Long gone family members "re-appear"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Once a week is a lot for strangers. I wouldn't add to Facebook and wouldn't provide info until I got info like wtf he ignored u all ur life. I wouldn't care what the answers were but would just want them all to know that they can't reinvent the truth.

Seriously, put them in a limited access Facebook account status.

So what about step siblings you don't know half way around the world. Or a bio father who ignores you for decades. They are all total strangers. You'd have more in common mentoring an alumni kid in the area.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, OP, but they want something. They need money, probably. I would send them a brief, polite but firm, message that you have considered their interest in building a relationship, but that you are not comfortable with that at this time. Say you wish them well, but want no further contact. If they continue to message you, block them.

People just don't come out of the blue like that, with that level of zeal, without a reason. I'm truly sorry, but you should be very wary of the situation.

[Anonymous]

Block them. You don't need to have anything to do with them if you don't want to.

I stay off FB for this very reason.

[Anonymous]

You're an adult now. Many people wait until someone is an adult to approach - less drama
Next point is-these people are strangers. Interact with the same caution.
And you are a stranger to them. Odd that they would be so certain they wanted any relationship
Now having said all that, I think with the cautious attitude you'd have dealing with a stranger, why not see if you enjoy each other?

[Anonymous]

Is your bio dad dead? OP what does your mom say about all of this? Do they want money from you? How can they miss you when they never knew you?
Speaking as a daughter of a adopted mom (I LOVED my grandparents who adopted my mom as a newborn and did a great job in making a family for her and for me) and whose husband's family (biological) only talk to each other because of money.

[Anonymous]

Only do what you're comfortable with. If someone persists, cut them off.

[Anonymous]

Do what feels right to you, don't feel pressured to have a relationship with them if it's not something you want. Move at your own speed.

I'm a skeptic too, and I doubt all of this sudden interest is without strings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I moved to the U.S. with my mother in the 1990s. My parents have been divorced since I was 2 and I haven't seen my birth father since then. I was raised by my mom's American husband who was an amazing father figure and very kind. A few weeks ago I got a FB message from a total stranger asking me if my birth father was so and so. I said "yes." Lo' and behold, it's my half-brother and he's very very excited to meet me. He tells me about his life, about my birth father, how much they miss me, want to meet me. They want to know everything about me, my husband, my children. My other half-siblings want to add me on FB, my birth father wants to skype with me. I keep my messages very brief but they are so insistent for information. They send me videos of my grandparents who are constantly crying and saying that I am always in their hearts. I am very weary of this, to say the least. Those people didn't want anything to do with me for years, even before we moved to the U.S. and now they want a relationship?

WWYD?

No facebook friending. Stick them on limited profile. No skype. Communicate via a separate gmail account. Obviously they are lurking for a visit o the USA and maybe overstay. Friends had more cousins in their basement...one son threw them out finally. Come for 1 week and it's months.

[Anonymous]

I'd block and move along. That is completely your prerogative. There is no rule that you have to be open to a relationship decades later. Heck, my kids have half siblings now that they want no relatiosnhip with. My dad had half siblings he knew about but never met. He's had a great life regardless.

[Anonymous]

Do they want your relationship for immigration status? Did you recently turn 21?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do they want your relationship for immigration status? Did you recently turn 21?

OP. They never asked about immigration outright. But they did hint they are not exactly wealthy. I keep my messages to a minimum but pretty much every day now one of them tries to ping me with "How are you doing?" My half-brothers were genuinely surprised to hear that I work as their wives don't. They even asked me "can't your husband provide for you?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do they want your relationship for immigration status? Did you recently turn 21?

OP. They never asked about immigration outright. But they did hint they are not exactly wealthy. I keep my messages to a minimum but pretty much every day now one of them tries to ping me with "How are you doing?" My half-brothers were genuinely surprised to hear that I work as their wives don't. They even asked me "can't your husband provide for you?"

Keep it to a minimum. If you want, tell them you want to take things slowly because your dad gave up all parental rights and their family was not interested in seeing you as a child, so you gave up on all of them.

I would not add them to Facebook.

Tell them your DH can't provide for you and that you need to work. Minimize any financial information and make it seem like you are poorer than you are, to make sure they are not fishing for a wealthy relative. It happens.

[Anonymous]

While they may be sincere to some extent, I sense they are also after something...whether it be help with coming to the States, money, etc. If you are uncomfortable either stop responding (or even block them) or just tell them that you are not comfortable and don't wish to communicate for now. Do not tell them ANYTHING ELSE about your life. Nothing. And keep an eye on your credit report.

[Anonymous]

whatever you do, OP, deal with it. no more ignoring:
http://www.northjersey.com/story/news/essex/2017/02/11/driver-has-9250-ezpass-violations/97798782/

[Anonymous]

sorry, posted to the wrong thread