Tell me how to set boundaries

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you're upset about the UPS joke, I'm not willing to put all of this on your MIL. Your house, your boundaries, but I'd look at whether hypersensitivity on your part is contributing to the problem. You may just be different kinds of people and that's ok, but it doesn't make your MIL a terrible person.

I can accept that. It was a sensitive time so I probably wasn't in my best frame of mind. I am also the OP who's MIL recorded her baby's funeral and this was said while he was on serious life support and not expected to come out of it (he did that time). So pretty much any dumb jokes she made this past year was too much. I'm trying to get past this and establish boundaries for my own sanity. It will be several months before they come to stay again.

OP I'm going to gently suggest that you get some grief counseling if you haven't already. You've been through an unimaginable loss and you really need some support to get through this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's also undermines constantly and inserts herself in child rearing situations. If I gently say "I've got this.", she starts crying hysterically that she can't do anything right. I know she won't change but I'm starting to feel like I need to set some boundaries

"I'm asking you to stay out the way I handle Larla. If you can't accept that, then you need to leave."

Way too aggressive.

Her tears are her problem. Don't interact with her while she's crying.

Yep.

"Larlune, I'm going to take little Larla and let you compose yourself. ... No, I cannot help you with this. We will be back in a bit. ... (if needed, gently) We aren't going to have this conversation. You can talk to (DH) if you need to. We'll be back in (a half hour, an hour, 15 minutes, whatever)."

No attention for the freakouts. Return and interact normally if possible. If not, rinse and repeat, and end it entirely for that day if necessary. At that point, it's DH's problem, not yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you're upset about the UPS joke, I'm not willing to put all of this on your MIL. Your house, your boundaries, but I'd look at whether hypersensitivity on your part is contributing to the problem. You may just be different kinds of people and that's ok, but it doesn't make your MIL a terrible person.

I can accept that. It was a sensitive time so I probably wasn't in my best frame of mind. I am also the OP who's MIL recorded her baby's funeral and this was said while he was on serious life support and not expected to come out of it (he did that time). So pretty much any dumb jokes she made this past year was too much. I'm trying to get past this and establish boundaries for my own sanity. It will be several months before they come to stay again.

OP I'm going to gently suggest that you get some grief counseling if you haven't already. You've been through an unimaginable loss and you really need some support to get through this.

Thank you. That is good advice. I'm starting to have nightmares about him coding. I think that I should probably look into talking to someone.

[Anonymous]

Best wishes. There is no shame in finding unbearable things to be unbearable.

[Anonymous]

When grief is severe, the mind tends to settle on issues that alleviate grief, and that develop other sharp emotions -- like anger. Can I gently suggest that your anger and annoyance at your mother in law (while certainly justified, she sounds awful) is a way of distracting yourself from your deep grief?

I think these issues simply aren't important right now. You are important. Let this stuff ride.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is she allergic to cats or dogs? If so, get a few.

Wow. Passive aggressive much??