move on. I turn 39 soon. But I am scared to close the door on my own genetics forever. My husband's sperm is fine.

I got pregnant naturally at 42 after two fertility docs had put me on a corner with DE.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was you Fall 2014.

At 42 it was obvious my own eggs weren't going to cooperate in bringing a child into our lives. We found a marvelous donor through RBA, and all that was needed was to make the deposit. As I was reading through other people's experiences, one quote from a doctor stuck out about how all the couples he worked with who struggled with making the transition to DE route, he said not one of them told him they regretted their decision once their child was born. I could only wholeheartedly agree with that sentiment. In general, I found any remaining angst I may have felt about OE vs. DE fell away once I was physically pregnant...there was no doubt that child was mine, a part of me, and being sustained by my own body 110%. Without me, she wouldn't exist no matter her genetics.

Our daughter is now 14 month old. I can honestly tell you I look at her and cannot imagine any other person being my child, not even one who I shared a genetic connection to. Also, having her as my daughter through the help of a donor has, unexpectedly, brought a whole new level of gratitude to my life that I find very humbling.

OP here. Thank you for sharing your experiences. Some thoughts I am thinking are: have I given my own eggs enough of a chance? 2) How will a DE pregnancy go (I am very worried about potential complications because of the DE aspect), 3) What will happen with my immune issues that I just found out about? DE is very expensive. How many transfers do I try before I have to go with a gestational surrogate? I am most worried about the financial aspect and the transfer failing at this point. As well as closing the door on my own genetics. Just getting cold feet. But this donor is perfect for me and I need to decide soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't throw the towel, yet. Keep trying on your own and don't let fertility doctors put you on a corner because all they want is to make money.

OP here. It's been 27 cycles, not a single BFP. I feel like it's time to move on. I turn 39 soon. But I am scared to close the door on my own genetics forever. My husband's sperm is fine.

I got pregnant naturally at 42 after two fertility docs had put me on a corner with DE.

OP here. Okay but how long had you been TTC? I feel like I've ben trying long enough and I'm getting older. After about 41 or so I am going to feel too old to be pregnant.

[Anonymous]

Where did you find your donor? Was it through a clinic or an agency? I wouldn't delay long in making a decision. Good donors tend to get snapped up quickly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where did you find your donor? Was it through a clinic or an agency? I wouldn't delay long in making a decision. Good donors tend to get snapped up quickly.

OP here. Through an outside agency. I still haven't decided on a clinic yet. I feel very overwhelmed by all of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was you Fall 2014.

At 42 it was obvious my own eggs weren't going to cooperate in bringing a child into our lives. We found a marvelous donor through RBA, and all that was needed was to make the deposit. As I was reading through other people's experiences, one quote from a doctor stuck out about how all the couples he worked with who struggled with making the transition to DE route, he said not one of them told him they regretted their decision once their child was born. I could only wholeheartedly agree with that sentiment. In general, I found any remaining angst I may have felt about OE vs. DE fell away once I was physically pregnant...there was no doubt that child was mine, a part of me, and being sustained by my own body 110%. Without me, she wouldn't exist no matter her genetics.

Our daughter is now 14 month old. I can honestly tell you I look at her and cannot imagine any other person being my child, not even one who I shared a genetic connection to. Also, having her as my daughter through the help of a donor has, unexpectedly, brought a whole new level of gratitude to my life that I find very humbling.

OP here. Thank you for sharing your experiences. Some thoughts I am thinking are: have I given my own eggs enough of a chance? 2) How will a DE pregnancy go (I am very worried about potential complications because of the DE aspect), 3) What will happen with my immune issues that I just found out about? DE is very expensive. How many transfers do I try before I have to go with a gestational surrogate? I am most worried about the financial aspect and the transfer failing at this point. As well as closing the door on my own genetics. Just getting cold feet. But this donor is perfect for me and I need to decide soon.

I'm not the PP you quoted but totally agree with the sentiment. I'd take the donor and go to a clinic that treats immune issues, like CFA or SIRM (if you're willing to travel).

[Anonymous]

OP if you're opposed to doing further IVFs then yes, most likely this is a good bye to own eggs.

[Anonymous]

I have to agree with PP. my DE baby is about to turn 1. I can't believe how reluctant I was to move onto DE. I love him so much. I can't imagine loving anyone more than I love him. He is the most amazing human being regardless of his genetics. And my Mom, who comes from a nationality that places lots of importance on genetics, is madly madly in love with him. Her poor friends are subjected to constant photos of him. She thanks me all the time for having him. I think she's surprised at just how much she loves him.

Ps-I've been told several times how he looks like me. I have to laugh and just smile.

Pps-if you aren't too worried about the immune issues, look into the Shared Risk program at SGF. Six cycles plus all the FET for one price. And if you don't have a take home baby, you get your money back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have to agree with PP. my DE baby is about to turn 1. I can't believe how reluctant I was to move onto DE. I love him so much. I can't imagine loving anyone more than I love him. He is the most amazing human being regardless of his genetics. And my Mom, who comes from a nationality that places lots of importance on genetics, is madly madly in love with him. Her poor friends are subjected to constant photos of him. She thanks me all the time for having him. I think she's surprised at just how much she loves him.

Ps-I've been told several times how he looks like me. I have to laugh and just smile.

Pps-if you aren't too worried about the immune issues, look into the Shared Risk program at SGF. Six cycles plus all the FET for one price. And if you don't have a take home baby, you get your money back.

OP here. Thank you for sharing your experiences. Yes, I am considering SG Shared Risk but SG's DE stats are not very good compared to other clinics, such as Oregon Reproductive Medicine. I feel like isn't it better to go with a clinic with better DE SART stats? But the shared risk option is appealing.

[Anonymous]

Frankly, I'd be more worried about the immune stuff than the DE stats. As mentioned in one of the other threads, research suggests a possible relationship between autism and maternal immune problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you ever been tested for immune issues? The fact that you've never had a BFP in 2.5 years at your age is highly suspicious for an implantation problem. I wouldn't go forward with an expensive donor cycle before getting an immune panel and possibly also a beta-3 integrin test.

OP here. I have been tested for immune issues and found to have immune issues (mild). However, RE feels that my low AMH is a much bigger problem in my lack of getting pregnant than my immune issues.

OP, i have an AMH which is lower than yours and i got pregnant twice in the past 8 months. now, those pregnancies failed but i am much older than you are (44).

[Anonymous]

Another mom from DE here, agreeing w/ everything the other DE moms said.

I tried, in vain, with my own eggs. I mourned the loss of that possibility and moved forward w/ DE. I had a great, proven donor who yielded fewer eggs for me than she ever had previously. We had few fertilized eggs. We did a three day transfer of the two best looking ones and they failed.

We immediately went into a frozen transfer of our remaining 6 day, imperfect, blasts. They are now healthy, thriving 5 year olds.

I still mourn the genetics sometimes. But I think I struggle less than I might have with seeing my kids as independent people - with their own unique personalities, talents, challenges, etc... And it's pretty amazing just how much they seem utterly like my kids - physically and in affect - to anyone who meets them.

I don't regret for a minute going with donor egg, and I also don't regret giving my own eggs a shot and then moving on. There are no perfect answers, but happy healthy kids are the ideal result.

FWIW, once you're pregnant there is no greater pregnancy risk with having used donor material than with a naturally conceived pregnancy.

Good luck OP.