Public school families: when will you tell other families that you're moving to private?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gonna take the mic at the school talent show. It's called getting out in front of the story

OP here--lol! Report back if you do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gonna take the mic at the school talent show. It's called getting out in front of the story

OP here--lol! Report back if you do that.

Will do! But really, OP, I think it's nice that you're considering how you would feel if you were in the other parents' shoes and are being sensitive to that. Sure, some won't care, as a PP said, but let's be honest, some will, especially if you've been very involved! Glad you found a good fit for your child, and good luck making the transition.

[Anonymous]

I told people as I saw them, but my son was admitted later in the year so we only had about a month. I didn't make some grand gesture to send out goodbye emails or anything like that. Some people didn't know until class assignments were posted the next year. I never got to say goodbye to some of our favorite teachers, but it is what it is. We were very involved at the public school, but had specific reasons why private would be better, specifically this private. I'm sure people were shocked, and I'm sure there was gossip, but for the most part I didn't make a big deal out of it and others followed suit. We still get invited to parties, and I think people are generally happy for us that it worked out.

[Anonymous]

Be prepared to lose some friends. I was in the "in" group in our neighborhood until we moved our kids to private. The leader of the pack very noticeably ostracized me after I announced we were going to private. She had made some remarks earlier about how expensive private school was and how she wished she could send her kids, so I think this was more about her issues, not mine, but it was still upsetting. Looking back, I have no regrets and know we did the right thing for our kids. We're still friend with some neighborhood folks and have lots of new friends as well.

[Anonymous]

We did this with two DCs.

OP: Seriously, no one cares! You do what you think is best for your DC, period! If you loose some "friends" along the way, so be it. They probably weren't your friends to begin with. And you will make new friends.

[Anonymous]

I can't imagine worrying about this. If these people are truly your friends, then they will be happy for you and wish you well whatever you choose. Anyone who is angry about this isn't your friend. I can see it being very normal for some people who want private to feel a bit jealous about it, but they have terrible manners if they air them out to you or anyone in your circle. Who needs them?

[Anonymous]

A handful of people will see your decision as a repudiation of their decision to stay in public. There isn't much you can do about it. Be sensitive to their point of view and carry on.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you're correct that there are at least some people in your school community who will care--it sounds like you're at a school that parents are working to improve, and maybe is your IB/neighborhood school? If so, there is likely to be a little tension. It's unavoidable. We have friends who transferred to another coveted public from their neighborhood school after four years there working hard on building the PTA, and there were a lot of tough conversations with both other parents who were also putting that time in, and also with some of the teachers as they shared that they were leaving. I think you have a bit of a boost on them in that you're leaving for a very specific school environment, not just another "better" public. (Are you the person who is looking at language immersion? If so, that's a pretty clear distinction between where you are now and the new school; lean on that.) At the end of the day you have to go with what's best for your child, though. If it makes you feel better, I work for our public school district and am waiting on lottery results to decide whether to go public or private. I have only told a few people we even applied to private, because there's definitely a stigma associated with it. There's no easy answer. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you're correct that there are at least some people in your school community who will care--it sounds like you're at a school that parents are working to improve, and maybe is your IB/neighborhood school? If so, there is likely to be a little tension. It's unavoidable. We have friends who transferred to another coveted public from their neighborhood school after four years there working hard on building the PTA, and there were a lot of tough conversations with both other parents who were also putting that time in, and also with some of the teachers as they shared that they were leaving. I think you have a bit of a boost on them in that you're leaving for a very specific school environment, not just another "better" public. (Are you the person who is looking at language immersion? If so, that's a pretty clear distinction between where you are now and the new school; lean on that.) At the end of the day you have to go with what's best for your child, though. If it makes you feel better, I work for our public school district and am waiting on lottery results to decide whether to go public or private. I have only told a few people we even applied to private, because there's definitely a stigma associated with it. There's no easy answer. Good luck!

