Unsolicited advice

[Anonymous]

OP, say thanks mom I'll think about what you said. Is she willing to watch your child so you get a break or vacation? Since she has so much advice she can use her knowledge and experience I think to help you out.

[Anonymous]

Don't respond via email. Ignore it until she brings it up in person. I love my mom, but I would absolutely shut that shit down. "Yes, I did have a chance to read your email, Mom. I know how much you love us and want to help. But I spend nearly every waking moment working with teachers, doctors, and other experts in Larlo's condition. I need your love and support, not your advice. We get that from the pros."

Any pushback after that script gets "Mom, I hear you. But I'm drawing a firm line here that I have to ask you to respect. No more advice about how to deal with Larlo's behavioral, academic, or medical issues. I'm simply not going to discuss it with you any more. Larlo needs you to be his amazing, fun grandma, not another in a long line of specialists."

On the phone: change the subject immediately. If she persists, "Mom, I made myself clear. I'm going to hang up now. We can talk again when you're ready to respect my boundaries around Larlo talk."

In person: "Mom, we're leaving. Until you can respect my boundaries on Larlo talk, we won't be visiting." And HOLD THE LINE. Look up "extinction burst". I bet that she'll fall in line if you stay calm and don't cave for her extinction burst.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Wow, lots to think about. Thanks. My mom has a lot of anxiety and major boundary issues so I'm always trying to balance giving her empathy and information with protecting myself from an overwhelming flood from her. I think I need to craft a compassionate but firm response. You guys have given me a lot of great language - thank you!