OP here. Wow, you're pretty accurate in your above assumptions re: type of public school we're at, and the specific reason we're leaving. Didn't realize I was that transparent! We actually haven't told a soul at current school; only teacher knows since we asked for letter of rec.

[Anonymous]

Someone left our school a few years ago and gave the reason that it was a better fit because her kid wasn't challenged academically. It was eye-roll inducing and made the rest of the folks feel as if they were inferior for keeping their kids put.

Don't do that.

[Anonymous]

Our situation is a little different because we have stayed in public through middle school and have moved kids to private for HS. But, like you, I've been on the executive committee of the PTAs at MS and ES and was asked to take key roles in HS PTA when our 1st DC was applying out. I was careful not to make the eye-rolling (and frankly not very kind) comments that the PP above mentioned that we were moving for something better, but focused on our DCs needing something different (i.e., single sex, smaller classes, immersion, whatever that is for you). I have friends who moved in early elementary and I think you will find that your real friends won't care and will understand that you may want something different for your DC and that does not diminish the local public schools. For anyone else, don't give it a second thought and move on from that friendship. I would go ahead and just casually mention now because I do think it is a little weird when people keep it "secret" until the end of the year. You can still care about your local ES even if you know you are leaving and still be involved through the end of the school year.

[Anonymous]

I wish I was kidding that it's like a sorority - you need to make new friends. Trying to remain tight with the public "friends" just doesn't work. Commit to the private school 100% and cut off public "friends". Been there, done that. Public "friends" become hostile, passive aggressive, and jealous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you're correct that there are at least some people in your school community who will care--it sounds like you're at a school that parents are working to improve, and maybe is your IB/neighborhood school? If so, there is likely to be a little tension. It's unavoidable. We have friends who transferred to another coveted public from their neighborhood school after four years there working hard on building the PTA, and there were a lot of tough conversations with both other parents who were also putting that time in, and also with some of the teachers as they shared that they were leaving. I think you have a bit of a boost on them in that you're leaving for a very specific school environment, not just another "better" public. (Are you the person who is looking at language immersion? If so, that's a pretty clear distinction between where you are now and the new school; lean on that.) At the end of the day you have to go with what's best for your child, though. If it makes you feel better, I work for our public school district and am waiting on lottery results to decide whether to go public or private. I have only told a few people we even applied to private, because there's definitely a stigma associated with it. There's no easy answer. Good luck!

We didn't really have neighborhood schools growing up (in the south...lots of cross-town busing to promote integration) and I went to a magnet program in high school so I didn't realize it was considered a big deal to forgo your neighborhood school (even for another public) until looking into K options for my child.

I work in public schools, too. I haven't told many people that we are considering private in addition to non-neighborhood options, but I was surprised that many of my public school-working friends who are parents who I DID tell have been more understanding of our interest in exploring various choices, both public and private, than I expected them to be. As I'm sure you know, PP, once you've been around the block long enough, you know that it's simply not realistic (or common) that a single environment can be the best fit for every kid. I guess my friends who are public school teachers tend to have nuanced perspectives on the strengths and weaknesses of different schools. No place is perfect, and something that is a "not a big deal" weakness for one student may be a huge deal for another.

[Anonymous]

We have a neighbor whom I suspect has applied to an all girls school for her ES age daughter and I know she will be nervous about telling people. I would say "congratulations, that's very exciting news" and I would mean it.

Why do anything else? I mean seriously people. Good will to all and that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Shared with fellow mom at an event Sat night and got lots of unexpected advice, criticism, anger, etc.
I wish now I had not told her anything. Sad.

OP here. Given our particular school, I expect this will be the reaction we'll get at least initially from some parents. However, it also seems sort of two-faced/insincere if we carry on being cheerleaders/advocates for the school community until the end of the year, when we know we're leaving.

You might be surprised OP to find out who else applied to private school or will in the next year or two.